Health and Hygiene

Is There Anything She Doesn’t Know?

Eva Amurri to hipster companion: My father was telling me the dangers of aspartame — you know the stuff in Diet Coke? It’s like a sugar. It was once registered as a chemical weapon.
Hipster companion: Yeah?
Eva Amurri: If there is any way to become a superhero, it has to be by drinking Diet Coke.
[later] Eva Amurri to hipster companion: I can’t remember how it ends… If he dies in a war or if Gatsby gets in a car crash, but he loves Daisy.
[later still] Eva Amurri: Pasties are Band-Aids that only cover your nipples.

–Acela train leaving Penn Station

Overheard by: could you maybe namedrop your mom less, Miss Top-Volume-At-All-Times?

You’re Saying It’s Not a Representative Sample?

Girl: Well, Christy works with three people who are getting sex changes.
Guy: Yeah, but she works at a vegan restaurant.

–Ave A & St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: jenny wallace

It Was Just Wishful Thinking

ER admitting doctor with infinite patience: It’s just sore gums, probably from flossing. No need to worry.
Baroness Munchaussen: But it could get infected, right? And I could die, right?
Doctor: Has anyone ever died from this in the history of mankind? Maybe. But you could also walk out of the hospital and be hit by a bus. You have a better chance of that happening.
Baroness: So you’re saying I could die from this, and I shouldn’t leave the hospital?

–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital Emergency Room

Have We No Standards Anymore?

Hot chick: So, I just wanted to let you know I’m just coming out of a relationship.
Buff dude: Oh. Well, then I should tell you that I used to be a stripper in Chicago.
Hot chick: Hmm…I have herpes.
Buff dude: That’s ok, I have two cats.

–Scruffy Duffy’s, 8th Ave between 46th & 47th

Early Intervention

Girl #1: I wish I was anorexic.
Girl #2: I’m going to punch you so that your head ricochets against that door.

–F train

Overheard by: Gena Radcliffe

Never Forgets a Face or a Finger

Old man: Oh, yes. Now I remember him.
Medical assistant: Well I’d hope you’d remember him after he stuck his finger in your butt!

–outside urology clinic, 9th & University

Overheard by: Aerialist

Wednesday One-liners May Need a Catheter

Black guy to his dad: You have to help me. My cock is turning into one of those fucking curly fries.

–71st & Continental

Woman: So I told him, if that’s the urethra you got the wrong hole.

–115th & Broadway

That Bipedal Bitch!

Girl #1: I just want to break her spine so that she can’t walk anymore.
Girl #2: Break her spine…?
Girl #1: Because she can walk around. And that’s what’s pissing me off.

–4 train

Overheard by: Michael O’Connor

She Can’t Even Go Near a Mel Gibson Movie

Girl #1: I can’t believe you’re about to get your culo waxed.
Girl #2: I can’t believe you didn’t get your culo waxed!
Girl #1: You know I have an asshole phobia, for Christ’s sake!

–50th St & 6th Ave

Excellent Diagnosis!

Friend of patient: Has this woman been admitted yet? She’s been here since 6 o’clock.
Triage nurse: She’s not going to hear her name called sitting over here. She needs to be in the waiting room. They’ll call for her when they can take her.
Friend: She’s deaf.

Short pause.

Nurse: Well either way, she’s not going to hear it.

–New York Methodist Hospital, Park Slope

Overheard by: connor

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist