Young English teacher: Yeah, so it takes me about 10 minutes to walk from my apartment to the subway, and on the way there’s this homeless guy on the corner who is always getting really angry at some invisible person. Then he disappeared for, like, two weeks, and I’m like, ‘Oh, he must’ve died — that’s so sad,’ but then he came back and I was like, ‘Okay, cool.’
Student: What does this have to do with The Odyssey?
Young English teacher: You guys really need to focus.
–Stuyvesant High
Kid: What’s that?! What’s that?!
Mom, reading magazine: It’s a picture of an airport.
Kid: What happened?!
Mom: Someone was arrested.
Kid: For what?!
Mom: For yelling.
Kid, seriously: At her kids?
–F train
Rambling six-year-old: … And when she came home, there was a body, and blood was everywhere ’cause he didn’t clean up after he murdered someone, and that’s when she realized–
Bored mom playing with cell: –That her husband was a slob?
–2 train
Overheard by: Good thing I’m neat
Crusty old man: You aren’t wearing makeup, but you don’t need it. I know, I’m a photographer.
Young woman holding flowers: Thanks.
Crusty old man: I take a long walk once a week to stay in shape. What are the flowers for?
Young woman: My roommate’s birthday.
Crusty old man: My brother’s a pediatrician. His birthday is July fourteenth.
–N train
Guy #1: I haven’t seen you in a while. What have you been up to?
Guy #2: Well, I’m in the process of switching web hosts, and it’s going to be saving me a few bucks a month. I just need to decide what Linux distribution to use. What about you?
Guy #1: I got married and we had a baby.
Guy #2: That’s cool.
–Office, Midtown
Pushing-40 nerd #1: Dude, the Matrix trilogy is like the original Star Wars trilogy for my generation.
Pushing-40 nerd #2: Whatever, man. Dude, you’re, like, 38. The original Star Wars trilogy is the Star Wars trilogy of your generation.
Pushing-40 nerd #1: Fuck you.
–Javits Center
Man: The last time I saw you it was cold, and now it’s warm.
Woman: I know.
Man: I just don’t know when to call you. I’m afraid that if I call you and you pick up when your husband is there, then we won’t be able to talk.
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Appaled
Fireman #1: You never hook me up!
Fireman #2: Uh…
Fireman #1: How many years have I known you, and you never once hooked me up?
Fireman #3: Well, that’s ’cause you’re disgusting.
–Fire Dept., Great Jones St
Girl: Do you wanna do ‘shrooms with me?
Guy: No way, man. I don’t do drugs.
Girl: But drugs are awesome!
Guy: How about this — since there’s nothing more awesome than you, you can be my drug.
Girl: And then you can do me!
Guy: Okay… Well, that’s not really where I was going with that, but alright.
Girl: Wow, shows you where my head is at.
–86th & Broadway
Roommate #1: Work sucks. I’m so tired. I’m going to go to bed.
Roommate #2: Yeah, you should go to bed. You seem pretty sad, but not as sad as you’re going to be tomorrow morning.
Roommate #1: Yeah. Tomorrow’s going to suck.
Roommate #2: Hey, man, don’t worry. Tomorrow is going to be great! Good things are going to happen.
Roommate #1: Yeah, but not to us.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Dave
