Girl: You wanna know something really, really, really fucked up?
Guy: What? Having sex with people?
–Mercer & Greene
Overheard by: waphle
Girl: You wanna know something really, really, really fucked up?
Guy: What? Having sex with people?
–Mercer & Greene
Overheard by: waphle
Man: So, you think I can’t understand because I don’t have a vagina?
Lesbo: Don’t sit like that!
Man: What do you mean?
Lesbo: You’re crossing your legs so condescendingly!
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Overheard by: Lemma
Headline by: Manbo
Runners-Up:
· “Almost Enough to Make Up for You Lack Of Vagina” – John Gray
· “I’m Just Jealous Because Mine Are Too Fat to Cross That Perfectly” – shenanigans
· “I’m Just Protecting My Tool Of Oppression.” – robs
· “Well You’re Waving Your Vagina Condescendingly” – burnt toast
· “Worst Yoga Class Ever” – benji
· “Yeah, Well Tell Your Nipples to Quit Pointing at Me” – pw
Girl: Yeah, so then Bob said–
Guy: –Wait, who’s Bob?
Girl: SpongeBob.
Guy: Oh, right, right.
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Dude #1 on cell: I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I love you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It will never happen again. What else can I say? [Hags up.]Dude #2: Damage control?
Dude #1: Damage control.
–Waiting for elevator, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: TrenchCoat
Professor: What’s the second largest profession in the U.S.?
Jersey dude: Prostitutes!
–NYU
Bimbette #1: So, like, for my essay I wrote about the Jew migration in the 19th century…
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, what Jew migration?! You mean, like, oh my god — like Moses leading them out of Egypt like in the Red Sea?!
–Oakland Gardens, Queens
Chick: Have you ever read Catch 22?
Guy: Was it written by Dr. Seuss?
Chick: No.
Guy: Then no.
–Pace University
Overheard by: Hugh
Hipster girl, about shoes: Cool, there’s a cow on the side.
Hipster boy: No, it’s a sheep.
Hipster girl: Oh.
Hipster boy: Well, whatever — it’s bovine.
–Beacon’s Closet, Williamsburg
Overheard by: hipster shopper
Suit #1: So basically what you’re saying is that your misses is a whore?
Suit #2: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.
Suit #1: And you’re okay with this?
Suit #2: I’m cool with it as long as I keep getting lots of head.
–85th & Lex
Overheard by: marisa
Hobo: Can I have some?
Teen eating apple: No.
Hobo: Thank you.
Teen: … Ow, my conscience.
–6 train station
Overheard by: Annie
