Wednesday One-Liners Fought the Law and the Law Won

Annoyed white girl: That cop with the flashlight was, like, shining it on my ass! So I was like, ‘Stop! I know my congressional rights, bitch!’

–Bus from Live Earth to Port Authority

Overheard by: Kevin

20-ish guy on cell: Yeah… Yeah, I talked to the cops, too! I told them I would kick her fucking jaw in if I didn’t get my money! Ma… Yeah, Ma, you know I don’t care!

–Thompson St, between W 3rd & Bleecker

Overheard by: The Simian Space Man

Conductor over intercom: Either we can have a peaceful ride uptown, or the police can ride with us. You decide [laughs maniacally].

–2 train

Overheard by: Ladle

[Hippie on bicycle loses concentration and crashes into lamppost.]

Cop in nearby squad car, over loudspeaker: Hahaha! Should’ve been more careful, or what?!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Susan Laura

Chick: So, I’m up by Bryant Park, and there are all these cop cars lined up, and then one of them decides, ‘Okay, time to go!’ and he puts his siren on and pulls out, and all the rest of them following, all their sirens going whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop! And then I hear something that sounds like some guy going ‘whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop’ — like, he’s making siren noises — and I turn around, and there’s this cop… I guess the siren on his cop car wasn’t working or something, so he’s on the loudspeaker mic yelling, ‘Whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop!’ as they all zoom off down 42nd Street. It was crazy!

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on January 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus, On the Subway, The Village, Threats, White People, Words

And You’re the One with the PhD

Girl #1: If I were pregnant, when would I start throwing up? I mean, like, where can I get an abortion? Will they tell my parents?
Girl #2: I don’t know. Why does everyone always ask me?
Boy: ‘Cause you’re a whore.

–6th & 2nd

Overheard by: kristin

Posted on January 29, 2008
Abortion, Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Insults, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Union Square and East Village

That’s the Beginning?

Guy: Excuse me, I wanted to know if any black women would go out with me. If I were the last man on Earth, would you go out with me? [Black lady does not respond.] What if there were 20 minutes until the end of the world? [Still no response, so guy addresses another lady.] What about you? Would you go out with me?
Woman: What’s the point?
Guy: Alright, let’s start from the beginning… [Holding up gallon of apple juice] I have some apple juice — will you split it with me?

–Union Square station

Posted on January 29, 2008
Black People, Dating, Guys, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Train Station, Women

Promises, Promises…

Passenger #1: Antenna-Man is in the next car, and he’s coming this way. That dude is crazy!
Passenger #2: Alright! I gave that guy money last time I saw him ’cause he said he was going back to Mars and he’s taking George Bush with him!

–Manhattan-bound L train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on January 29, 2008
Crazy, Guys, On the Subway, President

Compassion: A NYC Short Story

Guy: Did you hear about that guy that fell from a 47th floor and survived?
Girl: No.
Guy: It’s crazy! The paramedics found him conscious, too.
Girl: Wow. Can you help me upload my Jingle Ball photos to my Kodak account?

–1500 Broadway

Posted on January 28, 2008
Accidents, Bimbettes, Girls, Guys, Internet, Offers and requests, Times Square

Just Answer the Question. And Stop Slouching.

Four-year-old boy to stranger: Do you have a little boy?
30-ish single man: No, not yet.
Four-year-old boy: Why not?
30-ish single man: Because I don’t have a wife yet.
Four-year-old boy: Why not?
30-ish single man: You sound like my mother.

–38th & 2nd

Overheard by: Todd J.

Posted on January 28, 2008
Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Should've Used a Condom

Weren’t You in Michigan in 2001?

Chick: I dunno, ever since 9/11, my period has been all off.
Guy: Really? You think the trade towers had something to do with it?
Chick: Yeah, I think so… Maybe because of all the dust in the air from the building or something.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Shalvi

Posted on January 28, 2008
Bimbettes, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Menstruation, Penn Station, Stupidity, Terrorism

But Is That “Fair Use”?

Guy with electric bass: This one’s real hard. Real hard. I’m gonna give whoever gets this one three dollars! Three dollars! [Sings] I can see clearly now the rain is gone…
Mother of three: Jimmy Cliff! Jimmy Cliff!
Guy with electric bass: Did you say ‘Jimmy Cliff’?! [Mumbling upon seeing her litter] Man, I wish she didn’t have so many babies… [Shouting to her again] You — you thought I said ‘rain.’ I said ‘train‘ — I can see clearly now the train is gone… I wrote that, not Jimmy.

–2 train

Overheard by: jil

Posted on January 26, 2008
Guys, Music, On the Subway

Guys