TV

Wednesday One-liners Make the Cut

Woman: This block has the best garbage!

–2nd Avenue & 8th Street

Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.

–57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Heather

White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.

–Astoria party

Overheard by: Noah Starr

Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.

–Broadway & Prince

Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”

–7 train

Overheard by: Amado Angel

Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.

–Midtown office

It’s Pronounced “Adultery”

Girl #1: So I want to get married but he won’t move out of his neighborhood.
Girl #2: What, does he have like agoraphobia or something?
Girl #1: I think it’s more like that Seinfeld episode.
Girl #2: Seinfeld had agoraphobia?

–Staten Island ferry

Overheard by: Paola Suarez-Papp

cf. “Husband”

Boy: We’re watching Pimp My Ride.
Man: What does “pimp” mean?
Boy: It’s someone who owns women.

–Washington Square Village

Wednesday One-liners

Construction guy: That Barney Rubble, he’s some actor.

–South Street Seaport bar

Overheard by: Keith McCarthy

Guy: She’s a spoiled rotten brat. She’s rich as shit and gets everything she wants. It fucking pisses me off. I can’t stand her…the only reason I know all this is ’cause I hang out with her like 24 hours a day.

–1 train

Hobo: Hillary Clinton and Pee-Wee Herman are Democrats! I am a Republican!

–12th St. & 7th Ave.

Overheard by: Caroline N

The Wrath of Chaka Khan

Homie #1: Damn! Shorty set the phasers on stun!
Homie #2: Shields up!

–Union Square station

Producer guy #1: So it’s like when a Trekkie sees Patrick Stewart and immediately yells “There’s Captain Kirk.”
Producer guy #2: Oh, you’re right! Maybe we should just stick to that hip-hop audience you were talking about. Forget the Trekkies.

–Katz’s Deli, Houston Street

Readers: Answer This Antique Question

Man on cell: The Golden Girls DVD?…Why not?

–Astoria

Overheard by: spygirl

Wiggers Have Their Moments

White homeboy #1: Son, I saw this comedian on TV last night, this black comedian–
White homeboy #2: Son, black guys are always so funny!

–Vanderbilt YMCA, East 47th Street

Overheard by: Palaverist

Wednesday One-liners, As Seen on TV

Student: It’s not computers that’s fucking you up, it’s General Hospital.

–Pratt dorm, Willoughby Avenue

Overheard by: Eric Wrenn

Girl, 7: Sometimes, I wonder: who really did kill Kenny?

–M79 bus

Confirmed: We All Look Alike

Black dude: I ain’t even gonna say it. You know who you look like, right?
White dude: Let me guess: Seinfeld.
Black dude: Oh, shit! Aah! I’sa gonna say Kramer!

–Fort Greene bodega

Klingons Are Less Wrinkled

Old man #1: I must have my cloaking device on today! Ha, ha.
Old man #2: Get the fuck out of my way, asshole.
Old man #1: Damn Klingons.

–D’Agostino, Greenwich Street

Overheard by: nick

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