Woman: Damn, girl, I wanna get a nice coffin, and I can’t be all hanging out and shit.
Friend: That’s so true! When I leave, I wanna leave with a bang. I’m gonna get my nails done, and my ears did…
–5 train
Overheard by: ears did?
Woman: Damn, girl, I wanna get a nice coffin, and I can’t be all hanging out and shit.
Friend: That’s so true! When I leave, I wanna leave with a bang. I’m gonna get my nails done, and my ears did…
–5 train
Overheard by: ears did?
NYU chick #1: So, is he dead?
NYU chick #2: Well, he wakes up, but… you know…
–Brown Building Lab, NYU
Dude on cell: The thing is… Is… She was inseminated… By a dead man.
–Outside of Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Red Stapler
Hipster suit on cell: Wait, wait, wait. What are the details on this drop-dead clause again?
–MoMA
Man on cell: Well, it’s a shame he’s still alive.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: mma
Hipster girl to friend: Well, you know what? It’s kind of good he killed her.
–L train
Overheard by: keeeem
Woman: He was dead! It was great!
–Penn Station
Hipster: If you take a handful of Grapenuts and don’t add milk, and you hurl them as hard as you can at somebody’s face, you can take out both their eyes and maybe kill them… I can’t believe I spent the whole day at the hospital, and they told me to go to the dentist!
–V Bar cafe, Greenwich Village
Overheard by: sean savage
Angry man on cell: I’ve given her everything! Everything! She wanted me to kill someone! She wanted me to fuck somebody up good! What else can I do?
–15th & 6th
Fish guy: Yeah, my dad died of colon cancer in 2001.
Blonde: Oh, how’s he doing?
–Grocery store, Astoria
Overheard by: Dustin
Headline by: Mr. Gee
Runners-Up:
· “‘Great Listener’ Is On Her Resumee” – Denny
· “Decomposing Quite Nicely, Thank You for Asking” – RBNY
· “I’d Say His Condition Is Stable” – Tadzio
· “Rolling Over About Now” – Kaitlen
· “Rotting, No Doubt” – Katy
· “Well, Mom Won’t Share a Bed with Him Anymore.” – Cassie
· “Worst Pick-up, Best Blow-off” – halfknot
Girl: What was with that shower?
Guy: What do you mean? When she was killed?
Girl: Yeah… It really freaked me out.
Guy: Why’s that?
Girl: Well… She got killed, duh… I mean, who showers alone?!
–Movie theater
Guy: You know — it’s Dow Jones and NASDAQ.
Girl: Who are they? Those guys that died?
–14th & Park Ave South
Guy: Do you think you’d be able to take a dead fetus on a plane?
Girl: Maybe on a domestic flight.
–Barnard dorm
Overheard by: babs standigio
Guy to girlfriend: Every time I get pissed, I’ll list a person who’s dead.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Rachel Graham
Mom to four-year-old daughter: So, let me get this straight. Everybody was dead, then you walked in the street, and then you got kidnapped? And then you got killed?
–86th & Lex
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Seeing the genitals of a corpse is, like, a huge turn-off.
–Bodies Exhibit, Fulton St
Overheard by: Secret Asian
Woman: So I called her and I asked her, ‘Did you die?’ And she said, ‘No!’
–Pearl River Mart, Soho
Dude on cell: He’s dead? Yes!
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Adam
Fat Midwestern girl: Is your dad a miner?
Thin European woman: Yes, he is!
Fat Midwestern girl: For how long has he been a miner?
Thin European woman, proudly: Thirty years!
Fat Midwestern girl: He’ll be dead in 10 years.
–Q train
Jew: He died for your sins! Bruce Lee died of a questionable overdose of aspirin for your sins!
–Central Park
Overheard by: AJ
Dude passing street meat cart: Mmm… I want whatever dead animal that is!
–53rd & 3rd
Blonde WASP on cell: It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even go onto the porch anymore, because the dead bodies are attracting so many flies.
–Washington Square
Little girl: Daddy, you have to do something interesting before you die!
–86th & Broadway
Hipster: Until I was 10 I thought my grandmother killed my grandfather with red velvet cake.
–Smith & Degraw, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Exploding Cake
