Effeminate thug: Look at all the couples around us! They’re happy! Why can’t we be like that?!
Bimbette: I’m happy!
Effeminate thug: Well, I’m not. I don’t understand why you have to keep lying to me and acting like it’s all a joke.
Bimbette: Because I’m happy!
Effeminate thug: That’s it, I’m leaving.
Bimbette: Want a blowjob?
Effeminate thug: … Okay.
–R train
Overheard by: Yvo
Queer #1: Who were you trying to give head to in the photo booth?
Queer #2: Oh, Jason — you weren’t there. He wouldn’t go for it, though, so we’re not together anymore.
Queer #1: I’m sorry.
Queer #2: … Really for a multitude of reasons… Refusing to engage in oral sex at a work party was like, well, the last straw.
–1st & 1st
Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jatmos
Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!
–Coffee shop
Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.
–NYU
Overheard by: woods comma elle
Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.
–The Dalton School
Overheard by: Marissa
30-ish woman #1: I really didn’t know what a blowjob was ’til I was, like, really old.
30-ish woman #2: You mean until you actually had it in your mouth?
–Cobble Hill
Suit #1: So basically what you’re saying is that your misses is a whore?
Suit #2: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.
Suit #1: And you’re okay with this?
Suit #2: I’m cool with it as long as I keep getting lots of head.
–85th & Lex
Overheard by: marisa
Preppy girl: I don’t get it. How are you too busy to have sex but have enough time to get head?
Thug: Well, I don’t have to do any work. All I have to do is lie there.
Preppy girl: Oh, okay. What time should I come over?
–Ferry to Ellis Island
Hipster girl #1: I was blowing him and it was taking, like, 20 minutes, so I finally told him to hurry up since my jaw was hurting.
Hipster girl #2: I hate that! How can they take that long to just finish?
Suit nearby: If you would do it right, it would only take two minutes.
–2 train
Overheard by: TP
Bag lady: You look like you got a shitty job!
Suit: Do you even have a job?
Bag lady: Oh, yeah, I do all kinds of jobs. Hand jobs, blowjobs, foot jobs…
Suit: That’s not what I meant–
Bag lady: –Tit jobs…
–6 train
Overheard by: Digeridude
Hoochie: He thought I was boring because I wouldn’t blow him.
–34th & 6th
Hot girl #1: Oh my god! He spent the night last night?! Did you have sex?!
Hot girl #2: No, no sex.
Hot girl #1: Well, did you touch his penis?
Hot girl #2: Well, yeah… With my mouth.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
