Girl #1: I walked in on my boy masturbating while we where getting ready for sex.
Girl #2: Oh my god, I love masturbating before sex. It’s like a free orgasm.
Girl #1: Me, too. It’s, like, spiritual in my family.
–4th St & Park Ave
Girl #1: I walked in on my boy masturbating while we where getting ready for sex.
Girl #2: Oh my god, I love masturbating before sex. It’s like a free orgasm.
Girl #1: Me, too. It’s, like, spiritual in my family.
–4th St & Park Ave
20-ish guy to pal: I didn’t go to the gym today, and I feel so liberated!
–W 25th & 10th
Overheard by: Gerry Visco
Stylish guy on cell: Well, yeah, I’m completely insane, but I’m in great, great, great shape!
–Christopher & 7th
Overheard by: robadob
Russian thug: Man, I don’t know how I’m going to have enough energy for the gym and sex tonight!
–Subway, near Brighton Beach
Overheard by: lk!
Guido pointing to his wifebeater: These things only last you so long. First time, you know, you wear it to the club, it’s still tight and shit. Second time you wear it around the house. Third time, that’s when you wear it to the gym. Then you throw it out! Wear a new one back to the club!
–NYC gym
Personal trainer lady: I was up in Greenwich training Mary Tyler Moore… Yeah, she’s old, but rockin’ bod.
–Metro-North train, 125th St
Overheard by: DrJones
Smoker guy: We should train for the marathon!
–50th & 6th
Drunk girl: I had sex with someone I didn’t know tonight.
Passing boy: Yeah, college!
Drunk girl: Don’t judge me!
–116th & Broadway
Drunk babe #1: I am definitely not going to have sex with him. He fucks a bitch from New Jersey.
Drunk babe #2: Oh, well, then maybe you shouldn’t have sex with him.
Drunk babe #1: I know, right? They have their own, like, breeds of STDs out in fucking Jersey.
–Outside Soho Grand Hotel
Overheard by: Drunk Guy
Chick to distraught girl in bathroom stall: Hey, yo, girl — I fucked the bouncer, so I could get you some water if you need it.
–Off the Wagon, MacDougal St
Headline by: Hellespont
Runners-Up:
· “I also fucked your boyfriend, maybe I could talk him into taking you back” – Rudeboy
· “If you need a sandwich i’m gonna need a condom” – Chris
· “Mother Teresa; The Early Years” – rose
· “Skanks Develop New Currency in Response to Global Warming” – ilemanzer
· “So That’s Why They Call it Tap Water” – Jeff St Real
Bimbette #1: I know you guys made out and had sex. You had a little crush.
Bimbette #2: Well, he was nice to me.
–12th & 4th
Disgruntled student: Milton is where boners go to die.
–116th & Broadway, Columbia University
Overheard by: BBW
NYU girl: … And she told me she had a gynecology appointment with this old chick scheduled for tomorrow, and that’s when I realized just about everyone at this school is getting more ass than me.
–9th & University
Scruffy guy: Don’t worry, you’re going to have sex some day!
–St. Mark’s Pl
Professor: There are two types of people in this world — those who ride fast horses and those who don’t get laid.
–Classics Dept, NYU
Overheard by: face
10-year-old: At my age it’s just best to cuddle.
–Shakespeare & Co.
Overheard by: Leah
Girl: I never get into empty cars anymore. Last time I did there was a dead guy laying there, and I was stuck with that smell in my nose all day.
–Subway platform, South Ferry
Overheard by: annikee
Man to wife: What, you want to keep riding the train back and forth? I did that shit once. It was the most boring experience of my entire life!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: soixantedeux
Chick after V train passes through the station: There’s a runaway V train and people are still on it!
–C/E platform, 23rd St
Girl: Whenever I’m on the subway all I can think about is sex!
–NYU
Overheard by: ana
Announcer: There is a Bronx-bound one train approaching 34th Street.
–14th St station
Overheard by: Glad to know where the train I missed is
Mom to small child: Do you know if the trains are running express today, or will we have to take the local all the way down?
–W 93rd St
Tourist girl: Waaait… Is this the bus?
–E train, Queens
Overheard by: MegMC
Girl #1: And then we had sex for, like, two hours!
Girl #2: Ew, who wants to have sex for two hours? I’d be like, ‘Get off me.’
–19 W 4th, NYU
Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt!
–Stuyvesant High School
Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday!
–Ave A
Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face.
–Line at Upright Citizens Brigade
Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out?
–W 49th & Broadway
Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls…
–Washington Square Park
Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.]
–8 train
Overheard by: Alex
Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf.
–Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival
Overheard by: I hate it when that happens
