Crackhead: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not here to bug ya’ll, but I am here to ask you for some money. If you ain’t got money, I’ll take food.
Girl: You can have my lunch.
Crackhead: What you got there?
Girl: Steak, rice, and beans…
Crackhead: No, baby, I’m worried about my cholesterol!
–4 train at 149th
Girl #1: Did you know they built the Empire State Building in less than a year?
Girl #2 looking towards WTC site: So why is that still a fucking hole in the ground?
–Cortland St
Overheard by: wondering same
Chick #1 overlooking the Women’s Wheelchair finals: Are they over there playing tennis in wheelchairs?
Chick #2: Yeah, I think they are.
Chick #1: Oh, please, you know they’re pushing those chairs with their feet.
–US Open, Queens
Overheard by: Working on my backhand
Drunk girl #1: I wish Colette* would speak French to us.
Drunk girl #2: That would be, like, so awesome!
Drunk girl #3: Colette doesn’t speak French! Doesn’t she speak, like, Puerto Rican?
–Fordham University Ram Van
Overheard by: Ali McE
Brunette: But… I don’t know what to say to him. What do you say to that?
Redhead: Just tell him you wanna use him like a pogo stick.
–Line at Helen Hayes Theater
Girl, squealing: You may kiss me, I consent!
Guy: I’d rather have a dwarf chew off my balls. I hate you.
–Museum of Sex
Bimbette #1: Have you ever noticed that lemon-lime soda tastes like urine after a few minutes of not drinking it?
Bimbette #2: Nope.
Bimbette #1: Well, it does. That’s why you have to keep drinking it — so it doesn’t taste bad. Then you get addicted to it and you buy more. It’s a clever marketing scheme.
Bimbette #2: Has the government been probing your brain lately?
–Grand Central
Girl: He was wearing a t-shirt that said ‘My Jewish Mother Gave Me Two Options: Law school or Medical school.’
Guy: I like that. I should make a shirt for my friend that says ‘My Irish Catholic Mother Gave Me Two Options: Marry the Asshole Who Knocked Me Up and Live a Life of Alcoholic Domestic Violence or Join the Sisters of Saint Ignatius.’ ‘Cause clearly she chose neither.
Girl: What do you mean?
Guy: She said, ‘To hell with this religious bullshit,’ had an abortion, got her MBA, and is now a Junior VP at a Midtown PR firm.
Girl: Are you trying to say that religion is bullshit?
Guy, patting girl on head: No, sweetie. You go find yourself that guy wearing the Jewish mother t-shirt and you’ll be fine.
–R train
20-something girl: I once broke up with a guy because he was too small.
Queer: Yikes.
20-something girl: It wouldn’t have been a problem if he could have, you know, made up for it in other ways.
Queer: He wasn’t creative?
20-something girl: He was in advertising.
–26th St, between 7th & 8th
