Idiots

“Which one? Dr. Pepper or Scholl?”

Girl #1: I don’t know how I got pregnant.
Girl #2: Well, don’t you use birth control?
Girl #1: Yes! That’s why I don’t understand. Right after I had sex I squirted in a lot of that birth control foam cream stuff.
Girl #2: After? You’re supposed to put it in before. That’s why it prevents pregnancy.
Girl #1: Oh? I didn’t know that.
Girl #2: You know you oughta get a IUD. There’s nothing to remember or know, they just stick it in there and you can like keep it in there forever!
Girl #1: Who sticks it in?
Girl #2: Forget it. Just go to the doctor like right away like yesterday. Uh, I mean as soon as possible.

–1st & 1st

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

I Thought Mushrooms Were The Bomb in Japan

Guy #1: You know what I found out about Japanese people? They love noodles.
Guy #2: Really?

–Anytime Cafe, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Manlio Lo Conte

Readers: Answer This Supersweet Question

Guy: Wait, I missed that. So you were born, and then what happened?

–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

Overheard by: Sherri Feldman

Short, Sweet and Stupid

Guy #1: She’s tired.
Guy #2: So is her.

–7th Ave & 23rd St.

NYC: We Even Have Bad Homeless Comedians

Hobo: Did you hear about Michael Jackson’s delivery service? It’s called Boyz 2 Men!
Schlub: This guy’s good!

–1/9 train

That’s Quite a Speechwriter You’ve Got There

Caribbean woman: Will dis [wine cooler] drunk me?
Caribbean man: No, that won’t drunk you.

–Yvette Clarke for Congress HQ, Crown Heights

You Don’t Have to Be McStupid to Work Here, But It Helps!

Guy, 20s: Umm…the half & half curdled when I put it in my coffee.
McWorker: You want a napkin?
Guy, 20s: No, I want another coffee. The half and half curdled.

The McWorker pours him a new one and yells to someone way in the back: There’s something wrong with the cups!

–McDonald’s, Flatbush Ave & Snyder St

See That Ivory Tower?

Dumbass: So, what do you do?
Woman: I’m working on getting my PhD in pre-Columbian studies.
Dumbass: Oh… What does that mean?
Woman: Yeah, I usually get that reaction from people outside the realm of academia.
Dumbass: Academia? Where’s that?

–Bar, the Village

Overheard by: Wishing I was in Academia

Seems Like They’re Not #2 Anymore

Foreign guy #1: Is it a 4-door?
Rental car lady: I have no idea, I haven’t even begun the process yet.

She reaches into a drawer and pulls out a set of keys.

Rental car lady: Yes.
Foreign guy #2: That was some process.

–Avis, West 43rd Street

Overheard by: mike k

Oh, You Were Planning a Non-Virtual Relationship?

Guy #1: That girl at the party, Kyra — she was hot.
Guy #2: I thought so, too, but then I saw her MySpace photos, and she didn’t look that good. I’ll send you a link to them.
Guy #1: Uh… Dude, I saw her in real life. Who cares what her MySpace photos looked like?

–Manhattan-bound F train

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