Woman in wheelchair, smoking: Well, I didn't know they could, you know, put you on top of another one.
Woman walking and smoking: Yeah, so when you go, you want like a single to be buried in?
Woman in wheelchair: I want a single.
–18th & 7th
Woman in wheelchair, smoking: Well, I didn't know they could, you know, put you on top of another one.
Woman walking and smoking: Yeah, so when you go, you want like a single to be buried in?
Woman in wheelchair: I want a single.
–18th & 7th
Three-year-old: Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend!
–60th & 5th
Overheard by: Rich
Hobo singing to self: Pussy’s like a lickety split, but if you miss, you wind up in a world of shit.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Blind weelbo: Amaaazing grace, how sweet the sound… I once was blind aaand I still am…
–F train
Overheard by: Sara
Large thug, singing in falsetto: I will looove agaaain, even if it takes a lifetime to get ooover youuu…
–Milano Market, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Talentless busker, singing: All my loving, I will send to you… All my loving, darling, I’ll be true [tries to whistle instrumental break, and fails]. My lip! There’s something wrong with my lip!
–63rd & Lex Ave station
Overheard by: Aloof Loner
Crazy hobo to passing Fordham students: Y’all crazy motherfuckers pay 40 grand a year to get a damn education. Y’all don’t need no education. Pay 40 grand to get me food! Hell, I’ll take four dollars! Look at me — I got no education, and I turned out just fine.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: one of those mothafuckers
Wheelbo: I don’t care what they say, I promise you I’ll pay you back.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: MBS
Hobo: I need money for alcohol, drugs, and a hooker… Hey, at least I’m not bullshitting you.
–35th & 4th
Hobo, as girl nearby drops her Vogue: Oh, no! Somebody dropped their Torah!
–E train
Hobo, to passing suit: Hey, asshole, why don’t you get a job like everyone else, and stop taking my money?!
–34th & 8th
Angry lady to boyfriend: They don’t pay my fucking rent! They don’t eat my fucking pussy!
–E 9th & 5th
Man on cell: It comes down to about seven dollars a blowjob.
–59th & 5th
Wheelbo, politely: Excuse me, does the bus stop here? [Ignored, so addresses next passerby politely] Pardon me, ma’am? Are you looking for a dick to suck?
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: No, I am not.
SVA photography teacher: You’d have a better time giving head to King Kong than using this method.
–SVA, 21st & 3rd
Overheard by: student
Kid on cell: … So I said, ‘You can suck my dick for some of your spaghetti.’
–Outside hardware store, 102nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Josh
Dude: If I could’ve gone down on a donkey I would have done it.
–W New York hotel, Union Square
17-year-old girl on cell: So, this girl was eating me out, right? [Pause] Oh, sorry, I have the wrong number.
–Starbucks, Union Square West
Teen girl: This is the shittiest day.
Wheelbo: Would you rather trade places with me?
Teen girl: I would, nigga — I haven’t sat down all day.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: katicus
News guy: Get your special AM Metro News! Special edition; last one for the year. Get two: one to read and one to frame.
–32nd & 7th
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Teen boy: I really wanted to drink some champagne, but I didn’t have any flutes, so I had to drink it out of a wine glass.
Teen girl: That’s really embarrassing.
–Barney’s, Madison Avenue
Wheelbo: Happy new year! Happy new year!…Fuck your mother!
–9th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Eric
Guy: I guess “not funny” is the new “funny”.
–Comedy Cellar, Macdougal Street
