Dude #1: Yeah, so it turns out I got pee in my hair for nothing.
Dude #2: Yeah. Huh.
–14th & 3rd
Dude #1: Yeah, so it turns out I got pee in my hair for nothing.
Dude #2: Yeah. Huh.
–14th & 3rd
Guy on cell: I swear, I told you beforehand. I told you I was married.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Nicole and Caitlin
Five-year-old: Daddy, how come you ask all those women if they’re married?
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Caroline McGraw
Woman: I cannot wait ’til the wedding is over so I can go off this fucking diet!
–51st & 6th
Overheard by: jpnyc
Female suit: It’s a funeral, not a wedding, you baboon. Bring your own sandwich.
–59th & 10th
Overheard by: marie
Girl #1: He’s a whore.
Girl #2: A man-slut?
Girl #1: Yeah, but with the same woman for the last five years.
Girl #2: That’s like calling your mom a slut for being married to your dad.
–32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: K.A.
Hipster #1: I had beer for breakfast this morning. Beer and cheese fries. And she had ’em with me! That’s okay, man!
Hipster #2: Yeah, she’s special.
–Chinatown bus
Drunk ex-girlfriend: So what did you tell your friends you were doing tonight?
Frat boy: Going to the Mets game.
Drunk ex-girlfriend: No, really. What did they say?
Frat guy: “Hey, Dave*, what are you doing tonight?” “Going to the Mets game.” “With who?” “My ex.” “She hot?” “I’d do her again, for sure.”
Drunk ex-girlfriend: Oh, that’s so nice.
–Manhattan bound 7 train
Girl: Like, every time I made, like, a life-changing effort to spend time with him, he was an hour and a half late. For stupid reasons, like he fell asleep on the subway and ended up in Queens.
Guy: Yeah, that’s really laid-back.
–56th & 9th
Overheard by: emily
Teenager #1: Guess I’ll have a little summer romance.
Teenager #2: Isn’t she, like, 30?
Teenager #1: No, more like 19 going on 20.
Teenager #2: Oh.
Teenager #1: I guess I’ll go take a dump.
–M11 bus
Overheard by: EriBerryPie
Girl #1: He’s a hip-hop artist; he has to have an Asian girfriend.
Girl #2: He already has one.
Guy: If he’s a real hip-hop artist, he has to have two.
–Spring & Sullivan
Overheard by: inge
Girl #1: Everyone always criticizes my choice in men. I get so sick of it; there’s nothing wrong with Tom.
Girl #2: He looks like Hitler, he drools, he’s always whining and making high-pitched noises, and everyone keeps putting him down, and he never even stands up for himself.
Girl #1: He may be a total loser and a freak but he still has some redeeming qualities. Plus if I didn’t date him no one else would.
Tom: Thanks.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Upstate Gambler
Girl: Jeanette’s boyfriend’s girlfriend has one.
Guy: Wait, Jeanette’s boyfriend’s girlfriend?
Girl: Yeah, I know. It’s really messed up, but she’s cool with it.
–1270 Ave of the Americas
