Wednesday One-Liners Have Redeye

Thug: This is a fuckin’ Kodak moment, man [snaps picture of fellow thug with camera phone].

–Bleecker & McDougal

Overheard by: acep

Drunk ferry operator holding a camera: I am the shutterbug. S-H-utterbug.

–2 Toms Restaurant, Park Slope

Suit on cell: Hey, sweetie, I found your Army helmet in my car. Did you find my shirt? … Because you poured beer in my ear. Why? No idea — I was going to ask you. I can’t wait to see the moustache pictures.

–Wall St

Overheard by: Wants to see the pics

Chick on cell: I thought I told you to never call me again, and here I look down at my phone and guess who it is?! … After those pictures you sent me?!

–Bleecker & Hudson

Overheard by: Me, Myself, Personally

20-year-old thug to friend: Yeah, she’s the prettiest. When she’s sucking on my dick and looks up, you just wanna take a picture.

–Queens-bound E platform, 14th St station

Overheard by: Nikki W

Gold-digging wife to gal pals: I am totally not going to Vegas for Jenny’s bachelorette party. Can you imagine the photos that could potentially be used in a future divorce proceeding?

–Del Posto Restaurant

Posted on January 10, 2007
Beauty, Drunks, Insults, Ladies Who Lunch, On Cell, Suits, Thugs

Didn’t Scientists Decide He Was Too Small to Be Considered a Philosopher?

Drunk chick: Let me tell you a quote from Pluto.
Drunk dude: From Pluto?
Drunk chick: Yes.
Drunk dude: Mickey Mouse’s dog?
Drunk chick: The Greek philosopher!
Drunk dude: That’s Plato!

–Bar, 3rd Ave & 63rd St

Overheard by: All2Often

Posted on December 30, 2006
Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Drunks, Philosophy, Upper East Side

Well, I Was Just Saying, ‘I Wish’!

Drunk girl #1: I wish Colette* would speak French to us.
Drunk girl #2: That would be, like, so awesome!
Drunk girl #3: Colette doesn’t speak French! Doesn’t she speak, like, Puerto Rican?

–Fordham University Ram Van

Overheard by: Ali McE

Posted on December 28, 2006
Drunks, Girls, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style

And, as Drunken Fan #2…

Drunk chick: C’mon, it’s only two a.m. It’s too early to go home.
Drunk dude: I got an audition tomorrow for The Dirt. Y’know, that movie about Motley Crue.
Drunk chick: If you go in drunk, they will think you are so rock and roll.
Drunk dude: Okay, what’s still open?

–E 7th & Ave B

Posted on December 23, 2006
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Lower East Side

Enthusiasm: Curbed

Drunk #1: Yo, did you see who was just peeing next to me? Larry David! I think Larry David just sprinkled pee on my shoes!
Drunk #2: So now you’re not gonna clean your shoes ’cause they got celebrity piss on them? Why don’t you sell them on eBay?
Drunk #3: That wasn’t Larry David.
Drunk #1: Yo, then I should kick that guy’s ass for peeing on my shoes!

–Restroom, Cheap Trick concert, Beacon Theatre

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on December 17, 2006
About Celebrities, Drunks, Pee

Sorry Babe, Ew Means Ew

Drunk girl #1: Seriously, I hate guys. From tonight, on, I’m going to be a lesbian. Kara, you can’t say no to anyone — want to sleep with me?
Drunk girl #2: Ew!
Drunk girl #1: That’s a ‘Maybe’!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on December 14, 2006
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Hook Ups, Times Square

Passion of the Wednesday One-Liners

Man: ‘Cause I’m like, ‘Seven a.m. is too fuckin’ early for Jesus — too fuckin’ early.’

–Union Square station

Overheard by: DM Cook

Caribbean woman pacing back and forth on crowded subway: Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen, Jesus is coming! Jesus is on the number two train tonight! Repent! Repent! Jesus is coming and he’s on the number two train tonight. Repent for your sins! Jesus died for you — for men, women, lesbians, gays…

–Uptown 2 train from 72nd St

Overheard by: pimnana

Drunk student: So, she said that Jesus loves you and died for your sins and made the Statue of Liberty disappear, or something.

–Uptown 2 train from 66th St

Overheard by: Avatarded

Homeless man on subway speaker: I am the lord, Jesus Christ. He is everywhere, including on this train… Give Jesus money and food or else hell will come down. [As police approach] Fuck off the lord, nigga.

–1 train, 168th St

Girl to friend: You know what? You need Jesus. You need Jesus!

–John Jay College

Overheard by: Scott

Woman successfully holding many paper towel rolls in hands and an open umbrella between her chin and shoulder: I am Jesus now.

–109 & Broadway

Overheard by: trying to stay dry

Posted on December 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Drunks, Homeless, Jesus, On the Subway, School, Statue of Liberty, Subway Stations, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Bathtub Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: Did I get tanked yesterday? Of course I got tanked yesterday! Yesterday was my getting-tanked day!

–79th, between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Helena the Great

Little boy buying a soda: Can I drink mine inside a paper bag like Daddy does?

–Church & Chambers

Drunk: I’ll be so hungover for my AA meeting tomorrow!

–Time Square

Customer: Yeah, I haven’t seen a lot of alcoholics around lately. I wonder why?

–Joe Jr’s, 6th Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: Joe (but not Jr.)

Hobo: Anyone have a nickel or dime that I could put toward the purchase of alcohol?

–St. Marks & Ave A

Overheard by: rennysgirl

Posted on December 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks

Tales from Wednesday One-Liners’ Crypt

Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?

–C train

Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.

–Live Bait, 23rd St

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.

–55th & 6th

Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland

Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!

–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis

Overheard by: Barry Negrin

Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!

–L train

Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton

Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.

–58th & Broadway

Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.

–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adam Nathan