Geek #1: Wow. You’ve got a death metal shirt on top of a death metal shirt on top of another death metal shirt!
Geek #2: No, it’s a black metal shirt on top of a death metal shirt on top of another black metal shirt!
Geek #1: Oh! It’s a sandwich!
–Grassroots, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Meli$$a
Chick: So, with my toplessness and your bottomlessness we will equal one naked person tonight?
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Lady suit on cell: I told her to try the site at home and she screws her face up, scoffs at me and storms off like I’d told her to go stand on the BQE naked!
–PATH train, 9th St
Overheard by: Zenana
Cool cop: She looks great when she is naked, but when she is dressed, you know, not so great.
–1 train, 96th St
Chick to friends: The way he said it was, ‘I sleep naked so if I have to get up at night to go to the bathroom, why should I put boxers on? I’ll just put a sock on it.’
–Starbucks, Times Square
Cute hipster on cell: I was so confused this morning. I woke up naked in Queens with a stripper! I was like, ‘Fuck, I guess I had a good night…’
–Clark & Henry St, Brooklyn
Drunk guy: … And she was all drunk, dancing around naked in the attic again.
–Restaurant, Waverly & MacDougal
Clerk: What about this one?
40-something woman looking at skin-tight, black leather mini dress: Hmmm… I like it, but do you have anything with a little less leather for church?
–Orchard St
Overheard by: what kind of church does she go to?
Old man picks loose string off back of woman’s coat: You’ve got something there… Ah, now you’re perfect!
Woman: Oh, well, thank you!
Old man: You believe that and you’ll believe anything.
–Stromboli’s Pizza, St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
Overheard by: shankalicious
Headline by: greg
Runners-Up:
· “Like Creationism…” – Drew
· “Now hold still while I examine you for breast cancer” – Zorak
· “On an unrelated note, my penis cures cancer” – Wes Mantooth
· “Puppetmaster IV: The Rude Awakening” – Chris
· “That’s What God Said To Adam & Eve, Too” – fritzy
Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt!
–Stuyvesant High School
Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday!
–Ave A
Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face.
–Line at Upright Citizens Brigade
Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out?
–W 49th & Broadway
Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls…
–Washington Square Park
Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.]
–8 train
Overheard by: Alex
Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf.
–Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival
Overheard by: I hate it when that happens
Chick: Does anyone have a coin?
Dude: Yeah, I do. It’s in my pants. Wait, where are my pants?!
–Chelsea
Girl #1: So, what are you wearing to this stupid thing tonight?
Girl #2: Seriously? I already told you at least twice.
Girl #1: Yeah… What I meant was, ‘What should I wear tonight?’ but I didn’t want to sound self-centered.
–Forever 21, Union Square
Drunk redhead: Oh my god. I totally tore Hannah’s shirt tonight. I can’t believe I did that.
Friend in stall: Oh, she doesn’t even care, don’t worry about it.
Drunk redhead: But that was a new shirt! No one had ever worn it before, and now I ripped it. I was going to tell her to make up a crazy sex story about how it got torn, but I don’t know now.
–Restroom, Brother Jimmy’s, 80th & Amsterdam
Puerto Rican girl to another: I never dated a white guy, ’cause they got bad taste in underwear.
–Subway station, Times Square
Overheard by: Mama
Chick: … So I was dancing in the kitchen in my underwear and I looked out the window and the orthodox Yeshiva student guy that lives across the building from me was just staring open-mouthed. I’m never gonna open the curtains in the kitchen again.
–181st St
Overheard by: LSB
Mother to toddler son: Now, honey, close your eyes. This isn’t for you.
–Frederick’s of Hollywood, King’s Plaza
Queer: I totally go out of my way to wear edible thongs to work.
–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Teen girl quickly descending staircase: I didn’t wear a bra again today. My boobs are bouncing down these stairs!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Suit on cell: Well, I mean, I have thongs… But I really don’t consider those underwear…
–W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Laura
Thug #1: Yo, fuck them ‘Free Yayo’ t-shirt whack shits.
Thug #2: Them shits should say ‘Free Us from Yayo’ and on the back some ‘Whackness is a Crime’ shit. Cooold blooded! What ya’ll think?
Thug #3: Some of you niggas need to get t-shirts that say ‘Free Us from Illiteracy and Ignorance.’
–Bronx-bound 4 train
Overheard by: solar
