Triple-Platinum Wednesday One-Liners

Prep: I only drink liquors that have been referenced in rap songs.

–Clinton Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kelly

Tourist watching Ashlee Simpson video on large screen: I thought she just kinda went away…

–44th & Broadway

Midwest tourist lady to Gary, Mayor of Strawberry Fields: Wow, was John Lennon inspired to write the song from this memorial?

–Central Park West at 72nd Street, at Strawberry Fields

Overheard by: Stuart

Teen looking at poster of Reba McEntire in Annie Get Your Gun: I didn’t know she sang!

–Marriot Marquis

Overheard by: theater babe

Gift wrap lady introducing new volunteers: Hey, John, this is Yoko…

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Woman: Who’s Britney Spears?

–CVS, 87th & Lex

Overheard by: MojoSaves

Posted on January 24, 2007
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Preppies, Teens, Tourists

All-New! All Bloodier!

Dude #1: Mel Gibson is making movies?
Dude #2: Is he the guy who invented Jesus?

–13th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Dean

Posted on January 9, 2007
About Celebrities, Idiots, Jesus

People Will Buy Anything If You Wear a Nice Suit

Middle-aged Long Island lady thumbing through magazine: Look, there’s Stephen Colbert.
Husband: Who’s that?
Middle-aged Long Island lady: He’s a terrific Republican reporter on TV. You should watch him. He’s really great. Puts the liberals in their place.

–JFK

Overheard by: djeremy

Posted on January 5, 2007
About Celebrities, Idiots, JFK Airport, Stupidity

Or at Least about the Eiffel Tower

Queer #1: So, what is this movie about?
Queer #2: Gael Garcia Bernal moves to Paris and starts having some weird dreams.
Queer #1: Of an erotic nature?
Queer #2: I certainly hope so.

–Angelika Film Center

Overheard by: queer_number_3

Posted on January 5, 2007
About Celebrities, Dreams, Global Geography, Movie Theaters, Movies, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Enthusiasm: Curbed

Drunk #1: Yo, did you see who was just peeing next to me? Larry David! I think Larry David just sprinkled pee on my shoes!
Drunk #2: So now you’re not gonna clean your shoes ’cause they got celebrity piss on them? Why don’t you sell them on eBay?
Drunk #3: That wasn’t Larry David.
Drunk #1: Yo, then I should kick that guy’s ass for peeing on my shoes!

–Restroom, Cheap Trick concert, Beacon Theatre

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on December 17, 2006
About Celebrities, Drunks, Pee

My Dad, Twice

Guy #1: You know Frank Zappa, right?
Guy #2: Not personally.
Guy #1: Well, he’s dead, but you know who he is?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well, you know his song, ‘Suzie Creamcheese’? Apparently, my dad fucked Suzie Creamcheese.
Guy #2: For real, or just in his head, like an old-guy fantasy?
Guy #1: For real — I have it from two different sources.

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: thew

Posted on December 16, 2006
About Celebrities, Guys, On the Subway, Rumor Has It

I Haven’t Actually Read It

Chick #1: Yeah, Lovely Bones is my favorite book. Totally. What’s yours?
Chick #2: Oh, this book called On the Road. It’s by this guy, Jack Kerouac.
Chick #1: Yeah? What’s it about?
Chick #2: It’s about this beat stuff. ‘Cause the guy — he was, ya know, beat.
Chick #1: Beat?
Chick #2: Yeah, like, him and Allen Ginsberg wrote stuff and hitchhiked and dropped out of Columbia.
Chick #1: Oh my god. Why would you ever drop out of Columbia? Must have sucked to be them.
Chick #2: Yeah, I dunno. I guess they were, like, broke.

–6 train toward Bleecker

Posted on December 15, 2006
About Celebrities, Bimbettes, Books & Writing, Columbia (& Barnard), Money & Class, On the Subway, Stupidity

The Get-Out-of-Jail Free Organ

Guy: I like Kevin Costner.
Girl: Me too, but I have a vagina, which makes it okay.

–54th & 9th

Overheard by: Trying to sleep

Posted on December 11, 2006
About Celebrities, Girls, Guys

Oh, No, that’s Her Coatrack

Guy: On TV she looks just like Michael Jackson!
Chick: Who?
Guy: Oprah!

–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: fshk

Posted on December 11, 2006
About Celebrities, Brooklyn, Idiots

Tales from Wednesday One-Liners’ Crypt

Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?

–C train

Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.

–Live Bait, 23rd St

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.

–55th & 6th

Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland

Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!

–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis

Overheard by: Barry Negrin

Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!

–L train

Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton

Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.

–58th & Broadway

Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.

–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adam Nathan