Holidays

Woman: Oh, look at these.
Man: They’re Easter colors.
Woman: I thought they were Shrek colors.

–Staples, Vesey & Broadway

Overheard by: Susan

Guy: We came up on 6th Avenue so now we’re on 49th!
Girl: Does anybody know where the friggin’ tree is?
Woman: It’s on the fucking left!

–49th & 6th

Overheard by: Emma

Little girl: I hate that tree.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: melanie segal

Woman: The big Christmas tree is in Central Park, right?
Man: Yeah.

–1 train

Overheard by: Hilla

Woman #1: I got my grandmother the hugest card for Mother’s Day. She likes things that are really big.
Man: See, and they always told me that size doesn’t matter.
Woman #1: It really doesn’t matter what it says; she doesn’t understand English, anyway.
Woman #2: Do you think giving her the big card makes her understand it better the same way people think that talking louder to people who can’t speak English make them understand you?

–14th Street elevator

Six drunks are standing around on the corner.

Woman: Now in German!
Drunks: Stille nacht, heilige nacht…

–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jamie Wisneski & Megan

White Muslim Woman: The women who were sitting here were laughing at me because of how I look. I’m a social worker. Some of my clients are OMRDD so I read lips real well. Because I’m Muslim they didn’t like my outfit. They think we don’t care about how we dress. I was actually Krishna before I was Muslim. The Christmas holidays, the spirit is supposed to be giving. My daughter’s Christian still. That’s why I’m laughing. In my house we used to have Kwanzaa, everything. I knew my husband for three years. I taught him English. I was his teacher! I just converted. Reversion, they call it. Then two weeks later we got married. English I taught him and he was teaching me Arabic. We met in a store ’cause they have restrictions about coming up to a woman’s apartment…They don’t think you understand English, but I speak Spanish and Italian. One time this lady said she thought I was disgusting. I told her “You’re disgusting!” in Spanish. I was peeing my pants. I was hysterical.

–D Train

10-year-old girl, looking at jack-o'-lantern: Look at Mr Pumpkinhead!
8-year-old girl: It's rude to call someone “pumpkinhead.”
10-year-old girl: It's not rude, he ain't got no legs!
8-year-old girl, singing to herself: Touch my money, I'll break your face…

–Pathmark, 145th St

Grandmother reading newspaper: Oh, it's grandparents' day tomorrow!
Grandfather: It can't be. That's in February, I think.
Grandmother: It says it right here.
Grandfather: But it has to be in winter, because he has to see his shadow!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Daniel

College girl #1: I want to go trick or treating now…
College girl #2: Yeah, totally.
College girl #1: I don't think anyone would give us candy though… We'd just get raped.

–Party City, 14th St & 5th Ave

Doctor #1: Who are you going on vacation with?
Doctor #2: My wife and my girlfriend.

–168th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Emm

Hipster #1: So they hooked up on the cruise. And he's like, eighteen. But she's meeting him anyway. Even though we told her not to.
Hipster #2: Um, yeah. Why is she even going? Like, fuck and chuck, man.

–Outside Fashion Institute of Technology