UES wife: So, what do you do?
20-something guy: I teach high school math.
UES husband: Oh, where at?
UES wife: Stuyvesant?
20-something guy: Um, no. It’s called ‘City-As-School.’
UES wife: Ohhh, is that one of those ‘special’ high schools?
20-something guy: I guess. Well, I mean, they’re all special.
–ICE, 6th & 23rd
Overheard by: office peon
Chick #1: What do you think of Mao Zedong?
Chick #2: I don’t know… He’s from China…
–Jennifer Convertibles, 20th & Broadway
Boy: I still have no idea what you’re trying to get me to do.
Girl: Well, what do I do to you a lot?
Boy: Suck my dick?
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: Oh… You want me to suck your dick?
–Hot and Crusty, 87th & Broadway
Overheard by: Amanda Fox
Middle-aged white lady: Excuse me, where is Shanghai?
Asian girl: You in the wrong country.
Middle-aged white lady: No! I mean Shanghai Restaurant.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: confused
Guy #1: You know, 82 percent of the world is not cut.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’m not circumcised.
Guy #3: Dude! That’s gross!
Guy #2: No — how so? It’s cool.
Guy #3: Yo, let’s call up some bitch and ask her what’s hotter: a dick with the skin or without it.
Guy #4: You know, the David is not circumcised.
Guy #2: See?! Cut penises are so bare.
Guy #5: How would you know?!
Guy #4: Yeah, but the David’s Jewish… It’s wrong! And how does an uncircumcised penis help you?
Guy #2: It protects dirt from coming in.
–Columbia University
Crazy lady to cashier: Hi, how’s it going?! How are you, officer? [Extends hand] I’m Officer Anderson, from the 103rd [turns and walks out].
Cashier: I hate her…
–Miraaj Cafe, Flushing
Overheard by: just wants a gyro
Man #1: We’re getting our floors redone — walnut hardwood.
Man #2: Sounds like a party.
Man #1: Actually, there will probably be a bunch of Mexicans doing it, so more of a fiesta.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jakob Wells
Girl to male coworker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light?
–Conde Nast, 57th & 8th
Overheard by: Kenzi
Little boy to costumed Geoffrey: You want some fried chicken? Here, have some KFC.
–Times Square, Toys “R” Us
Overheard by: i’m just here for the lego ninjas
Little girl pointing to ad featuring peanut butter and banana on bread: What is that?
Mother, looking at ad for a moment: It’s sushi.
Little girl: What’s sushi?
Mother: It’s Chinese food… You wouldn’t like it.
–B train
