Miss Hilton’s Publicist Keeps His Finger on the Pulse

Girl #1: Britney really needs to stop showing her hoo-ha all over Hollywood.
Girl #2: Seriously. If I see one more picture of her vag, I’ll vomit.
Girl #1: What, her mother didn’t teach her to put on panties?
Girl #2: Or get out of a car without showing her cooter?
Girl #3: I was on Perez Hilton dot com the other day, and they fully had pictures of her in all her glory.
Girl #2: Oh my god, was it bald? I heard it actually looked nice and neat.
Girl #3: Yeah, I guess it was okay. One of the nicer ones I’ve seen.
Guy at next table on cell: What? … Oh, sorry honey. No, I’m paying attention to you. I’m just at Starbucks, and some girls were, uh… talking really loud at the next table.

–Starbucks, Union Square

Posted on January 25, 2007
About Celebrities, Girls, On Cell, Starbucks, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

Triple-Platinum Wednesday One-Liners

Prep: I only drink liquors that have been referenced in rap songs.

–Clinton Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kelly

Tourist watching Ashlee Simpson video on large screen: I thought she just kinda went away…

–44th & Broadway

Midwest tourist lady to Gary, Mayor of Strawberry Fields: Wow, was John Lennon inspired to write the song from this memorial?

–Central Park West at 72nd Street, at Strawberry Fields

Overheard by: Stuart

Teen looking at poster of Reba McEntire in Annie Get Your Gun: I didn’t know she sang!

–Marriot Marquis

Overheard by: theater babe

Gift wrap lady introducing new volunteers: Hey, John, this is Yoko…

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Woman: Who’s Britney Spears?

–CVS, 87th & Lex

Overheard by: MojoSaves

Posted on January 24, 2007
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Preppies, Teens, Tourists

All-New! All Bloodier!

Dude #1: Mel Gibson is making movies?
Dude #2: Is he the guy who invented Jesus?

–13th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Dean

Posted on January 9, 2007
About Celebrities, Idiots, Jesus

People Will Buy Anything If You Wear a Nice Suit

Middle-aged Long Island lady thumbing through magazine: Look, there’s Stephen Colbert.
Husband: Who’s that?
Middle-aged Long Island lady: He’s a terrific Republican reporter on TV. You should watch him. He’s really great. Puts the liberals in their place.

–JFK

Overheard by: djeremy

Posted on January 5, 2007
About Celebrities, Idiots, JFK Airport, Stupidity

Or at Least about the Eiffel Tower

Queer #1: So, what is this movie about?
Queer #2: Gael Garcia Bernal moves to Paris and starts having some weird dreams.
Queer #1: Of an erotic nature?
Queer #2: I certainly hope so.

–Angelika Film Center

Overheard by: queer_number_3

Posted on January 5, 2007
About Celebrities, Dreams, Global Geography, Movie Theaters, Movies, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Enthusiasm: Curbed

Drunk #1: Yo, did you see who was just peeing next to me? Larry David! I think Larry David just sprinkled pee on my shoes!
Drunk #2: So now you’re not gonna clean your shoes ’cause they got celebrity piss on them? Why don’t you sell them on eBay?
Drunk #3: That wasn’t Larry David.
Drunk #1: Yo, then I should kick that guy’s ass for peeing on my shoes!

–Restroom, Cheap Trick concert, Beacon Theatre

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on December 17, 2006
About Celebrities, Drunks, Pee

My Dad, Twice

Guy #1: You know Frank Zappa, right?
Guy #2: Not personally.
Guy #1: Well, he’s dead, but you know who he is?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well, you know his song, ‘Suzie Creamcheese’? Apparently, my dad fucked Suzie Creamcheese.
Guy #2: For real, or just in his head, like an old-guy fantasy?
Guy #1: For real — I have it from two different sources.

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: thew

Posted on December 16, 2006
About Celebrities, Guys, On the Subway, Rumor Has It

I Haven’t Actually Read It

Chick #1: Yeah, Lovely Bones is my favorite book. Totally. What’s yours?
Chick #2: Oh, this book called On the Road. It’s by this guy, Jack Kerouac.
Chick #1: Yeah? What’s it about?
Chick #2: It’s about this beat stuff. ‘Cause the guy — he was, ya know, beat.
Chick #1: Beat?
Chick #2: Yeah, like, him and Allen Ginsberg wrote stuff and hitchhiked and dropped out of Columbia.
Chick #1: Oh my god. Why would you ever drop out of Columbia? Must have sucked to be them.
Chick #2: Yeah, I dunno. I guess they were, like, broke.

–6 train toward Bleecker