Goth girl with pumpkin: I mean, this’ll be good to stab, right?
Goth guy: Yeah… Too bad it’ll bleed orange instead of red. If only we had a severed head to stab…
–A train
Overheard by: Whubagong
Goth girl with pumpkin: I mean, this’ll be good to stab, right?
Goth guy: Yeah… Too bad it’ll bleed orange instead of red. If only we had a severed head to stab…
–A train
Overheard by: Whubagong
Mini yuppie: No way. I’d put the knife down and walk away. You never run.
–9th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Old man tourist: He’s drawin’ a sword outta her, an’ she’s havin’ a sexual fantasy.
–New Greco-Roman galleries, the Met
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Yuppie to two girls: Yeah, but it’s more personal if you stab them with a knife.
–Prospect Park West, Park Slope
Overheard by: diane
Kid to father: I’m sick of swords! My head is full of swords!
–Arms and Weapons wing, the Met
Overheard by: e.Beth
Girl struggling with knot: Do you have anything sharp? Like a sword? Wait a minute, I have a sword! [She pulls out a sword.]
–51st & 5th
Dad to rambunctious young sons: No! We are not getting swords out!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Tempo
Man: Come on, baby, come back to my place!
Woman: Nah, the last time I went over to your place you stabbed me!
Man: Baby, that was four years ago!
–F train, Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: Milo
Dude: … And I stabbed her with a pencil. That’s when she turned into a vampire!
Friend: Are you serious?
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Stef
Headline by: Arlene
Runners-Up:
· “Night Of the Living Spongebob” – Lalaith
· “Anne Rice Has Officially Run Out Of Ideas” – Jeff
· “It Might Be Time to Retire, Stephen King.” – space coyote
· “Sure I Am. Now Finish Your Paint Chips.” – Craig should be working
· “Tom Cruise Explains Scientology” – Meg
· “Undead Serious” – t.a.m.s.y.
Nurse #1: The guy in room 14 is so annoying.
Nurse #2: No wonder somebody stabbed him in the fucking face.
–1st Ave
Chick: Ugh, I cannot wait to get these stupid stitches out!
Guy: You got stitches? What happened?
Chick: My roommate kept threatening to cut a bitch… She finally did.
–R train
Dude: I miss my machete.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ash
Guy: For his 21st birthday I’m buying him a samurai sword. For his wedding I’m gonna buy him a giant samurai sword!
–Tower Records, W 4th St
Overheard by: Not a samurai
Little kid: It’s chainsaw time!
–New Jersey Transit train
Overheard by: DrewDrewDrew
Frizzy woman on cell: I mean, c’mon — it’s not like it was a knife, bitch, it was just scissors!
–37th & 5th
Overheard by: K
Female associate: … See, that’s his problem. He be startin’ shit with niggas when he know he ain’t armed!
Male associate: He gon’ get stabbed again.
Female associate: He get stabbed again, I’ma be like, ‘See ya!’ You can’t talk shit you ain’t got no gun!
–Filene’s Basement, Union Square
Overheard by: Manhattan
Boy: Yeah, I mean, the only way that I’d be pissed is if you stabbed me…
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Dude: He threw a bagel at me — knocked me the fuck out!
–15th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Michael Pantozzi
Guidance counselor mediating a conflict between a flock of tween girls: Okay, Yamira* can still go on the field trip, because she told the truth about punching Janalin* in the face.
–PS 8, Washington Heights
Little boy: Smack that, lalalala! [Smacks brother in stroller.] Smack that, lalalala! [Smacks brother again.] Smack that! Lalalala!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: amused sales associate
Guy on cell: Yeah, after that hug I wanted to punch her.
–Walgreens, Union Square
Wangsta teen: Move, nigga, or I’ll cut you with my knife!
Tween girl #1: Oh my God! He said the ‘n’ word!
Tween girl #2: Knife?
–Queens bound F train
