Blonde #1: … So, he was like, sitting there, and she needed to take a tinkle, so, you know… She opened the door and a truck just smashed into her, and the car… Like, totally.
Blonde #2: Oh my god. I hope he had insurance.
Blonde #1: Yeah, me too.
–Union Square
Female attorney: Bush said that America will rebuild Lennon. Why should we? We didn’t bomb them. We have enough problems of our own to worry about. Bush is nuts!
Male attorney: Lennon’s been dead for over 25 years.
–Outside Civil Court, Queens
Overheard by: Big Larry
Guy on cell: I said to send flowers to his grave! What? Flowers! Wait. I just lost you for a second. Can you hear me now?
Annoyed passenger: Yes, we fucking can.
–NJ Transit
Woman: How much are those?
Man selling roses: Two dollars.
Woman: They die.
–W 4th & Barrow
Overheard by: SarahW
Mom: Get off that damn railing before you fall and your head busts open like a watermelon!
Kid #1: Watermelon? You’re gonna be a watermelon!
Kid #2: I love watermelon!
–Clinton Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: blackbuttoneyes
Father to son: Well, I guess she’ll just have to become a stripper…
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lezbitron
Girl on phone: I guess we should go ahead with the strippers and do it.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: MG
Middle-aged woman: I don’t know. I mean, can you put a 20 in the G-string?
–Metro-North, Harlem Line
Frat boy: Hey, man, belly dancers ain’t strippers. I learned that the hard way.
–AMC Theaters, Lincoln Center
Girl to pal: Well, where do you want your ashes spread? A strip club?
–12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Talia
Patron: I just saw Dreamgirls.
Pianist: How was it?
Patron: So good it killed James Brown.
–Marie’s Crisis, 59 Grove St
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Dude: It’s Kurt Cobain’s birthday soon.
Grungy hipster girl: Reeeally?
Skinny frat boy: Too bad he shot himself in the head.
Dude: Haha, yeah. Shotgun!
–New School dorm
Overheard by: Cameron
Black tween girl: So, Jared was like, ‘What? You want a pizza party?’ and I said, ‘No, I want a party that I can pop, lock, and drop in.’ And then she goes, ‘Girl, I can pop and lock, but if I drop, I’ll drop.
–59th & Lex N/R/W stop
Overheard by: koala
Drunk guy on cell: What? Yeah, it’s always a great party… Hmmm… Let me think of who I have to sleep with to get you an invite…
–34th & 3rd
20-ish chick: I was telling the girls about how his cock unfurls like one of those party blowers, and then they happened to have those blowers at the New Year’s Eve party we went to, so I tormented them with one all night.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Late-30s guy: I’m the kind of guy who goes to parties and brags about my perky corneas.
–House party, S 8th St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Guy on cell: Well, the funeral was Tuesday… Yeah, the party was that night.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: Suzz
Barbie type to tourist pals: It sucks — you guys are like two weeks late to party with Heath Ledger.
–2nd Ave, between E 6th & E 7th St
Overheard by: Ben
Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.
–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd
Overheard by: Jack
Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!
–Borders
Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.
–42nd & Broadway
Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!
–Wall St & Broadway
11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!
–E train, 50th St
