Guy #1: My brother-in-law doesn’t drink. I’ve known him for 25 years, and he’s never drunk anything stronger than a glass of water.
Guy #2: What is he, a terrorist?
Guy #1: He’s a structural engineer from Dumont, New Jersey.
–52nd St, between 9th & 10th
Overheard by: don’t drink, either
Dude #1: That show Intervention is genius. Drug addicts make great TV.
Dude #2: Oh, I know, but I prefer the enablers.
–1 train
Overheard by: confused early twenty something
Texting guy: Hey, I tried to type ‘nipple pasties,’ and the phone knew the word ‘pasties’!
Friend: … Why are you texting ‘nipple pasties’?
–Wyckoff & Stanhope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: smh
Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power.
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power for quite some time now.
Dude #2: What are you, a supervillain? Who’s been underestimating your power? The justice league?
Dude #1: No, the electric company. They say I owe them eight hundred dollars.
Dude #2: Dude, you and I were having two totally different conversations.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: 13Atlantic
Black guy: Aw, man, you’re missing out if you don’t eat that shit.
Indian guy: I used to eat a lot of shellfish in my heyday. Now I only eat fish… No more shrimp, crabs or lobster.
Black guy: I don’t know what’s up with lobster. That shit tastes like cardboard.
–Elevator, 132nd St
Overheard by: SlumpBuster
Guy #1: How bad are the bathrooms?
Guy #2: Picture beef jerky and iced tea.
–Madison Square Garden
Guy #1: Dude, you won’t believe this — I walked by the printer at work today, and sitting there was a one-page list of every employee’s salary.
Guy #2: Really? Did you see how much Chuck makes?
Guy #1: No! I didn’t look — you can’t look! It’s like looking into the sun, or like looking at your mom naked: you want to do it, but you know it’s wrong.
Guy #2, disgusted: … You didn’t just say that, right?
–Union Square
Guy #1: And where did you go to high school?
Guy #2: [Names high school.]Guy #1: Wait, where are you from, again?
Guy #2: I’m from just outside of Boston.
Guy #1: So, you’re a Red Sox fan?
Guy #2: Yup.
Guy #1: Asshole.
–6 train
Overheard by: Fellow asshole
Guy #1: So, what year did you graduate from school?
Guy #2: Harvard.
–Snooty party, Bronx
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy #1: You’re killing me vicariously.
Guy #2: Did you just say ‘bi-curiously’?
Guy #1: Wow.
–14th & Broadway
