Girl: Can I bring mac and cheese to the porn show or is that tacky?
Guy: It’s not tacky; it’s necessary.
–Bed-Stuy
Girl: Can I bring mac and cheese to the porn show or is that tacky?
Guy: It’s not tacky; it’s necessary.
–Bed-Stuy
Man: Do you think anyone will notice us coming into work together?
Woman: I don’t know, but I’m still going to get an apple.
Man: Yeah, I’m going to get my third cup of coffee.
–42nd Street
Cashier #1: I’m sorry, what kind of drink do you want?
Cashier #2: He said fruit punch. There’s a time to work and a time to think!
–Popeye’s, 34th St.
Guy: …and they were like, it’s gonna cost sixty, but you get the this, and the that, and for sixty five, you can also get the other thing. I was like, “I’ll just have the chicken.”
–Port Authority
Boss of People: I don’t have to get to work before my guys anymore. Because there are no guys! They’re all laid off.
–Port Authority
Suit: Bran muffin.
Cashier: A bran muffin and what?
Suit: Just a bran muffin.
Cashier: Oh, I thought you said “coconut something”.
Suit: No, I don’t have coconut in the morning.
–Au Bon Pain, 44th & Madison
Man: …and three plain cheeseburgers.
Cashier: Plain? Does that mean you want those with cheese, or not?
–McDonald’s, St. Mark’s Place
Woman: My dad controls all the money in the house, to the point where if my mom wants to go shopping she has to talk to him. She’d said, ‘You really need to go to the grocery. Your daughter only had a protein shake to eat today.’ He said, ‘Well, she needs to lose weight anyway.’ It’s crazy. That’s the kind of shit we had to deal with growing up.
–29th & Park
Man: …I’m saying, you’ve passed out, and then the cat eats you. So just don’t pass out.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Dan Dickinson
Drunk woman: …so I had the 6 pounds of meat for the meatloaf and I’m stirring. It was for like 15 people–I had the whole family over–and I turn away for one minute. I came back to find my daughter stirring it, but she had poured in Meow Mix cat food. So me and my mother start picking the cat food out (it was the seafood flavored one) but there was too much in it. So I just put it in the oven, and while everyone was eating it I kept singing the Meow Mix song under my breath. My sister-in-law and mother-in-law asked for the recipe afterwards.
–LIRR to Penn Station
Overheard by: Jax
Urban chick: They eat some fucked up shit. I could be starving but if I’m at her house I won’t eat. I’ll make me a sammich. Bean curd soup! I never heard of no shit like that. Bean curd soup.
–D train
Diner: Your brown sauce; it’s some sort of, um…brown sauce?
Waiter: Yes.
Dining Man: OK, that sounds good.
–Pongsri, Chinatown
Overheard by: Joseph Schoech
