Hotels

“Let’s Get Ready to Wednesday One-Liiiiiiiner!”

Bimbette: So yesterday he called me to tell me that he’s going to beat my ass, and then he calls me today to ask if he can use my CD player.

–Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Seven-year-old girl: She better watch herself before I pimp slap her.

–Amsterdam Projects

Girl, to rest of her punk skater group: But I be like: "Bitch, I don’t skate… I just beat bitches with it."

–Astor Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Jynx

Lady on cell: Is someone else going to smack you?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Krisztina

Man on cell: What… You flubbed what? Listen dude, I’m in midtown, but it’s too far a cab ride to come beat a grown man’s ass.

–W Hotel, 49th & Lex

Overheard by: Miami Hitman

Bus driver to angry man: You want a piece of this? There are 26 places on the body that can kill you instantly. I can hit 4 in one shot. You wanna dance?!

–M16 Bus

Overheard by: nora!

Way More Lifelike Than the Actual Elizabeth

Little girl, pointing at Andy Warhol portrait of Marilyn Monroe: Mommy, who’s that lady?
Mom: That’s Elizabeth Taylor, honey.
Little girl: Oh, hello, Elizabeth.

–The Moderne Hotel, 55th & Broadway

Our Spies Are Everywhere

Really tall kid: Then my mom said I couldn’t use condoms anymore.
Really tall friend: … Way for that guy to hear you.

–Hilton Hotel

Outside, They Stepped in Flaming Bum Dung

Tourist woman #1, staring up at glass elevators in atrium: Oh my god, look at that!
Tourist woman #2, gasping: Oh my god!
Tourist woman #3: Wow! Will you look at that!
Tourist woman #2: They got those lights on ’em! It’s like The Matrix or something!
Tourist woman #1: Where’s Martha*?
Tourist woman #2: I think she’s over looking out the window.
Tourist woman #1: Okay… I guess we should go get her. [All stare silently for a moment.]Tourist woman #3, reluctantly tearing her eyes away: Come on.
Tourist woman #1: Yeah, okay. Wow.
Tourist woman #2: Yeah.

–8th floor lounge, Marriott Marquis, Times Square

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Yasser Takes Way Too Long in Front of the Monets

Husband: We’ll go to the museum around four.
Wife: I don’t know…
Husband: Come on, Marge. You love everyone at the museum. Except Yasser Arafat.

–Hampton Inn

Overheard by: Leah

It Was New to Us, Too

Rupert Murdoch, at conference: If you wanted to stalk a young girl, it’d be much easier to do on Facebook than MySpace.
Conference attendee: Douche chill…

–Grand Hyatt Hotel

Back When I Was Only a Slut’s Apprentice

Chick: I had such a hard time when I lived here. People were always calling me a slut. Always, always, always, always.
Guy standing next to her: Yeah?

–Outside the W Hotel, 17th & Park

Overheard by: Will

Vegas Is My Promiscuous Sex City, and LA Is for Cocaine

British boy: I thought you weren’t smoking anymore.
British girl: I only smoke when I’m in New York City.

–Outside the Wellington

He Can Just Keep His Secaucus to Himself

Drunk babe #1: I am definitely not going to have sex with him. He fucks a bitch from New Jersey.
Drunk babe #2: Oh, well, then maybe you shouldn’t have sex with him.
Drunk babe #1: I know, right? They have their own, like, breeds of STDs out in fucking Jersey.

–Outside Soho Grand Hotel

Overheard by: Drunk Guy

Get Me Rewrite

Man #1: I hate long lines.
Man #2: Me, too. Did I tell you the story about how I missed my plane because of the line at Starbucks?
Man #1: No…
Man #2: I missed my fucking plane because of the fucking line at Starbucks.

–Front desk line, Sheraton Hotel

Overheard by: Julia Kriner

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist