Teen thug #1: You met her in rehab? Son, you was only there three days…!
Teen thug #2: Yo, but check this out — she’s 35!
Teen thug #1: Son, she gonna drop yo’ ass when she finds out how old you are!
Teen thug #2: I already told her.
Teen thug #1, after long pause: Shit, then she a pedophile, son!
–F train
Overheard by: Missin the city
Bimbette #1: Yeah, that party was so hot, and that guy was so sweet, you know? He really didn’t have to buy me a drink.
Bimbette #2: Yeah, that’s why you did a good job in choosing to hook up with him!
–Spring St platform
Law student: Dude, when I started school I was like,’ This shit’s gonna suck for my social life,’ but it turns out there are tons of cute girls in law school and they love to get drunk.
Non-law student: Really? So you’ve hooked up with a lot of girls at school?
Law student: Just one, actually, but it was only because I needed her notes.
–Metro North to White Plains
Chick: Don’t eat that!
Guy: Why? What did you do to it?
Chick: Nothing! It’s just been all over the table!
Guy: [Silently eats it.]Chick: Oh my god. I’m never hooking up with you!
–Palladium Dining Hall, 14th & 4th
Overheard by: Emily
Girl #1: So, I met a boy this weekend who isn’t an asshole drug dealer, for a change.
Girl #2: But he’s a drug dealer?
Girl #1: Who isn’t?
Girl #2: Um… me?
Girl #1: No. He’s not a drug dealer.
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant he’s a drug dealer, just not an asshole one.
–23rd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jackattack
Drunk girl #1: Seriously, I hate guys. From tonight, on, I’m going to be a lesbian. Kara, you can’t say no to anyone — want to sleep with me?
Drunk girl #2: Ew!
Drunk girl #1: That’s a ‘Maybe’!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Laura
Chick: Your window of opportunity with me is really small. This is New York, you know? Hot people are a dime a dozen.
Guy: Yeah, okay…
Chick: But I’m in no hurry, by any means.
Guy: That’s a good place to be. I’m not about seriousness at all. I take everybody as they are. I’m just trying to get laid.
Chick: Aw, it’s so hard to find someone hot and smart who also has a good heart.
Guy: Totally.
Chick: I’m a total hippie.
Guy: That’s a good thing.
Chick: So say we bang…
–Starbucks, Union Square
Guy #1: So what’s the deal with that chick who was talking to you?
Guy #2: Well, I think she’s absolutely atrocious. But yeah, I’d hit that.
–The Joshua Tree, Murray Hill
Guy #1: Yo, you know that girl Maria?
Guy #2: Which one, the one with the fucked-up eyes or the one with the fucked-up hair?
Guy #1: The one with the fucked-up bug eye.
Guy #2: What about her? Did you fuck her?
Guy #1: That’s right, I fucked her. Boom, boom!
–Uptown 6 train
Queer #1: You are so gay.
Queer #2: I am not gay! Why do people keep saying that?
Queer #1: Well, you made out with Robert, and you slept with Jimmy.
Queer #2: Robert kissed me, I didn’t kiss him.
–Greenpoint
