Guy, 20s: Umm…the half & half curdled when I put it in my coffee.
McWorker: You want a napkin?
Guy, 20s: No, I want another coffee. The half and half curdled.
The McWorker pours him a new one and yells to someone way in the back: There’s something wrong with the cups!
–McDonald’s, Flatbush Ave & Snyder St
Dumbass: So, what do you do?
Woman: I’m working on getting my PhD in pre-Columbian studies.
Dumbass: Oh… What does that mean?
Woman: Yeah, I usually get that reaction from people outside the realm of academia.
Dumbass: Academia? Where’s that?
–Bar, the Village
Overheard by: Wishing I was in Academia
Foreign guy #1: Is it a 4-door?
Rental car lady: I have no idea, I haven’t even begun the process yet.
She reaches into a drawer and pulls out a set of keys.
Rental car lady: Yes.
Foreign guy #2: That was some process.
–Avis, West 43rd Street
Overheard by: mike k
Guy #1: That girl at the party, Kyra — she was hot.
Guy #2: I thought so, too, but then I saw her MySpace photos, and she didn’t look that good. I’ll send you a link to them.
Guy #1: Uh… Dude, I saw her in real life. Who cares what her MySpace photos looked like?
–Manhattan-bound F train
Cop holding machine gun: Where you from?
Tourist: England.
Cop (in terrible British accent): Smashing! Brilliant!
Tourist: Um… Yeah.
–City Hall
Chick: So, um, like, yeah. I mean, you know, I mean, well, when you think it’s right but it isn’t, you know, then it’s like, um, yeah. I don’t know what I’m saying.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Lady facing sign reading “Security”: Excuse me — where can I find security?!
Hapless intern: Um…
–New York-Presbyterian Hospital
Overheard by: i hate hospitals
Jock #1: Don’t you dare tell me that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. I’ll kick your ass.
Jock #2: Shut up, you know he doesn’t exist.
Jock #1: Then who the hell puts the presents under the tree?!
Jock #2: Your mom does!
Jock #3: I’d totally do your mom. No lie.
Jock #2: Me, too.
Jock #1: Santa exists, dammit!
–Midtown Direct train
Overheard by: Believes
Guy: That’s a really old graveyard. They have tombstones going back to the 1600s.
Girl: I dont understand. How is that possible?
Guy: It’s an old church. People were buried there a long time ago.
Girl: Yeah, but wasn’t our country made around the 1770s?
Guy: Yes, but there were colonists here from France, England and Spain before that.
Girl: So they brought their dead relatives over here to bury them?
–Trinity Church
Overheard by: Jonathan Bloom
