Ahhh! Real New Yorkers

Is No Nationality Immune from This Line Of Reasoning?

Midwestern tourist: Is she Spanish or retarded?
New Yorker: Retarded.

–19th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Danny

Scrawny tourist boy to two passing New York girls: Hey ladies! I'm single!
New York girl: And that's why.

–Times Square

Black woman: You don’t go in there, girl, that’s the men’s bathroom! If you go in there, they’re going to rape you! And don’t think that they wouldn’t, because they will! They’re going to put you down on the floor and rape you and your daughter! You listen to me, girl!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: James Levinsohn

Husband: Yeah, keep walking! You know you can’t come back this way. They kill you here! They don’t just kill you, they kill everyone here!

–Central Park

Woman: She thinks she’s so special cause she’s pregnant. Try being 35 and not pregnant! That’s harder to do!

–81st & Amsterdam

Very pregnant woman, standing on the subway, stares at a young black guy who took the last seat.

Young black guy: What do you want lady? I didn’t get you that way!

–Union Square station

Drunk B&T chick: Look, it’s Penn Station. We could go home right now!
Cranky stranger: That sounds like a good idea to me.

–downtown A train

Overheard by: Thinking the Same Thing

Saleswoman: Hi, can I help you?
Rich woman: (ignores her)
Saleswoman: Hello…? Hi. How are you? Can I help?
Rich woman: What do you want?
Saleswoman: Um…I was just saying hello?
Rich woman: Oh! You were being friendly! How cute! Hello to you, too.

–3rd & Madison Ave

Guy, singing: “I want to be a part of it/ New York/ New York…”
Passing woman: Where the fuck are you from?

–38th & 7th

Overheard by: Agrees with woman

Sidewalk solicitor, eagerly carrying clipboard: Would you please help the…
Pitch target: No spam! (walks away briskly, not looking back)

–7th Ave

Tourist lady: Man, there must be something going on in New York today!
Flustered man: It’s called Christmas, bitch.

–Disney Store, 5th Ave & 55th

Dude: Do you think if I had a tail I’d be happy?
Girl: I’m just going to sit here quietly and ponder the ridiculousness of that statement.
Random guy: …Didn’t you steal that line from Arrested Development?
Girl: Yeah, so?
Random guy: Well, if you’re going to make fun of him for being an idiot, he should at least get to make fun of you for being a plagiarist.

–C train

Overheard by: Gradie Smith