Religion

Wednesday One-liners for the Red States

Lady: I come here every weekend. It’s my church.

–Manhattan Mall women’s bathroom

Overheard by: Dolly Lowenstein

Guy: She became a Republican to spite our father.

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Woman: I really hate Bush. I can’t stand him. The world would be such a better place if he just died…But then there’s Cheney…

–6 train

Drunk guy: You wait right here, I’m going home to get my gun, I’ll be right back!

–23rd between 8th & 9th

Guy: This is the guy I got arrested with in San Antonio for pissing on the Alamo.

–LES party

Overheard by: Caz

Coming from Heaven Makes More Sense than Mars

Chick: Wait, so what’s Scientology?
Mom: A religion based heavily on aliens.
Chick: …no.
Mom: Yeah. And you thought I was weird.

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Selenay

Those Meals Aren’t Quite McHalal

Hobo: Help me out, get me something to eat.
Girl: Can I buy you something from the deli?
Hobo: No…I can’t eat anything from there. I’m gonna get a Happy Meal. See, I pray seven times a day. Yeah, we Muslims can’t eat anything from there. Can you spare some change so I can get a Happy Meal?
Girl: No.

–Broadway & 92nd

Overheard by: Hannah Elka

It’s Not You, It’s Me (& Wednesday One-liners)

Woman: …and he wanted to break up with me so badly, he was like,
“Here, I’ll buy you an apartment!”

–Central Park sailboat pond

Overheard by: Sarahvb

Teen chick: I wouldn’t want to get married because it takes so long to get a divorce!

–Rockefeller Park

Russian lady: Ya…my mother was lucky. Not many women divorce lawyers.

–6 train

Lady: Come on, since my fucking boyfriend is a fucking crack head, we are fucking gonna pick up some guys tonight.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julia Wright

Girl: I’m getting kind of tired of him. He used to be the kind of guy you could go out with and never have to talk.

–6 train

Guy on cell: …so I can fuck her, but I can’t marry her. See she’s Orthodox, but not Orthodox enough.

–Duane Reade, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper

Chick on cell: Honey, your boyfriend isn’t a boyfriend. He’s, like, a boyfriend-substitute…He’s, like, the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter of boyfriends.

–Times Square

Overheard by: djlindee

They Know Not What They Do…or Say

Guy #1: I don’t care about the goddamn pope anymore! What is it, it’s on the front page of every paper. Who cares?
Guy #2: I know, he’s going to die in a few years anyway.

–20th & 7th

Overheard by: Tom

Wednesday One-liners for the New German Pope

Preacher: What does God think of your sex life? Are you a winner or are you a chicken dinner?

–42nd Street station

Overheard by: Brian Lang

Teen boy: I must be the Antichrist! Every time I pass by a church it blows up. It’s happened twice already!

–30th & 7th

Guy: Why? Because I’m lazy, and I’m Jewish!

–MacDougal Street

They Missed a Few in NYC

Columbia guy #1: It’s a small world.
Columbia guy #2: Yeah, especially when they killed six million of us.

–Miller Theatre, Columbia University

Lady: …yeah, but when they’re all being led into gas chambers again, they’ll be crying in their beer.

–Miller Park, The Bronx

Overheard by: Roisin Ni She

Book guy: I don’t see that big swastika.
Girl: No, I don’t either. And that big swastika was going to be my dad’s birthday present.

–Barnes & Noble, Astor Place

Overheard by: Jon Zebraskey

It’s THE TRUTH

Tourist fratboy #1: It said “Free Stress Test.”
Tourist fratboy #2: What’s Dianetics, anyway?

–Times Square

Overheard by: KN

Wednesday One-Liners, Plus Puerto Rico

Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said "Come on, Mr California!" and I was like: "Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!"

–G Train

Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame

Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.

–Tram to Roosevelt Island

Eight-year-old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!

–38th & 2nd Ave

Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton-John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.

–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.

Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.

–43rd St between Madison & 5th

Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.

–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch

Overheard by: Jason

He’s a Little Too Chubby for Me

Chinese guy: Excuse me, I think I dropped my wallet in this store. Did you guys happen to see a wallet anywhere in here?
Clerk: I’m sorry sir, we are good Buddhist people, and we good Buddhist people are always moral, and we would never do such a thing as stealing your wallet.
Chinese guy: I never said you stole my wallet, I just asked if you’ve seen my wallet.
Clerk: Goodbye, please come again. Next on line!
Chinese guy: Go fuck Buddha!

Translated from the Chinese.

–Flushing store

Overheard by: Ting

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist