Jerk in back row: Paul McCartney should have stopped after the Beatles. I mean, what the fuck else good did he do after that? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. He couldn’t go from point A to point B. What’s the shortest distance from A to B, again? Like, the hypotenuse of a triangle? He never found the hypotenuse without Lennon.
Annoyed man in front of him: Dude, the hypotenuse is the longest side. Now shut the fuck up.
Annoyed man’s girlfriend: That was so hot.
–Carnegie Hall
Tourist mom: Ohhh! Look, dear! A fire escape!
Tourist child: Oh, where? Where?
Tourist mom: See? That balcony with the ladders…
Tourist child: But how do they get down?
Tourist mom: I think that ladder on the side slides down.
Tourist child: Oh, wow. It is just like in the movies!
–Ferry bus, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: A tourist who knows better
Hungover chick #1: I was so drunk last night I can hardly even remember counting down.
Hungover chick #2: Did we even count down?
Hungover chick #1: Yeah, idiot.
Hungover chick #2: When?
–Lyric Diner, 22nd St & 3rd Ave
Little girl: Hey, my friend makes more money than you.
Employee: Yeah, I’m sure that’s true.
Little girl: No. Look at her — she’s seven and doesn’t have a job.
Employee: You’re making me feel much better.
–McDonald’s, Delancey & Essex
Crackhead girl talking to old pimp: I don’t know why for she call you… Just to be talkin’ shit… You know how I be is…
–Bed-Stuy
Vassar student: If I spoke France fluently, I’d be there right now!
–West 7th & Avenue T
Man leaning into friend’s car window: Nah, she aight… Nah, she aight… Nah, she aight. [Sees a guy across the street] Hey, man, you aight? Aight… Nah, she aight…
–150th & Macombs
Black woman: He coulda played for the Bears, he coulda played for the Jets, but nothing never stucked.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: off white
Earnest student giving presentation: I was going to talk about Freud, but I decided he was tangenital to the discussion.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: She wasn’t kidding, and no one laughed
Artistic hipster wannabe: Also, not to get too psychoanaliterature…
–Starbucks, Union Square West
Overheard by: Benjamin
Thug: Yo, nigga, don’t make me yo’ escapegoat!
–4 train, Bronx
Overheard by: charles elliot
NYC woman: We’re here!
Southern tourist bimbo: Laura, I thought we were here to get cheap fake purses?
NYC woman: We are — this is Chinatown.
Southern tourist bimbo: Why are there so many Chinese people?
NYC woman, slowly: This is Chinatown…
Southern tourist bimbo: Laura! You know I hate Chinese people!
–Canal St
Overheard by: The Wizard
High schooler #1: I want to give up something for Lent, but I’m not sure what.
High schooler #2: Why don’t you give up TV?
High schooler #1: What?! Are you crazy? I would just die! Especially in the winter months — my face would just melt off.
–BX10 bus, Bronx
Overheard by: Princessbeena
Hairdresser #1: So, you’re a practicing Muslim?
Hairdresser #2: Yep.
Hairdresser #1: So, do Muslims pray to God, or Mohammed, or both?
Hairdresser #2: I don’t really get into the details.
–East 19th St & Ave R, Brooklyn
Overheard by: brooklyn blonde
Headline by: ilemanzer
Runners-Up:
· “I pray to Allah Updo and Crewcut Christ” – katcob
· “I’m just into the hating Jews part.” – DaveO
· “I’m more about the accessories” – Ty
· “Islam is in-er than Thai ladyboys this season.” – eyp
· “Neither does the President.” – Becca
Ghetto girl: So, what are you doing Saturday?
Ghetto guy #1: I’ve got probation.
Ghetto girl: What? Man, you gay! When? 3:30?
Ghetto guy #1: Three.
Ghetto girl: … Thirty?
Ghetto guy #1: No, three.
Ghetto girl: … Thirty?
Ghetto guy #2: So, she was a virgin?
Ghetto guy #1: Yeah!
–6 train
Drunk NYU dude: Dude, check it out! Spartacus!
Tipsy NYU dude: What?!
Drunk NYU dude: See? Spartacus!
Tipsy NYU dude: Dude, that says, ‘Supercuts.’
–11th St & University Pl
