Holidays

White Muslim Woman: The women who were sitting here were laughing at me because of how I look. I’m a social worker. Some of my clients are OMRDD so I read lips real well. Because I’m Muslim they didn’t like my outfit. They think we don’t care about how we dress. I was actually Krishna before I was Muslim. The Christmas holidays, the spirit is supposed to be giving. My daughter’s Christian still. That’s why I’m laughing. In my house we used to have Kwanzaa, everything. I knew my husband for three years. I taught him English. I was his teacher! I just converted. Reversion, they call it. Then two weeks later we got married. English I taught him and he was teaching me Arabic. We met in a store ’cause they have restrictions about coming up to a woman’s apartment…They don’t think you understand English, but I speak Spanish and Italian. One time this lady said she thought I was disgusting. I told her “You’re disgusting!” in Spanish. I was peeing my pants. I was hysterical.

–D Train

10-year-old girl, looking at jack-o'-lantern: Look at Mr Pumpkinhead!
8-year-old girl: It's rude to call someone “pumpkinhead.”
10-year-old girl: It's not rude, he ain't got no legs!
8-year-old girl, singing to herself: Touch my money, I'll break your face…

–Pathmark, 145th St

Grandmother reading newspaper: Oh, it's grandparents' day tomorrow!
Grandfather: It can't be. That's in February, I think.
Grandmother: It says it right here.
Grandfather: But it has to be in winter, because he has to see his shadow!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Daniel

College girl #1: I want to go trick or treating now…
College girl #2: Yeah, totally.
College girl #1: I don't think anyone would give us candy though… We'd just get raped.

–Party City, 14th St & 5th Ave

Doctor #1: Who are you going on vacation with?
Doctor #2: My wife and my girlfriend.

–168th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Emm

Hipster #1: So they hooked up on the cruise. And he's like, eighteen. But she's meeting him anyway. Even though we told her not to.
Hipster #2: Um, yeah. Why is she even going? Like, fuck and chuck, man.

–Outside Fashion Institute of Technology

Bartender: Have any plans for the holiday weekend?
Middle aged guy: I plan to drink.
Bartender: Good plan.

–Bar, Grand Central

Frumpy female office worker, hanging up phone: Yes! He just asked me out!
Ordinary female office worker: Are you excited?
Frumpy female office worker: Are you kidding? I feel just like Sadie Hawkins on Sadie Hawkins day!

–Empire St. Bldg office

Overheard by: Tom

Undergrad student #1: The day after Valentine's Day is a holiday, right?
Undergrad student #2: Yeah, it's like Veterans Day or something.
Undergrad student #3: I think it's Martin Luther King's Day.
Undergrad student #1: I thought that was last month.
Undergrad student #3: No, February is Black History Month.

–St. John's University, Queens Campus

Smoking NYU bro #1: Oh my god, dude! (pointing) Is that a new restaurant called Happy Hanukkah?
Smoking NYU bro #2: No, dude! That's a window with holiday decorations.
Smoking NYU bro #1, looking really sad: Oh.

–13th & 3rd

Overheard by: Charlotte