AIDS

Dude #1: If I was the last man on earth, I would die of exhaustion from banging too much!
Dude #2: If I was the last man on earth, I’d die of AIDS from banging too much.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Rich
Headline by: Syd O

Runners-Up:
· “And his guidance counselor said he wasn’t goal oriented…” – Marc
· “Apparently the apocalypse is a lot like New York in the 80s.” – julian
· “But as long as there’s even one other man left, they’re both safe” – Not buying it
· “Either Way, He’d Be Fucked!” – Hobo Whisperer
· “How is that any different then now.” – Kaleena
· “If you were the last man on earth, we’d all be lesbians” – Tam
· “If I’m goin’ everyone else is coming with me” – Botticus
· “If you were the last man on earth, I’d die from banging my head against a wall” – Becky
· “It’s a catch simplex 2.” – Vin
· “Oh yeah? If I were the last man on Earth, I’d die of whatever killed the other guys!” – Chris
· “Only After All the Batteries Are Gone” – Lush
· “The Planet Of All Women Drivers, I Know How I Would Die” – berger inferno

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Biker lady: You think I have syphilis? Hah!

–Hudson River running path, 38th St

Overheard by: lukejoy

Girl on cell: I know! She was, like, so defensive about it! Like, “So he impregnated me; at least I didn’t get herpes.” I was like, “Honey, is that really a fair trade?”

–A train

Overheard by: claire

Ghetto teen: You know, like 90 percent of all people have herpes. That’s like 1 in every 3 people.

–Suffolk & Rivington

Girl: I know, when I first got chlamydia, I didn’t know who to turn to. Luckily I got it from my doctor.

–45th & 5th

Overheard by: Jerringo Nationpess

Old lady, during a Clerks II scene dealing with “ass to mouth,” to old man: That’s how you get E. coli!

–Movie theater, 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: katey

Queer on cell: I’m not saying he’s a nasty faggot. I’m just saying he has HIV.

–5th Ave between 4th and 5th, Park Slope

Overheard by: Gus

Guy on cell: So I went to Amsterdam and got a handjob from a hooker, and I thought I had HIV for, like, two years…Yeah, I’m a pretty weird guy.

–Whole Foods, Chelsea

Wistful girl: I was thinking about that guy I used to hook up with all the time, and it really makes me sad for what I’m missing.
Practical girl: What, AIDS?

–Grand Central

Girl #1: So, I just got my HIV test done for the Peace Corps.
Girl #2: Yeah, you wouldn’t want to bring AIDS to Africa or anything.

–52nd St

Overheard by: that’s just wrong

Guy on cell: My doctor told me if you piss right after sex, you can’t get STDs…Yeah, I do it all the time.

–Suffolk & Rivington

Overheard by: John

Loud teen girl: Wait, you had a dream that you had AIDS? That I had AIDS? Fuck you, man.

–Brighton Beach, Brooklyn

Chick on cell: I know it’s sick, but I’m so excited that I can have unsafe sex now!

–23rd Street & Broadway

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Concerned citizen: Excuse me, I don’t know if this is a trans-generational or New York metropolitan faux pas, but you should really tell your friend, girlfriend, lady friend or whatever that one in every four persons in America has herpes.

–sushi restaurant, 1st Ave

Overheard by: Caitlyn

Guy: Yo, so did you do the AIDS walk thing?
Girl: No. I don’t have AIDS.
Hobo: Not yet she doesn’t.

–Columbus Circle

HS girl #1: Well, I do not want people cloning me. Unless God came to me in a dream and said, “Pilar, you need to clone yourself so that you can live again and save the world”, then I will. But otherwise, I do not want people cloning me. Because if you get cloned you know you have to relive all your same problems and stuff. Isn’t that how cloning works? Anyways, cloning is stupid.
HS girl #2: Yeah, cloning is stupid. Why haven’t they been working on a cure for AIDS or breast cancer? They just want to make everyone die so they can clone them.

–Health Opportunities High School, South Bronx

Girl #1: You’re going off the pill? What about STDs and AIDS?
Girl #2: Yeah, and babies!
Girl #1: STDs and AIDS are worse than babies.
Girl #2: True.

–Madison & 26th

Overheard by: K8

Girl #1: …It’s so scary how time flies.
Girl #2: You know what’s even scarier than that?
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: AIDS.

–68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Anne O.

Guy: Can I ask you a question…because you’re so beautiful?
Girl: I’m not interested, thanks.
Guy: It’s about AIDS.

–Mimi’s Pizza Kitchen, Lexington Avenue

Guy #1: You dated her? Didn’t she used to have herpes?
Guy #2: “Used to”? Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving.
Guy #3: Herpes is the poor man’s AIDS.

–Brother Jimmy’s, 2nd Avenue