Hobo: Excuse me, is this the Six Train?
Young guy: Yes.
Hobo: Thank you [urinates on rail].
–6 train platform, Astor Pl
Hobo: Excuse me, is this the Six Train?
Young guy: Yes.
Hobo: Thank you [urinates on rail].
–6 train platform, Astor Pl
Hobo: Hey, kids, read a book, stay in school, and don’t do drugs!
Woman: Come on, kids, don’t talk to strange, crazy people. What did I tell you about that?! [To hobo, who looks insulted] It’s nothing personal — I just don’t want them to, like, get kidnapped or something, you know?
Hobo: Oh… Oh, um, yeah, I understand… [When woman’s out of earshot] Bitch.
–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N
Doctor: You really think I look like Rick Springfield?
Hobo: Oh, yeah. Could be his twin.
Doctor, singing: Jesse’s girl… I wanna be… [Hobo joins him singing and pees on the bench.]
–Union Square
Overheard by: tantorigor
Hobo: Are the raindrops only falling on me? Does anyone feel this?
Girl: I think it’s everyone…
Hobo: Now that I got you to talk to me, want to go out tonight? [Girl ignores him.] What?! I had a beautiful girl last night — I can’t get a normal one today?!
–Union Square
Hobo: Ahhh.
Girlfriend: Ewww, he peed on me!
Boyfriend: And you’re wearing sandals!
–Q train
Hipster chick to friend: I’m hungry. What should I get?
Hobo: Barrels!
–Grand Central
Crazy hobo pointing and screaming at a baby on dad’s shoulder: Fucking bitch! You fucking bitch! Get the fuck out of here, you fucking bitch! You fucking slob!
Father to daughter, laughing: Come on, honey, let’s go!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: tj
Suit to hobo holding sign reading ‘End apartheid in South Africa now!’: They already ended apartheid in South Africa. They also freed Nelson Mandela.
Hobo: Shit, nigga, I gots to get me some CNN or some shit.
–Midtown
Overheard by: History Buff
Hobo: My, you are dressed sharp.
Suit: Thanks. [Hands him a dollar.]Hobo: You so sharp, I’m afraid to touch you ’cause I’ll get cut! You know, ladies love the sharp-dressed men!
–Manhattan-bound 7 train
Overheard by: Lady Who Loves Him
Drunk, nearly toothless hobo #1, putting arms around unsuspecting teens: Nigga, I would like to tell you a story!
Drunk, nearly toothless hobo #2, surprising teens from other side: Listen to his story, nigga. It’s a wonderful story — listen up.
–St. Mark’s Pl & 2nd Ave
