20-something to friend: … And she said, ‘Twenty dollars? She offered me 20 dollars for bills after staying with me for a whole month? I’d wipe my ass with that 20-dollar bill!’
Hobo: One 20-dollar bill ain’t enough for that huge ass!
–23rd & 5th
20-something to friend: … And she said, ‘Twenty dollars? She offered me 20 dollars for bills after staying with me for a whole month? I’d wipe my ass with that 20-dollar bill!’
Hobo: One 20-dollar bill ain’t enough for that huge ass!
–23rd & 5th
Hobo lying on floor: … And, I mean, what about slaves? You people owned my people!
Newly boarded teen: Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I’m selling can–
Hobo lying on floor: –Fuck you! You just want money! You fucking want money, you little shit! You’re a traitor to your race, you fuck!
–Brooklyn-bound A train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Hobo: Got any change?
Man: No. [Hobo walks away.] You want some of this bread?
Hobo: Naw! I don’t eat that shit!
–3rd & Bleecker
Overheard by: julian
Hobo: Excuse me, is this the Six Train?
Young guy: Yes.
Hobo: Thank you [urinates on rail].
–6 train platform, Astor Pl
Hobo: Hey, kids, read a book, stay in school, and don’t do drugs!
Woman: Come on, kids, don’t talk to strange, crazy people. What did I tell you about that?! [To hobo, who looks insulted] It’s nothing personal — I just don’t want them to, like, get kidnapped or something, you know?
Hobo: Oh… Oh, um, yeah, I understand… [When woman’s out of earshot] Bitch.
–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N
Doctor: You really think I look like Rick Springfield?
Hobo: Oh, yeah. Could be his twin.
Doctor, singing: Jesse’s girl… I wanna be… [Hobo joins him singing and pees on the bench.]
–Union Square
Overheard by: tantorigor
Hobo: Are the raindrops only falling on me? Does anyone feel this?
Girl: I think it’s everyone…
Hobo: Now that I got you to talk to me, want to go out tonight? [Girl ignores him.] What?! I had a beautiful girl last night — I can’t get a normal one today?!
–Union Square
Hobo: Ahhh.
Girlfriend: Ewww, he peed on me!
Boyfriend: And you’re wearing sandals!
–Q train
Hipster chick to friend: I’m hungry. What should I get?
Hobo: Barrels!
–Grand Central
Crazy hobo pointing and screaming at a baby on dad’s shoulder: Fucking bitch! You fucking bitch! Get the fuck out of here, you fucking bitch! You fucking slob!
Father to daughter, laughing: Come on, honey, let’s go!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: tj
