Wheresday One-Liners

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!

–Broadway & Waverly

Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Overheard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: queenofscots

Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?

–Costco, Brooklyn

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Overheard by: Special K

Posted on December 6, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Couples, Crying, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Lies, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Another One Undergoes His NYC Initiation

Tourist: Excuse me, would you mind moving your bag? It’s touching my knee.
New Yorker: What the fuck! You’re not from around here, are you son?
Tourist: No sir, I’m from Richmond Virginia. Just got in this morning.
New Yorker: Yeah, no shit.

–9 train

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on November 16, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, On the Subway, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Tourists

Only Crazy Subway Preachers Know Both

Tourist: Does this train stop at Cortland Street?
Nun: Yes, it does.
Guy: No, it doesn’t. The station is closed.
Nun: I’ve been riding this train over 20 years. It stops at Cortland Street.
Guy, as train passes Cortland Street station: Lady, you may know Jesus, but I know the subways.

–1 train

Posted on October 18, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Catholics, Jesus, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Tourism, Tourists

Because Mr. Cruise is Clearly Well Balanced

L. Ron Hubtard: Do you have stress?
Man: I live in New York, what the fuck do you think? “Do I have stress?” Fuck you.

–Times Square station

Overheard by: ichi gami

Posted on July 18, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Assholes, Flyer people, Insults, Men, Only in New York, Questions, Religion, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

No One Likes a Fecal Flinger

Hobo: Anyone spare a dollar? Any change?
Girl: No, sorry.
Hobo: Why do you hate me?

–Broadway & Waverly

Posted on May 5, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

This Also Scares Away Demons

Tourist in crowd waiting for crosswalk: [Sneezes.]Suit: Shut the fuck up!

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: dan.j.w.

Posted on February 29, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Suits, Tourists

Time for New Friends

Girl #1: How much does he want?
Girl #2: Ten dollars.
Girl #1 to gypsy cab: Fuck you! I’d rather drag my friend home on her face than pay you ten dollars!

–Union Square East

Overheard by: Jim

Posted on February 27, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Girls, Money & Class, Travel, Union Square and East Village

Reader Poll: Should Meth Be Required for Tourists?

13-year-old brunette to tourists: Argh! Move!
13-year-old redhead: These people need to learn the ethics of jaywalking.

–Times Square

Overheard by: emma

Posted on February 5, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Crime and Punishment, Only in New York, Teens, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists

When We Took Your Wallet and Divided It Up Amongst Us, for Instance.

Drunk guy in full New Year regalia: Well, I'm from fuckin' Pennsylvania and I never seen anything like this! This shit is fantastic! Woo!
Irritated sober woman: Really? No one on this train had any idea you weren't from New York!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on February 3, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Celebrations/Parties, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, On the Subway, Only in New York, Strangers, Women

Have an Inconvenient Day

Tourist: Is this the way to the subway?
Guard: No. You need to go west of 49th.
Tourist: Can I go down there anyway?
Guard: No. There’s a special event.
Tourist: Please? We’re from California.
Guard: No. Welcome to New York.

–Rockefeller Center

Posted on August 23, 2019
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Rockefeller Center, Tourism, Tourists

Ahhh! Real New Yorkers