Grandma, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Girl on cell: Stop talking about my grandmother’s ba-donka-donk!

–6th & 2nd

Girl on cell: So, she walked in on me getting out of the shower again this morning… Yeah, I guess I could put a lock on the door, but I’m really starting to think that my grandma just likes seeing me naked in the morning.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: dobby

Chick on cell: What should I get for Grandma? No, I’m not at a mall, I’m on the street… No, I don’t see anything she’d like, unless… Do you think Grandma wants a bong?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Heather

Dude to hot chick: I’d rather have sex with you than my grandma.

–1 train

Overheard by: bldlube

Guy on cell: So then he’s like, ‘Dude, are you in prison again?’ And I was like, ‘No, dude, I’m talking to you online. How could I be in prison?’ And he was like, ‘There was a computer when I was in prison. I mean, you had to suck dick to get online, but whatever.’ And I was like, ‘Dude, I’m at my grandma’s house. We’re having tea and shit.’

–E 14th St & Irving

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, College, Drugs, Family Ties, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Incest, Internet, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, Prison, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Words

Holy Crap, Dude, He’s Got a Vest Full of Hot Sandwiches!

Hobo: [Mumbles.]20-something #1: What did he just say?
20-something #2: I think he was offering us grilled cheese.

–17th & 3rd

Posted on February 19, 2008
Default, Food, Guys, Hobos, Questions, The Village, Weirdness

Give Them a Break — It’s Mostly for the Tourists

Tranny throw-down in the middle of the street blocks traffic.

Man on cell: Come across the street — there’s a tranny fight!
Woman looking down subway stairs: You’re missing the action!
Trendy girl to boyfriend: Ugh, fighting in front of Starbucks? Real classy.

–Grove St & 7th Ave

Posted on February 17, 2008
Default, Gripes, Men, On Cell, The Village, Trannies, Violence, Women

And That Eliminates the Need for a Dark Corner?

Boyfriend, under his breath: I really need to find a dark corner.
Girlfriend, loudly: You could just pee in my mouth!

–10th & Broadway

Posted on February 17, 2008
Couples, Default, Kink, Offers and requests, Pee, The Village

Totally Worth It

Guy #1, to friends: Okay, so I used to drive a Cadillac.
Guy #2, sitting nearby: Wait — sorry, man, but I just had to interject when I heard you drove a Cadillac… That’s awesome, dude. Those things are like fridges, man!
Guy #1: Man! Those things are like 12 fridges! That’s like three fridges a wheel!
Guy #2: Yeah, man! That’s how motherfuckers die!

–Hookah Café, the Village

Posted on February 12, 2008
Cars and Driving, Guys, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village

It’s Like The Island Of Dr. Moreau Out There

Girl #1: Well, you and she have the same taste in men.
Girl #2: Hmmm… That could be bad with y’all bein’ roommates and all.
Girl #3: Eh, not really, because she likes Long Island boys, and I find them repugnant.

–11th & University

Overheard by: eloise in heels

Posted on February 9, 2008
Girls, Pickiness, The Village

Somebody Got up on the Right Side of the Bed

Teen girl #1: No! I can’t go, because your mom’s a motherfucking whore!
Teen girl #2: Okay, I love you! Bye!

–104th & Broadway

Posted on February 1, 2008
Family Ties, Girls, Insults, Stupidity, Teens, The Village

There Would Be No Further Booty Calls for Ian

American woman: I heard this song the other day — the lyrics were great.
British man: Hm?
American woman: It was almost as good as that one song — you know, that one that goes, ‘Ain’t no call like a booty call, ’cause a booty call just don’t stop.’
British man: Uh-huh.
American woman: The lyrics are all, ‘Looove is my religion. I’ll take you to the temple tonight.’
British man: Wow… Let’s just try to make some more really shitty metaphors, why don’t we?

–Choga, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Alice

Posted on January 31, 2008
Comebacks, Compliments, Foreigners, Men, Music, The Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Learn On

Teen to another: Yo, if I pass in June, I’ll only be in high school five years! [Pounds fists with pal.]

–F train

Chick: I used to be a straight-A student until I realized I was just learning how to get A’s.

–Diner, Chelsea

Frat boy: There are still wedgies in Quaker school.

–19th & 5th

Overheard by: Jeff McCrum

Lunching chick: I mean, I only feel sort of responsible for their illiteracy. I am their teacher…

–Dishes Restaurant, 45th St

Overheard by: Literate

Teen: No lie, my nigga — I wrote a perfect essay! I wrote a perfect essay, nigga!

–Marte Valle Prep School, Stanton & Norfolk

Teacher giving tour: Back then it was very difficult to graduate from high school, and it still is, judging from the amount of people who drop out. Although a tree stump could graduate from Saint Ann’s… Okay, no one put that in the school newspaper quotes… Please…

–Chinatown