Angry black lady: I’m gonna 69 that motherfucker!
Friend: What?!
Angry black lady: I mean, 68 or 67 or… I dunno. Star 67! That way the bitch won’t know it’s me callin’.
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: This is what makes New York City so great
Angry black lady: I’m gonna 69 that motherfucker!
Friend: What?!
Angry black lady: I mean, 68 or 67 or… I dunno. Star 67! That way the bitch won’t know it’s me callin’.
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: This is what makes New York City so great
Woman #1: It’s hot as Haiti in this store.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Isn’t it supposed to be hot there?
Woman #2: I think you mean ‘Hades.’
Woman #1: No. It’s a place in the Caribbean.
–Banana Republic, 42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Not Haitian
Middle-aged Long Island lady thumbing through magazine: Look, there’s Stephen Colbert.
Husband: Who’s that?
Middle-aged Long Island lady: He’s a terrific Republican reporter on TV. You should watch him. He’s really great. Puts the liberals in their place.
–JFK
Overheard by: djeremy
Bleached blonde with lots of facial jewelry #1: So I signed up for the police exam.
Bleached blonde with lots of facial jewelry #2: Really?
Blonde #1: Yeah, can you fuckin’ imagine me as a fuckin’ cop? All you have to do, though, is pass some fucking test, and then it’s good for four years. So if I decide I don’t want to be a teacher four years from now, I can just go be a cop.
Blonde #2: Wow, there’s no drug test?
Blonde #1: Yeah, but you can get a stick and put bleach on it and then piss on the stick when you take the test, and it kills all that shit.
Blonde #2: Really?
Blonde #1: Yeah, that’s what I heard.
Blonde #2: Well, don’t they watch you or search you or something?
Blonde #1: Well, maybe, but in that case you can just do a shot of bleach before you take the test. That will clean you out.
Blonde #2: Wow, I don’t think I want to do a shot of bleach.
Blonde #1: I know — that shit’s scary, right?!
–4 train, Fulton St
Overheard by: I think arsenic works too
Dude #1: So it’s 5:30 and it doesn’t start until 7:00. That gives us two and a half hours.
Chick: An hour and a half.
Dude #2: Here’s the former English major telling the med school student how to do math.
–Madison Square Garden
Skinny blonde girl: So, was she Jewish?
20-something guy: No, she couldn’t have been. She was wearing pants.
–1st Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: I hate that I know this kid.
Girl: It was great — so smooth and quiet and roomy — there was tons of leg room!
Guy: Mhmmm…
Girl: Like, like, say these are my knees…
Guy: Those are your knees.
–Outside Penn Station
MTA employee: What train is this?
Subway rider: Uh… the W.
MTA employee: Does it go to City Hall?
Subway rider: Yes, it follows the same line as the R.
MTA employee: Oh, okay, good. [Upon reaching City Hall] Wow, that was fast.
–W train at Whitehall Station
Flight attendant on intercom: If you need any additional lighting, just reach up and press the grey button above your seat.
Passenger presses the ‘Call attendant’ button.
Flight attendant: That wasn’t the grey button.
–JFK
Hipster teen #1: Dude, where the hell is Madison Square Garden?
Hipster teen #2: Yo, I don’t know. My mom said it’s over here somewhere. It was right here last time I came!
Hipster teen #1: Dude, they don’t just move Madison Square Garden.
Hipster teen #2: Yeah, you never know, though. With all them terrorists and shit, they got to move stuff all the time.
–36th & Broadway
Overheard by: Corrie
