Don’t They Know They Can’t Jump?

Teen kid #1: Yo white people have too much free time to do stupid shit.
Teen kid #2: Yeah, I know: like jump off 30-story buildings, like those two kids.
Teen kid #1: Yeah, I once saw this white guy who tried to jump over a car and got split in two, like the car was coming at him, and he tried to jump, but it hit him and split him in two pieces right down the middle.
Teen kid #2: For real, you saw that happen?
Teen kid #1: Yeah.
Teen kid #2: Like in person, you saw it happen?
Teen kid #1: Yeah, I saw it happen in person on TV last night.

–5 Train

Overheard by: b

Posted on February 27, 2022
Accidents, Black People, Boys, Death, Default, Insults, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Weirdness, Words

So It Does Promote Flexible Thinking

Teenage boy: I still don't get it, what's green and goes in the tank?
Teenage girl: The turtle.
Teenage boy: The turtle's turquoise…
Teenage girl: Its head is green!
Teenage boy: You do realize we're arguing over a Blue's Clues episode.

–Grand Central Station

Posted on January 21, 2022
Animals & Nature, Colors, Grand Central, Questions, Teens, TV

But Then She Kicked Me in the Teeth with a Timberland

Teen #1: So, did your friend come by?
Teen #2: Yeah, for a quick hot minute. And girl, she’s sooo skinny. And she’s pregnant… And she’s a lesbian.
Teen #1: Ohhh…
Teen #2: I told her she could be on Jerry Springer.

–4 train

Overheard by: NinjaRider

Posted on January 16, 2022
About Celebrities, Diet/Weight, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teens, TV

And a Fuel Injection System

Hipster boy to girl: After the internet age and the digital age, we are now entering the cyborg age.
Hipster girl to boy: Yeah, cyborgs are totally mainstream now. I saw a special on Fox News all about cyborgs and it was totally mainstream.
Hipster boy to girl: My brother has an insulin pump.

–F Train Platform

Overheard by: sadie

Posted on January 14, 2022
Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Idiots, Internet, News, Subway stations, platforms, etc., TV

The Writers Switched From Funny to Educational

Tween girl #1: I’m gonna call that number 1-800-DIVORCE. I want to divorce my parents.
Tween boy: You can’t divorce your parents, stupid. Can you marry your parents? No!
Tween girl #1: Technically, technically you can but that’s just sick.
Tween girl #2: You’re not really divorcing your parents. It’s more like they giving up they rights.
Tween girl #1: Look, I call it divorcing your parents because that’s what they called it on The Simpsons so that’s why I say it.

–Q train

Posted on December 31, 2021
Breaking Up, On the Subway, People, Teens, TV

Making Learning Fun

Girl: Why do you watch so much King of the Hill, anyway?
Hipster guy: I don’t know. I guess I just like Texas history.

–Virgin Megastore, Times Square

Posted on December 30, 2021
Girls, Hipsters, History & Geography, Times Square, TV

Except That It Can’t Be about Nothing

Guy #1: They’re making a sitcom out of the Geico cavemen. Can you believe that?
Guy #2: Yeah. I can picture it — it will be a lot like Seinfeld.
Guy #1: … What?

–39th & 7th

Posted on December 5, 2021
Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, TV

You’re Not a Real New Yorker ‘Til You’ve Been Reprimanded by a Tranny

Toddler, screaming: Eeeeeeaaaaaeeeeeeaaaaeeeeeeee.
Tranny woman: Oh my gawd, you so need to win American Idol!
Toddler: …

–F Train

Overheard by: Faye

Posted on November 24, 2021
Kids, On the Subway, Trannies, TV, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Regret Listening to Their Biological Clocks

Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don't ruin it.

–Gourmet Garage

Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.

–NBC Studios

Overheard by: Tracy

Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!

–Central Park

Overheard by: chellie

Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don't start behavin' I'm gonna send you in for the new model!

–R Train

Overheard by: Kait

Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don't do that! You gonna get germs! Yo' hand gonna fall off!

–45th b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp

Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he's stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron.

–East Village

Mom holding little boy's hand: Forget everything you've seen today.

–Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk