Mean old New York lady: The hostesses in this place are so rude!
–67th & CPW
Overheard by: a hostess standing next to her
College kid on cell: He used my razor to shave his balls….I didn’t know what to do, I just stood there.
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: Omar
Chick: There are two types of men in this world. The type that would sleep with Paul Newman and the type that would sleep with Robert Redford, and they can’t be both. What are you?
Gay guy: Paul Newman
Chick: And you?
Asexual guy: Um…Paul Newman.
Silence.
Chick: Aren’t you going to ask me?
Gay guy: No, I don’t care.
Asexual guy: Me neither.
–F train, 2nd Ave
Suit on cell: Hey, yeah…Yeah, I just got back from 100 Centre Street. Yeah, Georgie Boy was drooling over counselor’s dick…You know, Georgie Boy: Boy George…That’s right, on his knees drooling over counselor’s dick. Moron lives on Mulberry, right around the corner from 100 Centre Street. They found like six bags of blow, says lots of people stay there, not his, whatever. But he’s shitting in his diaper…What?…Yeah, just six bags, whatever. But he’s drooling over counselor’s dick. I told him, “Don’t worry Georgie Boy”–we only call him “Georgie Boy”–I told him, “Don’t worry, you have a Jewish lawyer.” Do you really want to blow me?…Huh? What?…No!
–Russian & Turkish Baths, East 10th Street
Overheard by: Trey Desolay
Crazy guy: It’s the anniversary of the blue angora sweater!
–Pratt Library, Clinton Hill
Overheard by: Tara Topaz
Girl #1: I haven’t seen our homeless guy lately.
Girl #2: We have a homeless guy?
Girl #1: Yeah, the guy who lives on that mattress under our building.
Girl #2: Oh yeah…I hope he’s okay, I haven’t seen him all week.
Girl #1: You know you’re a New Yorker when you worry about where your homeless guy is.
–27th between 5th & Madison
Overheard by: Lauren Lerner
Guy: Hi, I need to go to Nutley, New Jersey. I know that the 192 bus goes, but–
Ticket woman: Don’t make yourself too comfortable, just ask.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: rafael
Conductor: If you see someone trying to steal from you, make a lot of noise, create a big scene, and I’m sure someone will come to your aid.
Man: Clearly this guy is not from New York. Maybe he’s from Utah or something.
–A train
Dude: You’re not from New York, are you?
Chick: No, I’m not.
Dude: Thought not. You’re too nice.
Chick: That’s the second time I’ve heard that today.
–82nd & Columbus
Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen
