Sex

Eva Amurri to hipster companion: My father was telling me the dangers of aspartame — you know the stuff in Diet Coke? It’s like a sugar. It was once registered as a chemical weapon.
Hipster companion: Yeah?
Eva Amurri: If there is any way to become a superhero, it has to be by drinking Diet Coke.
[later] Eva Amurri to hipster companion: I can’t remember how it ends… If he dies in a war or if Gatsby gets in a car crash, but he loves Daisy.
[later still] Eva Amurri: Pasties are Band-Aids that only cover your nipples.

–Acela train leaving Penn Station

Overheard by: could you maybe namedrop your mom less, Miss Top-Volume-At-All-Times?

Old lady to old guy: You’re sitting on my dress!
Old guy: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Old lady: Do you enjoy sitting on women?!
Old guy: Well, it depends on how old they are.

–M1 bus

Girl: Ew, I don’t even want to think about it. Cunnilingus.
Guy #1: Of course you think it’s gross if you call it that.
Guy #2: It’s just Latin.
Guy #1: It’s vulgar Latin.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jeeves

Lady hobo: ‘ey, you got the Boys Gone Crazy?
Cashier Dude You mean Girls Gone Wild?
Lady hobo: Yeah man, girls gone crazy, whatever, it’ll do.

–Fantasy World, 7th Ave

Middle-aged Italian man #1: I’s a-gonna buy dis pickle. It’s been six months since I hadda pickle. I don’t eat no pickles lately.
Middle-aged Italian man #2: Why not?
Middle-aged Italian man #1: I dunno. Every time it’s like I’m-a suckinacock.

–fruit stand near Hamilton & Columbia, Fort Hamilton

Hot chick: So, I just wanted to let you know I’m just coming out of a relationship.
Buff dude: Oh. Well, then I should tell you that I used to be a stripper in Chicago.
Hot chick: Hmm…I have herpes.
Buff dude: That’s ok, I have two cats.

–Scruffy Duffy’s, 8th Ave between 46th & 47th

Guy 1: What did you do this weekend?
Guy 2: Masturbate. You?

–Union Square theater

Hipster girl #1: Why would someone tell you that right after meeting you?
Hipster girl #2: Honestly, why can’t you just say your favorite movie is The Lord of the Rings instead of Lord of the Rings porn?

–Bedford & South 2nd, Williamsburg

Girl on cell: It’s Fleet Week here, so I’m getting laid.

–47th & Broadway

Overheard by: Rachel

Girl to sailor: Well, without your hat you’re fucking ugly!

–MacDougal & Bleeker

Conductor on PA: And remember, it’s Fleet Week in the city and you’ll be seein’ lots of our service men and women in the streets. Be sure to express your appreciation and genuine gratitude for their service.
Young suit #1: For their services!
Young suit #2 Uhhhh, no; for their service. [points to scantily-clad girl with heavy makeup and fishnets] You’d thank her for her services.

–Manhattan-bound 2 train