Woman #1: Mark said that it smelled like you crapped your pants out there.
Woman #2: It did smell really bad at the bar.
Woman #1: But Mark said it smelled like you crapped your pants.
Woman #2: That I crapped my pants? Why would he say that about me? Oh my god, I hope he doesn’t think that about me.
Woman #1: No, I don’t think he does.
Woman #2: Then why would he say that? God, going out is so hard.
Woman #1: Let’s go home by two tonight.
–Bar, 89th & 3rd
Chick on cell: The problem is there aren’t that many eligible bachelors who are dying.
–Queens Blvd, Forest Hills
Overheard by: Janet
Asian girl: Its okay for you to be shallow now, but if you’re 30 and unmarried, you should look into personality… Or income.
–3rd St & Ave A
Bimbette to guy friend: Do a handstand contest with her and you definitely have a date.
–LIRR
Overheard by: yogi
Girl on cell: Nooo, I didn’t mean that you were dating yourself in a bad way!
–DSW, 14th St
Overheard by: lish
Old lady #1: Why are you dating a 30-year-old guy?
Old lady #2: … Well, he just got a haircut.
–Union Square East, 15th St
Overheard by: Steve Scalici
Frumpy Asian guy: She’s a Hitler-lover.
Tall Aryan guy: I don’t care about the Hitler-lover thing as long as she’s hot. [High fives are exchanged.]
–Fordham University Rose Hill, Bronx
Girl on first date: Are you texting someone?
Guy on first date: No, I’m just playing Tetris.
Girl on first date: Okay… You know what? I gotta go, it’s getting late.
–Sushi bar
Guy: Did you try rebooting?
Chick: Of course.
Guy: Because that’s the first thing you should try doing when you–
Chick: –Look, half the guys I’ve dated have been in tech support. I’ve picked up a hell of a lot more than just VD. I know about rebooting.
–NYU
Overheard by: ctrl alt delete
Charmer on cell: Yeah, man. I mean, I kind of like her. I’m not that crazy about her kids, but I think I’m going to keep seeing her. Her apartment’s in a really great location.
–Outside Central Bar, 9th & 3rd
Hipster chick: Sometimes I think finding a boy to be bitchy to is just as good as finding a boyfriend.
–F train
Overheard by: Miss Carrie
Tough girl to friend: I’ve decided you need to be with a hard guy.
–M16 bus, near Waterside
Overheard by: inothernews
Wannabe thug on cell to girlfriend: Look, I gotta be single. All I wanna do is get money, stay fresh, dress fly, and fuck bitches.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Me Too
JAP: I would never date anyone who lives in a borough.
–122nd & Broadway
Overheard by: guarquez sanchez
Dad to depressed 13-year-old girl: Remember — friends are forever, boys are whatever.
–106th & Madison
Overheard by: Laura
Chick on cell: Yeah, so everything’s good, but I don’t think I’d go out with him again.
–Outside Church of the Incarnation, 35th & Madison
Processed 60-ish brunette: I’m seeing Arthur again.
Processed 60-ish blonde: Arthur from upstate?
Processed 60-ish brunette: No, Arthur from the Holocaust.
–Le Pain Quotidien, 17th & 7th
Overheard by: Nancy Weber
Girl #1: So, are you and Evan still hooking up?
Girl #2: Oh, yeah. Yeah, we are. But, I mean, I don’t know how I really feel. It’s starting to get really serious! Like, right now we’re doing laundry together.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Annoying girl on first date: Now, I don’t wear a lot of jewelry, so my engagement ring will really have to be spectacular.
Dazed guy: [Silence.]Annoying girl: And I’ve decided that I’ve got to have a destination wedding.
–Seafood restaurant, 77th & 3rd
