Eight-year-old ghetto kid: Mama, give me your cell phone! I gotta call my girlfriend.
Mother: What you gonna talk to her about? How you can't read and write? Tell her to help you with that!
–Harlem
Overheard by: Joe
Eight-year-old ghetto kid: Mama, give me your cell phone! I gotta call my girlfriend.
Mother: What you gonna talk to her about? How you can't read and write? Tell her to help you with that!
–Harlem
Overheard by: Joe
Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.
—Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St
Teen ghetto girl: If you had a daughter…
Teen ghetto boy: If I had a daughter, there ain’t no way she’d be leavin’ the house with them short shorts and shit. And she fo’ sho’ wouldn’t be playin’ with them barbies. Barbies is evil. They mess with girls’ brains, makin’ them think they need to show off their shit and have babies when theys like 15. No barbies. Only puzzles.
–Manhattan bound N train
Overheard by: lauren
Girl, stung by bee: Ahhh! That motherfucker pinched me!
Boy: I’m gonna kill that nigga bee!
–125th & Broadway
Guy: So the other night Taryn was over with her kid, and my ex-girlfriend came by and happened to see, and Taryn’s baby is really light-skinned, so now my ex-girlfriend thinks I have another kid that I didn’t tell her about.
Friend: Did you tell her it wasn’t yours?
Guy: Yeah. I already have two kids, I really don’t need another one. Why would I keep it from my mom and my dad and her anyway?
–L train
Overheard by: Mina
Little boy picking up candy bar: Mommy, can I buy some junk?
Mom: Um, no, sweetie.
Little boy, creepily sincere: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. Very sorry, Mommy.
–IPN Pharmacy, Tribeca
Lady: Excuse me, do you know where the bathrooms are?
Father with toddler: Nope, sorry.
Lady: I thought people with kids always knew where the bathrooms were.
Father with toddler: Nah, I just let him pee in the grass.
–Central Park
Father: Do you have to pee?
Son: No.
Father: Do you have to poo?
Son: Maybe.
Father: It kind of matters.
–Restroom, Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Jon A.
Little girl: What is that?
Mom: An ornament on a branch.
Little girl: Why is it an ornament on a branch?
Mom: Because it is.
Little girl: Why is it because it is?
–St. Lukes Holiday Festival, Hudson & Christopher
Overheard by: nosey nancy
