Girl #1: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know. I’m thinking about returning it.
Girl #3, a minute later: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know! I’m hip hop.
–Williamsburg
Girl #1: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know. I’m thinking about returning it.
Girl #3, a minute later: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know! I’m hip hop.
–Williamsburg
Lady: Do I look fat in this dress?
Bystander: Yeah, you do. What? We were all thinking it!
–71 Continental Ave station
Overheard by: Kirby J
Hipster girl: How could you wear that?!
Fur coat lady: I love animals so much that if I can’t be one I might as well wear one around my neck!
–N train
Overheard by: teabird
Man on cell: I had a great time last night… Yeah, I got home really late, too. I lost my scarf, but I gained a boa… [Louder] A boa… [Louder still] A boa… Black.
–Q train over Manhattan Bridge
Overheard by: Tyler
Crazy hipster: I always suspected them of wearing coats!
–L train
Overheard by: brian Sabowski
Chick: You know, if you lift your skirt up and the guy still doesn’t respond, maybe you should give up the ghost.
–Marquee, 26th & 10th
Dude: You know, it’s probably because the aluminum foil in your fedora is melting.
–Gramercy Park
Overheard by: i work with this
Girl: I was, like, covered in beer. I didn’t even know where my skirt was.
–6th St & 2nd Ave
Dude on cell: … But when you’re sick, you don’t wear pants.
–Red Cat, 10th Ave
Tourist girl, excited: I just bought this 100 percent cashmere scarf for five bucks! I just gotta find out what kinda fabric it’s made out of.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Jen & Paul
Black guy #1: Dawg, we been waitin’ here for a min– I think someone done jacked my shit.
Black guy #2: What? Yo, you serious?
Black guy #1: I’m for real. All my Sean John, Fubu — all my damn gear was in that shit.
Black guy #2: Nigga, don’t worry, just jack someone else’s shit. Don’t matter noway.
–Baggage claim, JFK
Pilot on intercom: This is a non-smoking flight. Please do not smoke until… ever. Smoking is bad for you.
–American Airlines flight
Ghetto mom to lady with cigarette: Bitch, you just ashed on my baby!
–Outside Times Square Toys ‘R’ Us
Overheard by: trying not to ash on the stroller myself
Professor arguing with student: I’m just giving you a hard time. I accidentally bought the low-dose Nicotine gum, and it’s just not cutting it.
–100 Washington Sq East
Little girl: Mommy, you know how it’s cool to wear black? Maybe having black lungs is cool, too!
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Conductor: As a reminder, there is no smoking allowed in the train restrooms. We know who you are.
–Amtrak Acela approaching Penn Station
Overheard by: wasn’t me
Red-faced white guy: Augh! I was just so mad at him! I couldn’t take it anymore. I hate that guy so much! I want to bust him in his face and take all his teeth. I’d grind ’em up and smoke them. Smoke his teeth right there in front of him.
–PATH, 9th St
Overheard by: Zenana
Chick: I think I’m going to take up smoking in order to make friends.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Man: Oh my gosh, that’s so embarrassing. Am I wearing white underwear?
Woman: I didn’t know how to tell you.
Man: What, we can talk about cock sucking, but you can’t tell me I have a rip in my pants?
–Outside Prune restaurant, Lower East Side
Man to fat lady holding up traffic on the stairs: Excuse me, ma’am. Do you need a hand?
Fat lady: Do I need a hand? Yeah, I need a hand, a foot, an arm, a leg… Shit, nigga, I need a mink coat!
–Subway exit stairs, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
Girl #1: That is such a cute shirt.
Girl #2: Thanks, but it’s actually a dress.
Girl #1: Is it?
Girl #2: Well, I hope so, because I’m not wearing any pants.
–NYU
Girl #1: Hey, Sarah*, it’s great to see you! Great, um, tunic! Are those stretch pants?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh! Because on you, they totally look like stretch pants! Rock on!
–Floyd bar, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: A White Bear
