Wanna Buy a Bridge?

Old man picks loose string off back of woman’s coat: You’ve got something there… Ah, now you’re perfect!
Woman: Oh, well, thank you!
Old man: You believe that and you’ll believe anything.

–Stromboli’s Pizza, St. Mark’s & 1st Ave

Overheard by: shankalicious

Headline by: greg

Runners-Up:

· “Like Creationism…” – Drew

· “Now hold still while I examine you for breast cancer” – Zorak

· “On an unrelated note, my penis cures cancer” – Wes Mantooth

· “Puppetmaster IV: The Rude Awakening” – Chris

· “That’s What God Said To Adam & Eve, Too” – fritzy

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 16, 2007
Clothing, Comebacks, Compliments, Headline Contest Winners, Liars, Lies, Men, Old People, Restaurants & Cafes, Talking/Convos, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Them All in the Air

Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt!

–Stuyvesant High School

Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday!

–Ave A

Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face.

–Line at Upright Citizens Brigade

Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out?

–W 49th & Broadway

Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls…

–Washington Square Park

Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.]

–8 train

Overheard by: Alex

Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf.

–Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival

Overheard by: I hate it when that happens

Posted on April 11, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Birthdays, Body Parts, Clothing, Kick, Offers and requests, Sex, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Wishes & desires

Ironically, He Sold Them for the Coin

Chick: Does anyone have a coin?
Dude: Yeah, I do. It’s in my pants. Wait, where are my pants?!

–Chelsea

Posted on April 10, 2007
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Money & Class, Stupidity

You Always Bring It Back to You

Girl #1: So, what are you wearing to this stupid thing tonight?
Girl #2: Seriously? I already told you at least twice.
Girl #1: Yeah… What I meant was, ‘What should I wear tonight?’ but I didn’t want to sound self-centered.

–Forever 21, Union Square

Posted on April 1, 2007
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Clothing, Friends, Union Square and East Village

The Idea Seems So Tawdry Now That I’m Peeing

Drunk redhead: Oh my god. I totally tore Hannah’s shirt tonight. I can’t believe I did that.
Friend in stall: Oh, she doesn’t even care, don’t worry about it.
Drunk redhead: But that was a new shirt! No one had ever worn it before, and now I ripped it. I was going to tell her to make up a crazy sex story about how it got torn, but I don’t know now.

–Restroom, Brother Jimmy’s, 80th & Amsterdam

Posted on March 31, 2007
Clothing, Drunks, Stall Spies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners by Victoria

Puerto Rican girl to another: I never dated a white guy, ’cause they got bad taste in underwear.

–Subway station, Times Square

Overheard by: Mama

Chick: … So I was dancing in the kitchen in my underwear and I looked out the window and the orthodox Yeshiva student guy that lives across the building from me was just staring open-mouthed. I’m never gonna open the curtains in the kitchen again.

–181st St

Overheard by: LSB

Mother to toddler son: Now, honey, close your eyes. This isn’t for you.

–Frederick’s of Hollywood, King’s Plaza

Queer: I totally go out of my way to wear edible thongs to work.

–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Teen girl quickly descending staircase: I didn’t wear a bra again today. My boobs are bouncing down these stairs!

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Suit on cell: Well, I mean, I have thongs… But I really don’t consider those underwear…

–W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on March 14, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Kids, Kink, Moms, Nudity, Office politics, Puerto Ricans, Rack, Suits, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners

Or Tattoos! What about Tattoos?

Thug #1: Yo, fuck them ‘Free Yayo’ t-shirt whack shits.
Thug #2: Them shits should say ‘Free Us from Yayo’ and on the back some ‘Whackness is a Crime’ shit. Cooold blooded! What ya’ll think?
Thug #3: Some of you niggas need to get t-shirts that say ‘Free Us from Illiteracy and Ignorance.’

–Bronx-bound 4 train

Overheard by: solar

Posted on March 12, 2007
Clothing, On the Subway, Thugs

Situational Ethics

Girl #1: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know. I’m thinking about returning it.
Girl #3, a minute later: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know! I’m hip hop.

–Williamsburg