Guy #1: Dude, that man squirrel is about to rape that woman squirrel.
Guy #2: Do squirrels have wieners?
Guy #1: I don’t know… I want to see if he sticks it in her!
Guy #2: Oh my god! They’re 69-ing each other! This is awesome!
Guy #1: Holy shit! He just stuck his head up her squirrel-gina!
Guy #2: [Captivated silence.]
–Central Park
Overheard by: Armando
Black guy: So, are we going to fuck tonight, or what?
White girl: I can’t, I have my period.
Black guy: Your mouth isn’t bleeding, is it?
White girl, giggling: Okay, fine.
–F train
Overheard by: Carrie
Guy #1, at urinal: Yo, that chick who came with Nancy — smokin’.
Guy #2, in stall: Yeah, bro. Anna. I tagged the shit out of her once in her parents’ house in Long Island.
Guy #1: No fucking way! You’re such a douchebag.
Guy #2: I’m serious, man. It was kind of awkward and shit… I kept slipping off the bed — it was tough to get in position.
Guy #1: Damn, you were that wasted?!
Guy #2: Nah, man, it was on her little brother’s bed. He had rubber sheets and shit.
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: He’s like a perpetual bed-wetter or some shit. Her bedroom was right next to her parents’… Totally fucked up my style.
–Bathroom, Sutton Place Bar
Overheard by: Cuthbert
Girl #1, outraged: How could you have sex without us?!
Girl #2: Relax — it was with a guy.
–Columbia University
Girl: You wanna know something really, really, really fucked up?
Guy: What? Having sex with people?
–Mercer & Greene
Overheard by: waphle
Chick: Well, I don’t need to worry as much about lube because I make my own.
Queer: And we went there… We went from being drunk in church to wet vaginas in two foul seconds.
–Canal St station
Overheard by: passerby
Jamaican nanny on cell: Girl, I just got back from a four day vacation. Where? My bed. We fucked nonstop for four days like dogs. I couldn’t even get out to take a shit.
Mother: Excuse me, there are children around.
Jamaican nanny: Fuck the children!
–Food Emporium, UWS
Overheard by: Dan
Blonde: What? I can’t say ‘I want to fuck my Korean boyfriend’ out loud in here?
Embarrassed Asian guy: Please not here. Keep your voice down. We’ll talk about it when we get home.
Blonde: What’s a girl gotta do to get some kimchi around here? I’m dying. You’ve got to give up the goods more.
–Duane Reade
Dude on cell: I’ll give you the worst first — I think I wanna fuck…
–52nd & 9th
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Man in hurry, muttering: Sex… Sex. Sex? Sex!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam
Guitarist: To pack a theater, a good movie once in a while, and a can of tomato juice. That’s all I want out of life, folks. Well, maybe a bit of sex, too.
–42nd St station
Overheard by: Spencer
20-ish guy to pal: So she says, ‘Let’s meet up. Food? Drinks? Sex? Sounds good.’
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: meghoney
Hot chick on cell: … But if you’re having casual sex with her, why can’t you have it with me?
–50th & 6th
Overheard by: Mao Carrera
Old lady hoochie with buck teeth, on cell: I have no fucking idea what I did between August and yesterday…
–183rd & Ft. Washington Ave
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
Old man: Sex has changed since I last had it.
–14th & 7th
Irritated old fart: If we end up on Eighth Avenue, it’ll be a tragedy!
–C train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Emily B.
Old man: What do they smoke up here?
–116th & Broadway
