How Many Lines Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Woman stopping passersby: Do you know the Chinese restaurant on either 8th or 9th? (points at buildings on 14th Street)

–14th St & b/w 7th & 8th Ave

Girl to another: What is jizz?

–NYU Freshman Dorm

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Man in all seriousness to restaurant server holding two plates of food: Do you guys serve food here?

–Las Ramblas Tapas Restaurant

Woman on cell: Do you think they have batteries in the Dominican Republic, or should I buy some?

–Gateway Center, Brooklyn

Overheard by: DominicanEnergizer

Tourist woman: Excuse me, do I go Uptown or Downtown?

–Delancey St

Overheard by: TR

Bewildered girl in Persian class: Does Iran have lightning?

–NYU

Posted on August 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Brooklyn, Cum, Customers, Directions, Ethnic Food, Food, Global Geography, Lower East Side, NYC Geography, NYU, On Cell, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Strangers, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

Stupid Tourists: Epidemic or Illusion?

Girl: Excuse me, which of these trains goes to Manhattan?
Suit: Shut up.

–34th Street N/Q/R/W station

Southern woman: Oh! Are you a performer?
Chick: Yes, I’m studying acting and musical theater.
Southern woman: Wow! That’s so amazing! Maybe we’ll see you on Broadway one of these days! Good luck!
Chick: Thanks!

She leaves the train.

Southern woman: Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha!

–1 train

Old man: Is that a theater?
Old woman: No, it’s a McDonalds.

–42nd between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Adam Grosswirth

Posted on August 12, 2014
Arts & Letters, Food, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On the Subway, Suits, Theater & Dance, Tourists

Won’t They Feel Silly When They Discover the Hobo’s Dead

Tourist girl #1: Hey, look behind me.
Tourist girl #2: What? All I see is a wall.
Tourist girl #1: No, you dumb shit — on the ground.
Tourist girl #2: Oh, it’s just a hobo. Oh my god, it’s a hobo! [Screaming] Ahhh! I’m scared of hobos! Will he rape me?!
Tourist girl #1: Shut up, retard. Just ’cause he is a sleeping hobo doesn’t mean he can’t hear you. And no, he won’t rape you.
Tourist girl #2: Oh, well, good thing I’m with you — I feel safer.
Tourist girl #1: Why?
Tourist girl #2: ‘Cause if anyone was gonna rape one of us, they would pick you to rape first — you’re way prettier — so while they were raping you I could run away screaming.
Tourist girl #1: Shut up. You’re a freak.

–Netherlander Theatre

Overheard by: rent head

Posted on August 12, 2014
Beauty, Hobos, Tourists

As in Religion, Everything You Do Will Be Wrong

Tourist: Where do we get the Uptown A?
Local: Right here. Down those stairs.
Tourist: But is it Uptown? The sign doesn’t say ‘Uptown’ or ‘Downtown.’
Local: You can get them both here.
Tourist: But we need Uptown. How will we know it’s there if there’s no sign?
Local: Blind faith, I guess.
Tourist: I think we should take a cab.

–Outside W 4th St subway

Posted on August 12, 2014
Directions, Public Transportation, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourism, Tourists

We Take What We Want, And There’s Nothing You Can Do About It

Tourist: Are you selling those?
Guy with fake handbags: Of course not! We’re the police.

–Church & Fulton

Posted on August 11, 2014
Cops, Fashion, Money & Class, Shopping, Stupidity, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

You know you’re Not in New York when… (Part Seven)

Young man in Vancouver: “It’s so hard to meet anyone here who is Jewish!”

Posted on July 22, 2014
Judaism, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Not New York, Tourists

How you know you’re not in New York (part 2)

Tourist in Vancouver: Where is a neighborhood with lots of bars and cafes?

Vancouverite: The street with all the bars and cafes is…. [then points and gives directions]

Posted on July 22, 2014
Directions, Foreigners, Questions, Tourists

This One’s Just Weird

Woman Passenger: How do we get Bowery Street?
Passerby: Fuck you, you fucking clit, I love you!

–Bowery

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on July 16, 2014
Assholes, Directions, Insults, Love, Nicknames & name calling, Tourists, Union Square and East Village

…And Some Jews, If I’m Not Mistaken

Tourist: People are so nice here. I just love this city. Do you like living here?
New Yorker: It’s the best place in the world.
Tourist: Oh, it’s great. And so diverse!
New Yorker: Yes, it is.
Tourist: So many black people!
New Yorker: Um…yes.
Tourist: Black people and Asians!
New Yorker: Mm-hmm.

–F Train

Posted on July 12, 2014
Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Tourists

The Persistence of Irony

A tourist woman examines Dali’s masterpiece and comments: Oh hey, this is supposed to be famous, but I can’t remember why.

–MoMA

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on July 9, 2014
Arts & Letters, Manhattan, MoMA, More museums, People, Places, Tourists