Bimbette #1: So, like, for my essay I wrote about the Jew migration in the 19th century…
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, what Jew migration?! You mean, like, oh my god — like Moses leading them out of Egypt like in the Red Sea?!
–Oakland Gardens, Queens
Bimbette #1: So, like, for my essay I wrote about the Jew migration in the 19th century…
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, what Jew migration?! You mean, like, oh my god — like Moses leading them out of Egypt like in the Red Sea?!
–Oakland Gardens, Queens
Chick: Have you ever read Catch 22?
Guy: Was it written by Dr. Seuss?
Chick: No.
Guy: Then no.
–Pace University
Overheard by: Hugh
Hipster girl, about shoes: Cool, there’s a cow on the side.
Hipster boy: No, it’s a sheep.
Hipster girl: Oh.
Hipster boy: Well, whatever — it’s bovine.
–Beacon’s Closet, Williamsburg
Overheard by: hipster shopper
Suit #1: So basically what you’re saying is that your misses is a whore?
Suit #2: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.
Suit #1: And you’re okay with this?
Suit #2: I’m cool with it as long as I keep getting lots of head.
–85th & Lex
Overheard by: marisa
Hobo: Can I have some?
Teen eating apple: No.
Hobo: Thank you.
Teen: … Ow, my conscience.
–6 train station
Overheard by: Annie
Lady: What are you doing today?
Man: Nothing.
Lady, suddenly excited: By the way, do you do laundry?
Man: Yeah, why?
Lady: Well, I never heard you talking about doing your laundry before.
Man: Okay… Why would I want to talk about doing my laundry? [Rolls his eyes.]Lady, embarrassed: I hate when you’re right.
–D train
Overheard by: Ana
Guido #1: I’m telekinetic. So are you. We all are!
Guido #2: What are you talking about?
Guido #1: Think about it! Look, I’m lifting my arm. What’s moving my arm?
Guido #2: Kinetic impulses to your muscles… Your brain.
Guido #1: Ah, but what’s telling my brain to lift my arm?
Guido #2: Your mother.
–7 train
Overheard by: Hipster #3
Guy on cell: Yes, I’ve got the light saber, but do you think I’ll get in with it?
Friend #1 a few steps behind, on cell: Anal sex, anal sex, anal sex, anal sex!
Friend #2 a few steps behind #1, uneasy: Sorry.
–8th & 7th
Father: Is he asleep over there?
Mother: Yeah, he’s dozing. [Looks at other son.] Are you asleep, too?
Son #2: I’m bored.
Mother: He’s always bored. I must’ve been bored when I made him. [Stands up and leans on father’s knee and starts humping.] I’m bored, I’m bored[yawns], I’m bored.
Father: That guy is looking at you.
Mother: So? He doesn’t look boring like you.
–Queens-bound F train
Overheard by: That guy on the F Train
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· “Charles and Diana Ride the Subway?” – Shawn
· “Most Priests Aren’t That Exciting” – Brock
· “They Don’t Call It the F Train for Nothing” – Sean McGurr
· “This Is the Express Train: From Boring to Whoring” – Sim Etrias
· “Try the Middle Leg….it’s Less Boring” – nicky c.
Dude: So you’re upset?
Chick: No, not any more. He just said something about Azerbaijan and I got sort of temporarily angry.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Abram
