Drunk chick #1: I have the best blind date story ever.
Drunk chick #2: Oh yeah?
Drunk chick #1: My sister’s friend flew from Australia to LA for a blind date, and she ended up flying to Aruba with the guy and marrying him like a week later.
Drunk chick #2: Wow. That’s awesome!
Drunk chick #1: But I think she was just, like, 35 and desperate to get married.
–Bleecker & Sullivan
Overheard by: djlindee
Guy: Yo, are we takin’ the elevator upstairs, or what?
Girl: No, lazy-ass. We takin’ the stairs.
Guy: Yo, I done told you that I just ate and I don’t wanna work it off!
–14th Street A/C/E station
Overheard by: Grace
Chick #1: So I told him I love him…
Chick #2: Aw. that’s so cute.
Chick #1: Yeah. And it was, like, true…I think.
–Lafayette Street Residence
Overheard by: bottom
Woman: Once in a store, a guy left his bag on the floor and I snatched his wallet right out of it.
Man: Boy, you sure are lucky.
Woman: I know, I took the money and bought me a TV.
–A train
Guy #1: Remember that time last week when I like fucking killed Frank?
Guy #2: Huh?
Guy #1: When I fucking killed Frank?
Guy #2: Who?
Guy #1: Frank.
Guy #2: Oh, ha, ha! Priceless.
–Columbia University
Girl #1: So yeah, it was really cold out there, and he had to keep
building fires cause they had no heat.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, and also they had to keep this tea kettle on top of the
fireplace so it wouldn’t get dry.
Girl #2: What? Who lives like that?
Girl #1: What? They live in the country.
Girl #2: Yeah, but they had to like, chop wood. Who lives like that? I have heat.
Girl #1: Yeah, that’s ’cause you live on the Upper East Side.
–Columbia University
Girl #1: Don’t laugh while I tell you this! Channel Chris Parnell!
Girl #2: Ha, ha, ha!…I’m sorry, I have to pull a Jimmy Fallon.
–Banc Cafe, 30th & 3rd
Guy #1: I had sushi last week.
Guy #2: Isn’t that like raw fish?
Guy #1: Man, it’s so good you don’t even taste the raw fish.
Guy #2: Then you should just take the raw fish out.
–Hunter College East-West bridge
Girl: I had four vibrators.
Guy: You had four vibrators?
Girl: Yeah, and I was using the blue one to massage his neck.
–64th & 3rd
Overheard by: peter
Chick #1: Why do those stone people on the side of the courthouse look so happy? Family court isn’t happy.
Chick #2: Yeah, if that were a real family, one would be holding a shovel, and the other one holding a fork.
–Downtown Brooklyn
