Chick: Does anyone have a coin?
Dude: Yeah, I do. It’s in my pants. Wait, where are my pants?!
–Chelsea
Chick: Does anyone have a coin?
Dude: Yeah, I do. It’s in my pants. Wait, where are my pants?!
–Chelsea
Girl #1: So, what are you wearing to this stupid thing tonight?
Girl #2: Seriously? I already told you at least twice.
Girl #1: Yeah… What I meant was, ‘What should I wear tonight?’ but I didn’t want to sound self-centered.
–Forever 21, Union Square
Drunk redhead: Oh my god. I totally tore Hannah’s shirt tonight. I can’t believe I did that.
Friend in stall: Oh, she doesn’t even care, don’t worry about it.
Drunk redhead: But that was a new shirt! No one had ever worn it before, and now I ripped it. I was going to tell her to make up a crazy sex story about how it got torn, but I don’t know now.
–Restroom, Brother Jimmy’s, 80th & Amsterdam
Puerto Rican girl to another: I never dated a white guy, ’cause they got bad taste in underwear.
–Subway station, Times Square
Overheard by: Mama
Chick: … So I was dancing in the kitchen in my underwear and I looked out the window and the orthodox Yeshiva student guy that lives across the building from me was just staring open-mouthed. I’m never gonna open the curtains in the kitchen again.
–181st St
Overheard by: LSB
Mother to toddler son: Now, honey, close your eyes. This isn’t for you.
–Frederick’s of Hollywood, King’s Plaza
Queer: I totally go out of my way to wear edible thongs to work.
–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Teen girl quickly descending staircase: I didn’t wear a bra again today. My boobs are bouncing down these stairs!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Suit on cell: Well, I mean, I have thongs… But I really don’t consider those underwear…
–W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Laura
Thug #1: Yo, fuck them ‘Free Yayo’ t-shirt whack shits.
Thug #2: Them shits should say ‘Free Us from Yayo’ and on the back some ‘Whackness is a Crime’ shit. Cooold blooded! What ya’ll think?
Thug #3: Some of you niggas need to get t-shirts that say ‘Free Us from Illiteracy and Ignorance.’
–Bronx-bound 4 train
Overheard by: solar
Girl #1: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know. I’m thinking about returning it.
Girl #3, a minute later: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know! I’m hip hop.
–Williamsburg
Lady: Do I look fat in this dress?
Bystander: Yeah, you do. What? We were all thinking it!
–71 Continental Ave station
Overheard by: Kirby J
Hipster girl: How could you wear that?!
Fur coat lady: I love animals so much that if I can’t be one I might as well wear one around my neck!
–N train
Overheard by: teabird
Man on cell: I had a great time last night… Yeah, I got home really late, too. I lost my scarf, but I gained a boa… [Louder] A boa… [Louder still] A boa… Black.
–Q train over Manhattan Bridge
Overheard by: Tyler
Crazy hipster: I always suspected them of wearing coats!
–L train
Overheard by: brian Sabowski
Chick: You know, if you lift your skirt up and the guy still doesn’t respond, maybe you should give up the ghost.
–Marquee, 26th & 10th
Dude: You know, it’s probably because the aluminum foil in your fedora is melting.
–Gramercy Park
Overheard by: i work with this
Girl: I was, like, covered in beer. I didn’t even know where my skirt was.
–6th St & 2nd Ave
Dude on cell: … But when you’re sick, you don’t wear pants.
–Red Cat, 10th Ave
Tourist girl, excited: I just bought this 100 percent cashmere scarf for five bucks! I just gotta find out what kinda fabric it’s made out of.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Jen & Paul
Black guy #1: Dawg, we been waitin’ here for a min– I think someone done jacked my shit.
Black guy #2: What? Yo, you serious?
Black guy #1: I’m for real. All my Sean John, Fubu — all my damn gear was in that shit.
Black guy #2: Nigga, don’t worry, just jack someone else’s shit. Don’t matter noway.
–Baggage claim, JFK
