Burly guy: I drove Lucy Liu around in her trailer for six weeks.
Columbia student: Really? She’s cute.
Burly guy: Yeah, she’s cute. But then you see her with her makeup off and you’re like, ‘I’ll have the chicken with broccoli.’
–Nussbaum & Wu, 113th & Broadway
Hot chick #1 during Tom Brady close-up: Ohhh, I just want to give him a hug!
Hot chick #2: I want to make out with him.
Hot chick #3: I want to put his penis in my mouth.
–Watching Patriots/Colts game, Sutton Pl, 53rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Lee
Homeless man sitting on ground holding up peeled banana: … And now for my John Wayne Bobbit imitation… Aaauuuggghhh!
–38th & Lex
20-something girl: Oh my god! I just realized how much Darth Vader sounds like Ralph Nader!
–8th St & Broadway
Overheard by: EJ
Little boy: Oprah, save me!
–1 train
Overheard by: amused tourist
Hot Asian chick: I want to go, but do we have enough David Hasselhoff shirts to last us the whole weekend?
–140th & Broadway
Overheard by: Shringle
Guy chatting up girl: Yeah, this is a real celebrity hangout. There are probably famous people in here right now, we just don’t know who they are.
–The Spotted Pig
Russian guy on cell: I went to see Saw III. Best movie ever — the girl in front of me fainted in the beginning of the movie! Five minutes into the movie she just fainted, and her boyfriend started calling for help. I called an ambulance, they took her away… That movie was awesome!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overenthusiastic male student: Oh! I met Borat! He goes to NYU, right?
–Hunter College
Guy to everyone in theater: Shhh, I’m recording this!
–Movie theater, Court St, Brooklyn
Blonde: Yeah, so I watch Brokeback Mountain like it’s my Bible. I hang on every word, ’cause I really want to know how gay people talk.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Stina
Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren’t like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I’ve ever seen!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Philip Niosi
Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.
–The Village, near Mulberry
Overheard by: DC Diva
Girl #1: … And then he finger-fucked Isaac Asimov.
Girl #2: [Falls down laughing.]Guy: Yes, exactly.
–Columbia University
Girl: This friend of mine, her cat killed an endangered bird… in Germany. They had to bury it, like, three feet underground.
–Queens-bound E train
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Dude on cell: I saw Tim Burton on an interview the other day, and I said to my cat, ‘Snicket, behold a man who has never yet combed his hair!’
–AMDA entrance
Overheard by: McKinley’s Friend
Girl: And her cat and my cat are, like, really close…
–BX26 bus
Guy: I mean, I don’t even eat cat…
–14th St & 5th Ave
Guy to friend: No, cocaine. Cats really like cocaine!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Kerri
Buddy #1: Did you see Forest Whitaker’s speech at the Golden Globes? He won Best Actor. I’m almost positive he was on crystal meth. He was, like, stuttering and his eyes were tearing up.
Buddy #2: Maybe he was emotional ’cause he won the award.
Buddy #1: [Long, reflective pause] Yeah… Maybe that, too.
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: Wubba
Professor pointing at a slide of Andy Warhol’s Elvis and one of a giant mountain: Can anyone tell me what the similarities and differences of these two images are?
Student #1: The Warhol print is completely commercial, while the mountain is very natural.
Professor: Yes, that’s one way to see them. Anyone else?
Student #2: One’s a big rock, and one’s the king of rock.
Professor: I think we can all go home now.
–NYU
Overheard by: Addison
Jerk in back row: Paul McCartney should have stopped after the Beatles. I mean, what the fuck else good did he do after that? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. He couldn’t go from point A to point B. What’s the shortest distance from A to B, again? Like, the hypotenuse of a triangle? He never found the hypotenuse without Lennon.
Annoyed man in front of him: Dude, the hypotenuse is the longest side. Now shut the fuck up.
Annoyed man’s girlfriend: That was so hot.
–Carnegie Hall
Girl #1: Britney really needs to stop showing her hoo-ha all over Hollywood.
Girl #2: Seriously. If I see one more picture of her vag, I’ll vomit.
Girl #1: What, her mother didn’t teach her to put on panties?
Girl #2: Or get out of a car without showing her cooter?
Girl #3: I was on Perez Hilton dot com the other day, and they fully had pictures of her in all her glory.
Girl #2: Oh my god, was it bald? I heard it actually looked nice and neat.
Girl #3: Yeah, I guess it was okay. One of the nicer ones I’ve seen.
Guy at next table on cell: What? … Oh, sorry honey. No, I’m paying attention to you. I’m just at Starbucks, and some girls were, uh… talking really loud at the next table.
–Starbucks, Union Square
