College dude #1: You know what I hate about New York?
College dude #2: What?
College dude #1: Female mustaches.
College dude #2: You don’t think there are women with mustaches anywhere else?
College dude #1: No, but there are shitloads more here than anywhere else, and no one seems to care.
College dude #2: Touché.
–59th & 10th
Asian queer, looking over his shoulder: I think I jerked him off.
Italian queer: Who?
Asian queer: That guy in the green shirt… It’s pretty bad when you can’t keep track of all the people you’ve jerked off.
–Union Square
Customer: Do you sell Lacoste here?
Sales associate: No, but they have a door right down on Spring Street.
Customer: How do I get there?
Sales associate: You go out our front door, make a right, and at the intersection make a left and the Lacoste store is right around the corner.
Customer: And they sell Lacoste there?
–Bloomingdales, Soho
Girl: You wanna know something really, really, really fucked up?
Guy: What? Having sex with people?
–Mercer & Greene
Overheard by: waphle
Man: So, you think I can’t understand because I don’t have a vagina?
Lesbo: Don’t sit like that!
Man: What do you mean?
Lesbo: You’re crossing your legs so condescendingly!
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Overheard by: Lemma
Headline by: Manbo
Runners-Up:
· “Almost Enough to Make Up for You Lack Of Vagina” – John Gray
· “I’m Just Jealous Because Mine Are Too Fat to Cross That Perfectly” – shenanigans
· “I’m Just Protecting My Tool Of Oppression.” – robs
· “Well You’re Waving Your Vagina Condescendingly” – burnt toast
· “Worst Yoga Class Ever” – benji
· “Yeah, Well Tell Your Nipples to Quit Pointing at Me” – pw
Girl: Yeah, so then Bob said–
Guy: –Wait, who’s Bob?
Girl: SpongeBob.
Guy: Oh, right, right.
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Dude #1 on cell: I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I love you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It will never happen again. What else can I say? [Hags up.]Dude #2: Damage control?
Dude #1: Damage control.
–Waiting for elevator, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: TrenchCoat
Professor: What’s the second largest profession in the U.S.?
Jersey dude: Prostitutes!
–NYU
Bimbette #1: So, like, for my essay I wrote about the Jew migration in the 19th century…
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, what Jew migration?! You mean, like, oh my god — like Moses leading them out of Egypt like in the Red Sea?!
–Oakland Gardens, Queens
Chick: Have you ever read Catch 22?
Guy: Was it written by Dr. Seuss?
Chick: No.
Guy: Then no.
–Pace University
Overheard by: Hugh
