Wednesday One-Liners Go to the Liberry

Teen boy: Yeah, I read the audio book.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Sarah

Chick: My life has really changed since moving to New York. Like, in L.A. I use to read Us Weekly, and now I read The New Yorker.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: Aileen

UWS mom to hippie college son: Darling, I’ve decided we must get this book because it feels really quite wonderful. [Customers gawk.] I know it sounds weird, but the way a book feels means a lot, and this one feels good. Oh, and I like the cover.

–The Strand

Overheard by: losaida lois

Literary agent: God, I’m so sick of domestic violence memoirs. I just want to go beat the crap out of them.

–W 35th St

Lit professor: Reading Ulysses for the first time, like other life experiences we have for the first time, is not quite as pleasurable as we might have hoped it would be. However, unlike other life experiences we have for the first time, reading Ulysses lasts much, much longer.

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: amelia

Posted on February 27, 2008
Advice, Books & Writing, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Default, Girls, Gripes, Intelligentsia, Lower East Side, Moms, News, Store, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, U.S. Geography, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Omaha

Tourist girl to another: Oh my god, yes! Yeah, we’ll just walk back. Times Square is like a couple blocks away.

–11th St

Tourist, about Rent: Is this show always about Christmas time? Because I know there are some shows that they update for each season.

–Nederlander Theatre

Tourist lady: Tree! Where are you?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Robert

Tourist, navigating crowds: Oh my god! I, like, feel like Anne Frank.

–49th & 8th

Overheard by: Claustrophobic

Tourist: Where’s a Duane What’s-his-nuts when you need it?

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: Ben Smith

Tourist girl: … Are we in a dungeon?

–Track 4, Penn Station

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Girls, Gripes, History & Geography, Midwesterners, NYC Geography, Penn Station, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Tourists, Trees and plants, Women, Yeaaahhh College!

Miss Teen South Carolina’s Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: I feel like I can relate more to retarded people than normal people.

–Broadway & Waverly

Girl on cell: What are you talking about?! She’s intellectually retarded. Hang on a sec, okay? Crap! They don’t have The Da Vinci Code.

–Outside The Strand

Black girl: … And we wasn’t laughin’ at him ’cause he got Down Syndrome… [Chuckles] We was laughin’ ’cause he was mackin’ on us so hard!

–Fordham University cafeteria, Rose Hill

Overheard by: So did the helmet get in the way?

Frat boy: Geez, bro, just when I thought you couldn’t get retardeder…

–Park Row

Overheard by: Passerby

Angry girl on cell: I was trying to tell her that she’s fucking retarded… in a very nice way!

–Fontana’s

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Fordham, Frat Boys, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Movies, On Cell, Restaurants & Cafes, Retardation, Stupidity, The Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, West Village

Grandma, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Girl on cell: Stop talking about my grandmother’s ba-donka-donk!

–6th & 2nd

Girl on cell: So, she walked in on me getting out of the shower again this morning… Yeah, I guess I could put a lock on the door, but I’m really starting to think that my grandma just likes seeing me naked in the morning.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: dobby

Chick on cell: What should I get for Grandma? No, I’m not at a mall, I’m on the street… No, I don’t see anything she’d like, unless… Do you think Grandma wants a bong?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Heather

Dude to hot chick: I’d rather have sex with you than my grandma.

–1 train

Overheard by: bldlube

Guy on cell: So then he’s like, ‘Dude, are you in prison again?’ And I was like, ‘No, dude, I’m talking to you online. How could I be in prison?’ And he was like, ‘There was a computer when I was in prison. I mean, you had to suck dick to get online, but whatever.’ And I was like, ‘Dude, I’m at my grandma’s house. We’re having tea and shit.’

–E 14th St & Irving

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, College, Drugs, Family Ties, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Incest, Internet, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, Prison, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Words

Holy Crap, Dude, He’s Got a Vest Full of Hot Sandwiches!

Hobo: [Mumbles.]20-something #1: What did he just say?
20-something #2: I think he was offering us grilled cheese.

–17th & 3rd

Posted on February 19, 2008
Default, Food, Guys, Hobos, Questions, The Village, Weirdness

Give Them a Break — It’s Mostly for the Tourists

Tranny throw-down in the middle of the street blocks traffic.

Man on cell: Come across the street — there’s a tranny fight!
Woman looking down subway stairs: You’re missing the action!
Trendy girl to boyfriend: Ugh, fighting in front of Starbucks? Real classy.

–Grove St & 7th Ave

Posted on February 17, 2008
Default, Gripes, Men, On Cell, The Village, Trannies, Violence, Women

And That Eliminates the Need for a Dark Corner?

Boyfriend, under his breath: I really need to find a dark corner.
Girlfriend, loudly: You could just pee in my mouth!

–10th & Broadway

Posted on February 17, 2008
Couples, Default, Kink, Offers and requests, Pee, The Village

Totally Worth It

Guy #1, to friends: Okay, so I used to drive a Cadillac.
Guy #2, sitting nearby: Wait — sorry, man, but I just had to interject when I heard you drove a Cadillac… That’s awesome, dude. Those things are like fridges, man!
Guy #1: Man! Those things are like 12 fridges! That’s like three fridges a wheel!
Guy #2: Yeah, man! That’s how motherfuckers die!

–Hookah Café, the Village

Posted on February 12, 2008
Cars and Driving, Guys, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village

It’s Like The Island Of Dr. Moreau Out There

Girl #1: Well, you and she have the same taste in men.
Girl #2: Hmmm… That could be bad with y’all bein’ roommates and all.
Girl #3: Eh, not really, because she likes Long Island boys, and I find them repugnant.

–11th & University

Overheard by: eloise in heels

Posted on February 9, 2008
Girls, Pickiness, The Village

The Village