Lady: What are you doing today?
Man: Nothing.
Lady, suddenly excited: By the way, do you do laundry?
Man: Yeah, why?
Lady: Well, I never heard you talking about doing your laundry before.
Man: Okay… Why would I want to talk about doing my laundry? [Rolls his eyes.]Lady, embarrassed: I hate when you’re right.
–D train
Overheard by: Ana
Guido #1: I’m telekinetic. So are you. We all are!
Guido #2: What are you talking about?
Guido #1: Think about it! Look, I’m lifting my arm. What’s moving my arm?
Guido #2: Kinetic impulses to your muscles… Your brain.
Guido #1: Ah, but what’s telling my brain to lift my arm?
Guido #2: Your mother.
–7 train
Overheard by: Hipster #3
Guy on cell: Yes, I’ve got the light saber, but do you think I’ll get in with it?
Friend #1 a few steps behind, on cell: Anal sex, anal sex, anal sex, anal sex!
Friend #2 a few steps behind #1, uneasy: Sorry.
–8th & 7th
Father: Is he asleep over there?
Mother: Yeah, he’s dozing. [Looks at other son.] Are you asleep, too?
Son #2: I’m bored.
Mother: He’s always bored. I must’ve been bored when I made him. [Stands up and leans on father’s knee and starts humping.] I’m bored, I’m bored[yawns], I’m bored.
Father: That guy is looking at you.
Mother: So? He doesn’t look boring like you.
–Queens-bound F train
Overheard by: That guy on the F Train
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· “Charles and Diana Ride the Subway?” – Shawn
· “Most Priests Aren’t That Exciting” – Brock
· “They Don’t Call It the F Train for Nothing” – Sean McGurr
· “This Is the Express Train: From Boring to Whoring” – Sim Etrias
· “Try the Middle Leg….it’s Less Boring” – nicky c.
Dude: So you’re upset?
Chick: No, not any more. He just said something about Azerbaijan and I got sort of temporarily angry.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Abram
Teen girl #1: What do you want to do now?
Teen girl #2: Get something to eat.
Teen girl #1: Ew!
–59th & Columbus
Middle-aged woman: Spider-Man uses his spider sense to smell bad guys, but he can’t use it to smell Venom.
Little boy: But Grandma, if he can’t smell Venom, he’s invisible!
Middle-aged woman: No, he can still see him, but he can’t use his spider sense to smell him, so he’s dangerous.
Little boy: Look, a parrot!
–Barnes & Noble, 86th St
Dad: You don’t have to talk all the time!
Small boy: … But I don’t.
Dad: Oh, really?!
Small boy: Yeah. I don’t talk in my sleep.
Dad: How the hell do you know that?
Small boy: When I’m sleeping I can actually hear myself not talking…
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: Kleid
Lady suit: Man, I love cheese. You know what I wish I had? A pillow made of cheese. That way I can eat cheese when I’m awake and when I sleep. I can, like, chew on my pillow and I’ll truly be eating cheese 24/7. Wouldn’t that be amazing?
Male suit: Mmm, yes.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: drew roddy
Teen girl #1: I’m not even giving a fuck. If I was giving a fuck, I’d tell him I give a fuck, but I’m not giving a fuck, so I’m telling you I’m not giving a fuck.
Teen girl #2: Okay, okay, just shut up.
–14th & 6th
