Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Omaha

Tourist girl to another: Oh my god, yes! Yeah, we’ll just walk back. Times Square is like a couple blocks away.

–11th St

Tourist, about Rent: Is this show always about Christmas time? Because I know there are some shows that they update for each season.

–Nederlander Theatre

Tourist lady: Tree! Where are you?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Robert

Tourist, navigating crowds: Oh my god! I, like, feel like Anne Frank.

–49th & 8th

Overheard by: Claustrophobic

Tourist: Where’s a Duane What’s-his-nuts when you need it?

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: Ben Smith

Tourist girl: … Are we in a dungeon?

–Track 4, Penn Station

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Girls, Gripes, History & Geography, Midwesterners, NYC Geography, Penn Station, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Tourists, Trees and plants, Women, Yeaaahhh College!

Miss Teen South Carolina’s Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: I feel like I can relate more to retarded people than normal people.

–Broadway & Waverly

Girl on cell: What are you talking about?! She’s intellectually retarded. Hang on a sec, okay? Crap! They don’t have The Da Vinci Code.

–Outside The Strand

Black girl: … And we wasn’t laughin’ at him ’cause he got Down Syndrome… [Chuckles] We was laughin’ ’cause he was mackin’ on us so hard!

–Fordham University cafeteria, Rose Hill

Overheard by: So did the helmet get in the way?

Frat boy: Geez, bro, just when I thought you couldn’t get retardeder…

–Park Row

Overheard by: Passerby

Angry girl on cell: I was trying to tell her that she’s fucking retarded… in a very nice way!

–Fontana’s

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Fordham, Frat Boys, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Movies, On Cell, Restaurants & Cafes, Retardation, Stupidity, The Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, West Village

Grandma, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Girl on cell: Stop talking about my grandmother’s ba-donka-donk!

–6th & 2nd

Girl on cell: So, she walked in on me getting out of the shower again this morning… Yeah, I guess I could put a lock on the door, but I’m really starting to think that my grandma just likes seeing me naked in the morning.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: dobby

Chick on cell: What should I get for Grandma? No, I’m not at a mall, I’m on the street… No, I don’t see anything she’d like, unless… Do you think Grandma wants a bong?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Heather

Dude to hot chick: I’d rather have sex with you than my grandma.

–1 train

Overheard by: bldlube

Guy on cell: So then he’s like, ‘Dude, are you in prison again?’ And I was like, ‘No, dude, I’m talking to you online. How could I be in prison?’ And he was like, ‘There was a computer when I was in prison. I mean, you had to suck dick to get online, but whatever.’ And I was like, ‘Dude, I’m at my grandma’s house. We’re having tea and shit.’

–E 14th St & Irving

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, College, Drugs, Family Ties, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Incest, Internet, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, Prison, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Words

Holy Crap, Dude, He’s Got a Vest Full of Hot Sandwiches!

Hobo: [Mumbles.]20-something #1: What did he just say?
20-something #2: I think he was offering us grilled cheese.

–17th & 3rd

Posted on February 19, 2008
Default, Food, Guys, Hobos, Questions, The Village, Weirdness

Give Them a Break — It’s Mostly for the Tourists

Tranny throw-down in the middle of the street blocks traffic.

Man on cell: Come across the street — there’s a tranny fight!
Woman looking down subway stairs: You’re missing the action!
Trendy girl to boyfriend: Ugh, fighting in front of Starbucks? Real classy.

–Grove St & 7th Ave

Posted on February 17, 2008
Default, Gripes, Men, On Cell, The Village, Trannies, Violence, Women

And That Eliminates the Need for a Dark Corner?

Boyfriend, under his breath: I really need to find a dark corner.
Girlfriend, loudly: You could just pee in my mouth!

–10th & Broadway

Posted on February 17, 2008
Couples, Default, Kink, Offers and requests, Pee, The Village

Totally Worth It

Guy #1, to friends: Okay, so I used to drive a Cadillac.
Guy #2, sitting nearby: Wait — sorry, man, but I just had to interject when I heard you drove a Cadillac… That’s awesome, dude. Those things are like fridges, man!
Guy #1: Man! Those things are like 12 fridges! That’s like three fridges a wheel!
Guy #2: Yeah, man! That’s how motherfuckers die!

–Hookah Café, the Village

Posted on February 12, 2008
Cars and Driving, Guys, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village

It’s Like The Island Of Dr. Moreau Out There

Girl #1: Well, you and she have the same taste in men.
Girl #2: Hmmm… That could be bad with y’all bein’ roommates and all.
Girl #3: Eh, not really, because she likes Long Island boys, and I find them repugnant.

–11th & University

Overheard by: eloise in heels

Posted on February 9, 2008
Girls, Pickiness, The Village

Somebody Got up on the Right Side of the Bed

Teen girl #1: No! I can’t go, because your mom’s a motherfucking whore!
Teen girl #2: Okay, I love you! Bye!

–104th & Broadway

Posted on February 1, 2008
Family Ties, Girls, Insults, Stupidity, Teens, The Village

There Would Be No Further Booty Calls for Ian

American woman: I heard this song the other day — the lyrics were great.
British man: Hm?
American woman: It was almost as good as that one song — you know, that one that goes, ‘Ain’t no call like a booty call, ’cause a booty call just don’t stop.’
British man: Uh-huh.
American woman: The lyrics are all, ‘Looove is my religion. I’ll take you to the temple tonight.’
British man: Wow… Let’s just try to make some more really shitty metaphors, why don’t we?

–Choga, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Alice

Posted on January 31, 2008
Comebacks, Compliments, Foreigners, Men, Music, The Village, Women

The Village