The Girls Learn How Important It Is to Be Cute

Man: That’s a very cute dog!
Girl #1: Yes, she is. My dad got her at a pet store. He was going to get a dog at the shelter, but he didn’t want to.
Girl #2: Yeah, so the dog he would have gotten at the shelter died, because it was a kill shelter.
Dad: Um, I’m not really taking full responsibility for that.
Girl #1: The dog was killed. Just because you didn’t want it.
Girl #2: Yeah, dad.
Dad: Really. I think this is less than 5% my fault. Look, this where we get off.
Man: Have a good night! Sleep well.

–Elevator, 82nd & 3rd

Overheard by: emily

Posted on July 26, 2008
Compliments, Dads, Death, Default, Elevators, Girls, Men, Upper East Side, We Love Our Pets

Then I’d Steal Your Tampons, Since You Wouldn’t Need Them

Private school girl: Would you cry if you found out I was dying?
Friend: Sure, if I was on my period.

–Great Lawn

Posted on July 4, 2008
Central Park, Crying, Death, Default, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Menstruation, Questions, Students

Craig Failed “Acronyms” Three Times

Detective #1: Hurry up, we have a DOA!
Detective #2: Relax, it’s just a DOA. It’s not like somebody died.

–Upper Westside Police Precinct

Overheard by: BigCitySgt

Posted on July 3, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Cops, Coworkers, Death, Default, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Be Sure to Bury Me with My DS

Little girl with Nintendo DS: Mommy, since I can’t sleep in my room tonight, do I still have to help you right now?
Mom: Yes, you can still help.
Little girl: Ugh, fine. Just let me go die.

–Union Square

Posted on July 1, 2008
Death, Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Doesn’t He Live Inside All of Us or Some Shit?

Thin hipster: Man, 2pac is so fucking awesome.
Thinner hipster: Yeah, I guess. Dead role models don’t do much for youth.
Thin hipster: What about Jesus, man?
Thinner hipster: Forgot about him. Whoops.

–D Train

Posted on June 30, 2008
About Celebrities, Compliments, Death, Default, Friends, Hipsters, Jesus, Music, On the Subway

It’s a Possibility That Increases By the Second, Ma’am

Souvenir photographer: Please step down, ma’am. We are taking photos of everyone before we board.
Passenger: Is this in case I die?

–Pier 83

Posted on June 27, 2008
Accidents, Death, Default, Fears, Offers and requests, Pictures, Questions, Strangers, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Sweet Tooth

Hobo, to commuters: I’m hungry, homeless, and unemployed. I’m selling these candies for $0.25 so I can buy a meal. You’re all going to die, and you can’t take it with you, so give it to me!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Wondering why he couldn’t just eat the candy…?

Girl: So she was like: "Why can’t we have a candy corn background?" and I was like "Because you’re an idiot!"

–Starbucks, 34th St

Overweight yet stylish gay man: She had a hunger deep inside her that only a Snickers could quench.

–M101 Bus

Overheard by: Holla Back Girl

Mother to young son: You can get something, but I don’t want you to pick out no fucking twenty dollar candy. You ain’t been that good.

–Hershey World, Times Square

Overheard by: esgeness

Professor to student: I found out what they put in their brownies, I plan to use it against them!

–101st & Broadway

Group of high school girls to Mister Softee ice cream truck driver: Hey ice cream man! Ice cream man! Give us some ice cream! We’ll suck you off!

–Beverley & Ocean Parkway

Overheard by: A Radiant Sulk Ninja

Posted on June 4, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Death, Fat People, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Panhandling, Parents, Queer guys, Starbucks, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, Teens, Times Square, Weirdness

Well We Do Have to Determine There Was No Foul Play

PetCo employee: If your goldfish dies within the first fifteen days, you can return it for a full refund.
Customer: Do I bring back the corpse?

–Union Square PetCo

Overheard by: Jenny

Posted on May 30, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Business and Commerce, Customers, Death, Default, Money & Class, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness

Youth Is Wasted On The Wednesday One-Liner

Teen dude: You just can’t be tall and survive on a mountain!

–Halloween Adventure, 11th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Teenage boy: Girls are so lucky… They can feel themselves up whenever they want.

–LIRR

High school girl: I said to her: "What they call you?" … And she said, "TND". And I said, "’TND’?, What’s ‘TND’"? And she said "Top Notch Diva". [Howls with laughter.] She said "Top notch". Nobody say "Top notch"… That was like, last summer… Top notch… [laughs and snickers] and then she say: "What they call you?" and I said "BB"… "Betta bills". [Howls with laughter.]

–#1 Train

Teen boy, with a sigh: Sometimes the world just isn’t as shiny as you want it to be.

–42nd St

Teenager to Mexican friend: Don’t make me call immigration on you.

–Q train, to 57th st

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen: I like the beginning part of the Dido song "Thank you", you know, the depressing part, because I can relate to it. Well, aside from the parts about missing the bus because I have a car and paying bills because my parents do that for me.

–Union Square

Overheard by: UCB

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Height, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Store, Teens, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

Because It’s a Dirty Job But Somebody’s Gotta Do It?

Guido: If Mike Rowe died and you were there… Like if he died from natural causes and just went to sleep and died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Hmm, I mean, I don’t know, I’d have to like take a peek.
Guido: You mean you’d look at it?
Bitch: Yeah, maybe touch it.
Guido: But would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Roberto! It wouldn’t be hard!
Guido: But what if he got hard and then died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Maybe, but like why do I need to do that when I can just… You know… Ohh nevermind.
Guido: Oohh because you’ll be doing all the work anyway? You could just buy a blow up doll.
Bitch: Exactly, so why do I need to hump Mike Rowe’s dead body?

–6 Train

Overheard by: wet willy

Posted on May 13, 2008
About Celebrities, Biotechs, Death, Default, Erections, Guidos, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Weirdness

Death