Girl: Leggings are not pants! Leggings are not pants! And look at the shorts on that one! I can see her butt connection.
Guy: Her crack?
Girl: No, it’s not her crack. It’s the, you know, part where it connects up underneath. I can see it!
–3rd floor bridge, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Old lady: Take your coat off — it’s a hundred degrees in here!
Old man: Stop talking to me!
–Architectural Digest event, W 59th & 12th
Girl #1: What do you mean I’m ‘the cutest thing ever’? I’m 21! What am I, a puppy?!
Girl #2: All I meant was you wear colorful clothes and smile a lot!
–Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Abram
College girl #1: If you have holes in your pants and it’s winter, you’re not making a fashion statement, you’re poor.
College girl #2: But she was wearing leggings under them…
College girl #1: No, I don’t care. She’s poor.
–St. John’s University
Girl picking up a sweater: This is so cute!
Friend: Ick!
Girl, pointing at a pair of jeans: Oh, I love those! They’d fit me really nicely.
Friend: Um, no.
Girl, pointing at a dress: … Is this cute?
Friend: Meh.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: SUSAN
Geek #1: Wow. You’ve got a death metal shirt on top of a death metal shirt on top of another death metal shirt!
Geek #2: No, it’s a black metal shirt on top of a death metal shirt on top of another black metal shirt!
Geek #1: Oh! It’s a sandwich!
–Grassroots, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Meli$$a
Chick: So, with my toplessness and your bottomlessness we will equal one naked person tonight?
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Lady suit on cell: I told her to try the site at home and she screws her face up, scoffs at me and storms off like I’d told her to go stand on the BQE naked!
–PATH train, 9th St
Overheard by: Zenana
Cool cop: She looks great when she is naked, but when she is dressed, you know, not so great.
–1 train, 96th St
Chick to friends: The way he said it was, ‘I sleep naked so if I have to get up at night to go to the bathroom, why should I put boxers on? I’ll just put a sock on it.’
–Starbucks, Times Square
Cute hipster on cell: I was so confused this morning. I woke up naked in Queens with a stripper! I was like, ‘Fuck, I guess I had a good night…’
–Clark & Henry St, Brooklyn
Drunk guy: … And she was all drunk, dancing around naked in the attic again.
–Restaurant, Waverly & MacDougal
Clerk: What about this one?
40-something woman looking at skin-tight, black leather mini dress: Hmmm… I like it, but do you have anything with a little less leather for church?
–Orchard St
Overheard by: what kind of church does she go to?
Old man picks loose string off back of woman’s coat: You’ve got something there… Ah, now you’re perfect!
Woman: Oh, well, thank you!
Old man: You believe that and you’ll believe anything.
–Stromboli’s Pizza, St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
Overheard by: shankalicious
Headline by: greg
Runners-Up:
· “Like Creationism…” – Drew
· “Now hold still while I examine you for breast cancer” – Zorak
· “On an unrelated note, my penis cures cancer” – Wes Mantooth
· “Puppetmaster IV: The Rude Awakening” – Chris
· “That’s What God Said To Adam & Eve, Too” – fritzy
Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt!
–Stuyvesant High School
Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday!
–Ave A
Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face.
–Line at Upright Citizens Brigade
Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out?
–W 49th & Broadway
Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls…
–Washington Square Park
Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.]
–8 train
Overheard by: Alex
Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf.
–Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival
Overheard by: I hate it when that happens
