Hootchie: A-Rod’s so hot. Do you see the lips on him? Jeter’s so hot. Tino was the hottest of them all. Even that Knoblauch was cute, remember him? Hell, I’d sleep with any of the Yankees. But you know, I’d draw the line at Yogi Berra.
–Yankee Stadium
Girl #1: Ben’s hot, but I think he’s gay.
Girl #2: No way. Why?
Girl #1: He asked me if my carpet matches my drapes.
Girl #2: I don’t think he’s gay.
Girl #1: Oh yeah?
Girl #2: Call him up and tell him he can chew on your carpet!
Girl #1: What?
–Central Park
Guy #1: I think she’s Mexican.
Guy #2: Nah, she can’t be Mexican, I’ve been there, they cute but short.
Guy #1: Yeah, now that you mention it, she is a little too tall to be Mexican, but I don’t care, I’ll still hit it.
Guy #2: I’ll hit it and help her get her papers if she doesn’t have them. I’m all for amnesty in the name of getting laid.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Tydestra, who speaks English
Frat boy #1: Did you see that?!
Frat boy #2: What?
Frat boy #1: That guy just fucked you with his eyes.
–12th & University
Overheard by: Eyefucker’s straight friend
Guy: Did you hear back from the modeling agency?
Girl: Yeah, it was Foot Fetish Palace. I have to call them back.
Guy: Oh my god you’re in porn?! This is why we’re friends.
–20th between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: I’m just trying to get to the theatre
Teen girl #1: I am so in the mood to get drunk tonight…
Teen girl #2: Yea! Tonight is such a good drunk night.
Teen girl #1: I can’t wait to be drunk!
Teen girl #2: I can’t wait to be stupid!
Teen boy: You guys say that every night. And have I gotten into either of your pants? No.
–Penn Station
Girl #1: Was he attractive at least?
Girl #2: I wouldn’t sleep with people who aren’t attractive.
Girl #1: Well, I’ve slept with people who weren’t attractive.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 140th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Queer clerk: Am I sort of red here? [points at forehead]
Chick clerk: Um, no. Well, actually, kinda.
Queer clerk: Yeah, I knew that when his thing hit me there last night, it was going to leave a mark.
–The Pleasure Chest, 7th Ave S
Overheard by: office peon does nyc
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: My father was telling me the dangers of aspartame — you know the stuff in Diet Coke? It’s like a sugar. It was once registered as a chemical weapon.
Hipster companion: Yeah?
Eva Amurri: If there is any way to become a superhero, it has to be by drinking Diet Coke.
[later]
Eva Amurri to hipster companion: I can’t remember how it ends… If he dies in a war or if Gatsby gets in a car crash, but he loves Daisy.
[later still]
Eva Amurri: Pasties are Band-Aids that only cover your nipples.
–Acela train leaving Penn Station
Overheard by: could you maybe namedrop your mom less, Miss Top-Volume-At-All-Times?
Old lady to old guy: You’re sitting on my dress!
Old guy: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Old lady: Do you enjoy sitting on women?!
Old guy: Well, it depends on how old they are.
–M1 bus
