The Village

Annoyed white girl: That cop with the flashlight was, like, shining it on my ass! So I was like, ‘Stop! I know my congressional rights, bitch!’

–Bus from Live Earth to Port Authority

Overheard by: Kevin

20-ish guy on cell: Yeah… Yeah, I talked to the cops, too! I told them I would kick her fucking jaw in if I didn’t get my money! Ma… Yeah, Ma, you know I don’t care!

–Thompson St, between W 3rd & Bleecker

Overheard by: The Simian Space Man

Conductor over intercom: Either we can have a peaceful ride uptown, or the police can ride with us. You decide [laughs maniacally].

–2 train

Overheard by: Ladle

[Hippie on bicycle loses concentration and crashes into lamppost.]

Cop in nearby squad car, over loudspeaker: Hahaha! Should’ve been more careful, or what?!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Susan Laura

Chick: So, I’m up by Bryant Park, and there are all these cop cars lined up, and then one of them decides, ‘Okay, time to go!’ and he puts his siren on and pulls out, and all the rest of them following, all their sirens going whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop! And then I hear something that sounds like some guy going ‘whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop’ — like, he’s making siren noises — and I turn around, and there’s this cop… I guess the siren on his cop car wasn’t working or something, so he’s on the loudspeaker mic yelling, ‘Whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop!’ as they all zoom off down 42nd Street. It was crazy!

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Hipster #1: She sucked my dick right there.
Hipster #2: She was such a slut!
Hipster #1: Luckily for me.
Hipster #2: Most Texans are, though… that I’ve met…

–14th & 5th

Hot chick #1: So, I’m doing the AIDS walk this year with my sister…
Hot chick #2: Oh, cool! I’ll totally sponsor you!
Hot chick #1: Oh, no, that’s okay — you already bought a gift for my puppy shower.
Hot chick #2: It’s not about you, Samantha, it’s about AIDS!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: About me

Girlfriend: Wait, I don’t get it.
Boyfriend: Awww, honey, you’re so adorable when you have no idea what’s going on.
Girlfriend: … Faggot!

–Waverly Pl & University

Black mom: You chokin’?
Son: [Choking.]Black mom: Hmmm?
Son: [Choking, grasping at throat.]Black mom, hitting him hard on the back, causing him to cough something up: There. Now quit jumpin’ and movin’ when you eatin’ a lollipop.

–13th & University

Overheard by: Mathew

Queer #1: You thought he wasn’t going to fuck you, but he did!
Queer #2, squealing: Yay! [Shares high-fives with whole group.]

–34 Cooper Square

Girl #1: Actually, no. She ate a bug once we got to Lake Michigan — wind blew it right down her throat.
Girl #2: Oh, no! But bugs have lots of protein, so that’s good.
Girl #1: They say that about semen, too, though, so I don’t know how much of a comfort that really is.

–Astor Pl

Overheard by: Michelle

Crazy hobo: Give me some money. I lost my hat… I lost my hat!
Old black guy: Yo’ mind is what you lost.
Crazy hobo: I lost that years ago.

–6th Ave & Waverly Pl

Overheard by: matthew

Woman: I like tuna, but… you know, like, sometimes the smell’s bad.
Queer: Yeah… Especially when it’s not your own.

–Bleecker & Crosby

Vampire: Your ass looks great in that costume.
French maid: You don’t even know me! [She starts making out with him.]

–W 4th & MacDougal