Ahhh! Real New Yorkers

Making the Band; A Short NYC Story

Guy: How about The Black Market Babies?
Girl: The Black Market Babies?
Guy: The thing is, there’s already a band called The Backyard Babies. If you know anything about The Backyard Babies, you wouldn’t want to be associated with them.
Girl: Isn’t that who Dana dated?
Guy: No. I got her backstage to meet him. She’s in the dressing room; I used my radio credentials to get her in. He was all ready to make a move and then he started vomiting! That’s when I met Joey Ramone. I was going to complain to Joey but he died shortly after.

–D train

How to Win Any Debate, NYC Style

Two strangers, a nerdy out-of-town businessman & a native NYC businesswoman, step onto the 6 train mid-argument. Profanities are flying out of the NYer’s mouth rapidly and with great force. The nerdy out-of-town businessman throws his harshest punch back: Why don’t you go wash your mouth out with soap?!
NYC businesswoman: Oh…why don’t you go fuck yourself?

–6 train

Overheard by: amy

Welcome to NY; Now Get the Fuck Out of Here

Tourist: Excuse me, but do you know how I can get to Penn station?
Woman in camo: Do I look like a fucking tour guide?
Tourist: Now that’s what I came to New York to find!

–5th & 82nd

“Why Not the Jews? No One’s Ever Thought of Killing Them!”

Intellectual: Dude, after September 11th, we had to go kill somebody. Someone had to die.

–Midtown office

Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper

Our Editor Still Loves His Neighborhood

A Russian man was blocking the way out of the store.

American woman: Excuse me.
Russian man: I’m picking my lemons.
American woman: Whadya want us all to do, play leapfrog over you? Move it please.
Russian man: You’re stupid.
American woman: Stupid? I got one word for you. Chernobyl! How’s that for stupid? Bet you were working there, you fucking asshole. Now move it, you fuckin’ retard!

–Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

The City Has a Two-Pack Minimum

Well-dressed young black guy: Excuse me sir, do you happen to have a cigarette?
Surfer guy: Motherfucker, you’re in New York City. Of course I have a cigarette.

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: rpk

Also Her Position on Immigration Reform

(in front of the steps of The Metropolitan Museum of Art)
Tourist: Excuse me, do you know where The Met is?
Pissed off local woman: Walk seven blocks that way, take a left and walk four blocks.
(tourist walks away)
Pissed off local woman to friend: The next time someone asks me that, I’m giving them directions to the Bronx.

–82nd & 5th

Overheard by: olivia

i.e., The Parental Prerequisite

Girl: … so dogs were getting electrocuted and they kept telling people to put boots on their dogs–
Guy: What is with these New Yorkers and their dogs? If you want a creature that badly, have a child!
Girl: You are an idiot.

–110th & Amsterdam

Well You're Flat-Chested, but Did I Point That Out??

Stranger to six-year-old girl who is one dollar short when paying: Hey there, sweetheart! I will pay that last dollar for you. Don't you worry.
Girl: No! You are fat!

–Dylan's Candy Bar

Overheard by: Acrown

Why New Yorkers Are Always Going Underground

Little girl: What’s that, mommy?
She points to double-decker site-seeing tourist bus.
Mom: That’s what the tourists use to look at us.

–46 & 8th

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