Girl to man who held door for her: Thank you.
Man: I love you.
Girl to friend: Nobody in New York has any respect anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St
Overheard by: Elise C-K
Girl to man who held door for her: Thank you.
Man: I love you.
Girl to friend: Nobody in New York has any respect anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St
Overheard by: Elise C-K
Blonde chick: Oh my god, so there’s this playwright who died, and they’re like, putting on a re-… re-… Well, like, whatever it’s called, they’re putting it on. They’re reading some lines. But anyway, like, her brother who, like, my dad like, used to work with — well, he’s dead, too. And I’m like, ‘Why are you hanging out with your girlfriend’s daughter when I’m your real daughter?’
Friend: Oh my god, you should totally bitch him out.
Blonde chick: Oh, I will.
–Elevator, NYU residence hall
Girl #1: So, how was it at his house?
Girl #2: It was fine until he kept…
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Well, he kept begging me to try it, and I was like, ‘Listen, I’ll do any other kinky thing you want, but I think that is just gross!’ And then he went and got the garden hose anyway…
–Victoria’s Secret, Herald Square
Dude: There’s something not quite right about your pumpkin pie… It’s just slightly off… It’s like a dildo!
Chick with bite of pie in her mouth: Did you just compare my pie to a plastic dick?
–115th & Riverside
Overheard by: amalthya
Water connoisseur: So, how did things go last night with… Ugh… What’s her name? Kate?
Friend: Seriously, dude, it was going so well, but then she did something really f-ing nasty.
Water connoisseur: Whaaa?
Friend: Dude, she put an unfiltered ice cube in my Brita water. She totally tainted the water. Dude, that’s just gross.
Water connoisseur: How do you know she didn’t filter the cubes?
Friend: Dude, you just can’t risk something like that…
–N train
Overheard by: Mikeyy
Dude #1 introducing dude #2 to chick: … Well, she didn’t know, because I’m her only friend.
Chick: Oh my god, can you stop telling people that? [To dude #2] It’s true, though.
–Columbia campus
Girl #1: … And then he finger-fucked Isaac Asimov.
Girl #2: [Falls down laughing.]Guy: Yes, exactly.
–Columbia University
Windbreaker guy: So, we go to dinner, and she tells me I’m boring, that we never do anything different.
Tweed blazer guy: So, what are you going to do?
Windbreaker guy: Next time we have sex I’m going to pull out and ejaculate on her feet.
–79th & Broadway
Guy: I was bored the other day, so I sang the alphabet song while counting on my fingers to make sure there really are 26 letters… There are.
Girl: Dude, you know what you get for that? [Hugs guy.]
–E train
Overheard by: Peter G
Man: Oh my gosh, that’s so embarrassing. Am I wearing white underwear?
Woman: I didn’t know how to tell you.
Man: What, we can talk about cock sucking, but you can’t tell me I have a rip in my pants?
–Outside Prune restaurant, Lower East Side
