Fancy girl #1: Oh my god, getting hit by a car is totally my favorite activity.
Fancy girl #2: Really? Mine is shopping.

Overheard by:

Guy reading iPhone: IT sez here some gal in Fort Meyers was arrested and later found to have a knife hidden in her vagina.
Friend: I could go with that…

Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Café con leche

Mommy: Let's not attack mommy with a fork.

Salem, Oregon

Overheard by: lauraf

Preschool boy: Can I play with you?
Preschool girl: Come near me and I'll stab you.

New South Wales

Overheard by: courtney

Student #1: Did you end up taking her to SeaWorld or Busch Gardens or something?
Student #2: Naw, man, I told you — she set all my clothes on fire!
Student #1: See, I think that’s kinky.

Michigan State University

Oversexed frat boy at house party: Yeah! We're gonna shoot 'em with our sperm cannons!

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Katie M

Large woman: Your dad kicked me in the head!
Scrawny boyfriend: What?
Large woman: And then you kicked me in the head!

Fredericton, New Brunswick

Overheard by: Marg

Little girl to friend: You little… Butter, I'm going to whip you up until you smell like rotten juice!

Park Playground
Tacoma, Washington

Tour guide: The vestal virgins would be raped and buried alive if they were no longer virgins. If they let the fire go out, they would just be buried alive.
Tourist: I dunno if that's any better.
Little old Japanese woman: Hey, at least the first way you get some thrills.


Stoner guitarist: I got shot in the dick with an Airsoft. Seriously, check this shit out. (unzips his pants)
Guy: Just to let you know, before you do that, I am a homosexual.

Local Show
Gulfport, Mississippi