Dude #1, burping loudly: I know you’re gassy if you have to fart a lot, but what are you if you have to burp a lot?
Dude #2: Same thing, in the opposite direction.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wiley Willis
Dude #1, burping loudly: I know you’re gassy if you have to fart a lot, but what are you if you have to burp a lot?
Dude #2: Same thing, in the opposite direction.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wiley Willis
Guy to friend: Yo! I’m mad hungry! I want some anus! [Passengers stare.] … Awww, shit! I meant that shit from McDonald’s — angus! Angus!
–4 train
Enthusiastic queer: This train smells like McDonald’s! Someone’s being a chubby chicken!
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: Onion
Hobo: Just so you know, they don’t got liquor stores in heaven. They don’t got no McDonald’s, neither.
–1 train
Overheard by: Galen
Girl on cell: He’s obsessed with America’s Next Top Model… And he watches What Not to Wear… What? No… Mom, he said that McDonald’s fries are his weakness, but they go straight to his thighs! How much gayer do you need him to be?!
–Pratt Institute
Mom to crying kid in stroller: Well, if you don’t want McDonald’s, I don’t know what I can get you.
–207th & Broadway
Man to scantily clad girl passerby: Yo, can I get your number? Can I text message you? Can I e-mail you? Somethin’? [As she walks away] Can I be your socks?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Nicole
70-year-old man to 20-something jogger: Good morning. Would you like to wrestle in the grass over there?
–Riverside Park
Drunken Don Juan: Hey… Miss… Miss… Ah… Is your husband… Is your husband married?
–Prospect Pl & Classon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sweet tea
Drunk guy to girl: You have nice toes. I want to put them in my mouth.
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Creepy guy to hot blonde, after trying to pick her up: I’m not trying to hit on you. I just want to be your friend on Facebook.
–78th & Columbus
Black tween girl: So, Jared was like, ‘What? You want a pizza party?’ and I said, ‘No, I want a party that I can pop, lock, and drop in.’ And then she goes, ‘Girl, I can pop and lock, but if I drop, I’ll drop.
–59th & Lex N/R/W stop
Overheard by: koala
Drunk guy on cell: What? Yeah, it’s always a great party… Hmmm… Let me think of who I have to sleep with to get you an invite…
–34th & 3rd
20-ish chick: I was telling the girls about how his cock unfurls like one of those party blowers, and then they happened to have those blowers at the New Year’s Eve party we went to, so I tormented them with one all night.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Late-30s guy: I’m the kind of guy who goes to parties and brags about my perky corneas.
–House party, S 8th St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Guy on cell: Well, the funeral was Tuesday… Yeah, the party was that night.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: Suzz
Barbie type to tourist pals: It sucks — you guys are like two weeks late to party with Heath Ledger.
–2nd Ave, between E 6th & E 7th St
Overheard by: Ben
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not gonna lie to you — I’m broke, homeless, and I really wanna see Big Momma’s House 2. Please spare some change.
–F train
Overheard by: benny
20-ish chick: Why is Jason Bateman in a movie called Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium? This ruins all of my fantasies.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Diner: Yo, ‘hyena’ — I know how that’s spelled. H-Y-H-E-E-N-A. High-heena! I know that shit. I saw The Lion King.
–IHOP, Staten Island
Overheard by: explosivo
Ghetto white girl: She never even saw Breakfast at Tiffany’s until I lent it to her… Tryin’ to act like that’s her shit…
–B train
Young Socrates: Yo, son, Saw II is the ill philosophic reference.
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: fival went east
Flight attendant: Attention, passengers, please turn your attention to channel 30. Caddyshack is on!
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Erica: I quickly went to channel thirty
Woman: Whoopsie!
Male friend #1, drunk: Whoooopsie!
Male friend #2: So, this train goes to Atlantic Avenue, right?
Woman: Right.
Male friend #2, pulling out mini map: So, we’re here… and Atlantic Avenue is…
Woman, lowering voice: You’re standing too close to that girl.
Male friend #1, drunk: What? No I’m not.
Woman: Yes, you are. You’re right in her face.
Drunk man: Oh, she doesn’t care. She’s Korean.
–Q train
Overheard by: the 6′ tall white girl he was standing WAY too close to
Girl: Please!
Guy: No!
Girl: Come on!
Guy: No!
Girl: Pleeease, just once!
Guy: I’m not going to let you mace me!
Girl: Come on… I’ll let you punch me in the ovaries.
Guy: … Just one, or both?
–Sullivan & Prince
Rider #1: I see so many girls I want to have sex with when I ride.
Rider #2: That’s because everyone out here is athletic.
Rider #1: Yeah!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jeremy Willinger
Guy with curly black hair: I’m not Jewish!
Friend: Sure you are — you have Bob Dylan hair.
–Stuyvesant High
Overheard by: It Takes A Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Stereotype
Hobo: Yo, man, let me get a bite of that!
Guy eating cheesesteak: Naw, man!
Hobo: Dayummmn… Well, you ain’t gotta eat it that fast!
–Lafayette & Broadway
