Chick #1: Why do those stone people on the side of the courthouse look so happy? Family court isn’t happy.
Chick #2: Yeah, if that were a real family, one would be holding a shovel, and the other one holding a fork.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Chick #1: Why do those stone people on the side of the courthouse look so happy? Family court isn’t happy.
Chick #2: Yeah, if that were a real family, one would be holding a shovel, and the other one holding a fork.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Guy #1: Before I forget, I got four Yankee tickets for us tomorrow night. I’m gonna bring my father.
Guy #2: Did you get these tickets from a scalper?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: Well, the Yankees don’t play in December. Neither does any other team. Baseball season ended almost two months ago, dumbass. You got fuckin duped. How much did you pay for these?
Guy #1: Ah, shit. Like a hundred bucks.
Guy #2: Dumbass.
Guy #1: Then why did my father ask me to get tickets for tomorrow night’s game if they’re not even playing?
Guy #2: I don’t know. He’s probably a dumbass like you. You’re a whole family of dumbasses.
–Starbucks, 42nd & Broadway
Old lady #1: Even when they say “happy holidays” to me, I say “merry Christmas” back.
Old lady #2: Good for you.
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Kenneth Grider
Woman: So when is Christmas this year?
Man: Um. I think it’s on Sunday this year.
Woman: No, I mean what date is it?
–Clinton Hill
Overheard by: Megan Winget
Guy #1: …and I’m like, “Holy shit! What’s your fucking problem?” Sorry, excuse my French.
Girl: It’s okay, I’m not offended.
Guy #2: You speak French?
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Kay Baby
Speaker: Hello?
Guy: We’ve been waiting for like an hour. Any trains coming?
Speaker: Hold on, let me see…Hello, anyone there?
Guy: Yeah, we’re here. There any trains coming?
Speaker: There’s an police investigation at Broadway. I think someone got pushed onto the tracks and run over.
Guy: But are there any trains coming?
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Mikey J.
Girl #1: So Becca’s gonna drive to California from here?
Girl #2: Nope, she’s taking a plane.
Girl #3: Ha, ha! Yeah, duh! Wow, you’re stupid! How could you drive across the ocean?
–LaGuardia, Amsterdam Avenue
Overheard by: Amelia
Guy: Do you have Bareback Mountain?
–The Strand
Conductor: This is a Manhattan bound N train. The next stop is Grand Avenue.
Guy #1: Ha, ha, ha! Yo, listen up! Darth Vada’s running da train!
Guy #2: Dat’s some funny shit, man.
–N train
Guy #1: You know if you went back in time and saw yourself the world would explode and collapse.
Guy #2: No way, man. Didn’t you ever see Back to the Future?
Guy #1: What? That’s not real!
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: Corey Cavagnolo
Chick: …wait, what?
Man: Yeah, I have hepatitis.
Chick : Which one?
Man: …A and C.
–Yaffa Cafe, St. Marks
