Woman, watching the Yankees lose on TV: Are the Mets playing? Let’s watch the Mets. At least that way we won’t have to be ashamed to be New Yorkers.
Man sitting next to her: You should never be ashamed to be a New Yorker. Being a New Yorker means never being ashamed and never having to say you’re sorry.
–Bar, 81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Zed
Saleslady: Where are you from?
Tourist: Kansas City.
Saleslady: There’s a city in Kansas? Like with buildings?
Tourist: Yes.
Saleslady: Tall ones?
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Evie
Tourist: Um, do you live here?
Teen girl: Uh, yeah.
Tourist: Oh, is that the Empire State Building?
Teen girl: You mean the big, pointy building?
Tourist: [nods]Teen girl: What the fuck do you think? [walks away] Fucking tourist.
Tourist: Thank you! [to friend] So, wait, is it the Empire State Building?
–near Union Square
Gallery owner: So I don’t think the wine looks enough like blood. Maybe we should use real blood.
Assistant #1: Um, yeah, maybe we could use pig’s blood from the butcher?
Owner: No, I think we could buy it from the blood bank.
Assistant #2: That’s disgusting.
–Mike Weiss Gallery, 24th St
White guy: There are many Africans where I live. I like them, because they’re more spiritual.
Chinese girl: They’re closer to nature.
–Verb Cafe, Bedford & N 7th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Outmacked
Woman on a payphone, with a hand over the receiver, yelling out to a man walking by: What city is this? What city am I in?
Man: Brooklyn!
–33rd & 9th, Manhattan
Black girl: Hey white girl, where is the party?
White girl: What? We don’t know.
Hispanic girl #1: Y’all know where all the parties are.
White girl: We are from Cali.
Black and Hispanic girls: Ohhhhh.
Long pause.
Black girl #1: Welcome.
Black girl #2: What the fuck are you, the welcome wagon?
–Times Square
Mean old New York lady: The hostesses in this place are so rude!
–67th & CPW
Overheard by: a hostess standing next to her
College kid on cell: He used my razor to shave his balls….I didn’t know what to do, I just stood there.
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: Omar
Chick: There are two types of men in this world. The type that would sleep with Paul Newman and the type that would sleep with Robert Redford, and they can’t be both. What are you?
Gay guy: Paul Newman
Chick: And you?
Asexual guy: Um…Paul Newman.
Silence.
Chick: Aren’t you going to ask me?
Gay guy: No, I don’t care.
Asexual guy: Me neither.
–F train, 2nd Ave
Suit on cell: Hey, yeah…Yeah, I just got back from 100 Centre Street. Yeah, Georgie Boy was drooling over counselor’s dick…You know, Georgie Boy: Boy George…That’s right, on his knees drooling over counselor’s dick. Moron lives on Mulberry, right around the corner from 100 Centre Street. They found like six bags of blow, says lots of people stay there, not his, whatever. But he’s shitting in his diaper…What?…Yeah, just six bags, whatever. But he’s drooling over counselor’s dick. I told him, “Don’t worry Georgie Boy”–we only call him “Georgie Boy”–I told him, “Don’t worry, you have a Jewish lawyer.” Do you really want to blow me?…Huh? What?…No!
–Russian & Turkish Baths, East 10th Street
Overheard by: Trey Desolay
